How many of you have broken up because of distance?

[Hoosier09]

I'm young and starting college in the fall. My SO just ended our relationship that started July 21st last year. We went like 3 months LDR, then together for 3 weeks...then a month LDR, then together at Christmas which led to her coming back with me to America (she lives in the UK) and then me going back with her when the 3 months was up. We had an amazing life together. So two weeks ago we were separated after 6 months of being together. Btw, we were able to be together because I was finishing high school online.

 

Well, I made the biggest mistake of my life and I took her for granted. You guys might have seen my other post. The past 2 weeks since I came back have unveiled her hurt that I had caused which I was very stupid not to notice. It's been a roller coaster and she changed her mind a lot but she broke up with me 3 days ago. She said she was just feeling so much stress because of the distance and that we would never be what we were. Omgosh we were everything. We were so attached to each other. We loved each other with all our hearts and gave each other everything.

 

My problem is..before, the distance was not a problem. We loved each other and although it was hard, it was worth it. Now, she says it's too much which doesn't make sense. We are still talking all the time and we're just friends. I'm not interested in friends though.

 

How many of you have broken up with your SO at one point and then realized it was worth it and got back together? How long did it take? How many of you have broken it up and not gotten back together?

 

I'm getting such mixed messages from her. We're talking all the time but she doesn't want us to be together. I don't see distance as a reason to break up. That's the jist of it...too much to type all the minor details.

 

Is there any hope? I don't know if I can keep talking to her if there is no hope. I suppose even if it took a year, I would keep talking to her.

[WTRanger]

Distance can be tough for some people. Maybe not for you, but perhaps it was finally getting to her. How old are the both of you? It sounds as if you are 18-19? That's fairly young to deal with a LDR, especially a cross-continent LDR. She might be wanting to play the field, to meet other people and not have to worry if it would be considered cheating on you. Plus, she might want a boyfriend that is there for her in a physical sense. Someone she can squeeze on a daily basis. It's all just some food for thought.

 

Yes, I too had my girlfriend of about 14 months break up with me at LDR. Problem was it was 4 months into my second deployment to Iraq in 2004 during the Fallujah campaign. We were in some serious combat and after things had died down and we were sent to the rear to regroup and rearm it was during that mail call that I got a box with all of my sh*t in it with a short letter that basically said she can't take it anymore. Nice huh? I gave the letter to one of the Iraqi kids, so somewhere out there this kid still probably has my "Dr. John" letter. I've never talked to her since then, despite her still trying to contact me to this day. Far as I'm concerened, she can get hit by a run-away milk truck.

[Hoosier09]

Wow I'm so sorry. I kinda put military relationships in another category because you have such limited contact. I can't imagine how hard it was. You find out how much someone really loves you when it's like that.

 

By the way...thank you so much for what you do for our country. You could never be thanked enough.

[Island Girl]

We are still talking all the time and we're just friends. I'm not interested in friends though.

 

If you aren't interested in friends you should've gone NC from the start.

 

This is ESPECIALLY true in an LDR.

 

The communication in an LDR is basically all talking and sharing.

That is what the two of you have continued to do.

So she has all that she came to depend on from you in the first place.

Think about it.

She gets just as much access to you as she always has.

How can you miss someone that is still there all the time whenever you need them?

 

You're feeling the pain of the break up. She still thinks it is a good decision and she doesn't feel your absence from her life at all.

It is the same as it always has been without the exclusivity AND she gets all of the good boyfriend stuff from you while she can seek other companionship elsewhere.

 

In answer to your question - no my LDR has never broken up. We have had rocky patches but have always come through them - we are now married after 3+ years LD - and since then have had another 3 years LD since.

Neither one of us would EVER keep contact if it was over. We both know it is all or nothing.

You break it off you lose it all -- everything -- the support, the closeness, that other person who is there no matter what - ALL would go away.

That is probably why a break has never happened.

[Hoosier09]

Again....sorry for the repost. This is from the break-ups thread and my response.

 

 

Alright I just thought I would update. First off, thanks for all the great advice. I wouldn't be doing what I am going to do without it and I am so glad I asked.

 

After getting everyone's advice on here and talking to a very close couple who went through the same thing, I have decided to go LC.

 

I know that you all say NC is best but my friend had some very good points. She said that after she and her current boyfriend, who she got back together with obviously, broke up, she was looking for changes in his life. He had messed up and taken her for granted. The thing here is that I am the one that messed up and she has to see something else imprinted in her brain. When we were last together 2 weeks ago, I hadn't known what the problem was. So the last image imprinted in her brain is having a big affect on her. I believe if we were together...this would not have happened. My friend says that because we are so far apart, she can't see what my life is like and observe me while my friend could observe her bf because they went to the same school and had the same friends.

 

But all in all...I can't take this hurt. I feel a little better already...I still have had dreams every night about us getting back together which is tough but I am getting out more and laughing with other people. I just hope it's not an illusion.

 

I'm going to tell her that I need to take a break from talking to her so much. I'll tell her I still love her and I enjoy talking to her very much but I can't cope with this at the moment and I need to move on with my life. At first, we can email around once a week or so if she wants and after a few weeks maybe we can chat but only for a little bit and not every day. Once I get over this which will take a long time, possibly we can talk more and just be friends but right now it's not going to work. I can't keep sitting by the computer all day waiting for her to log on Skype and stuff. My life is at a standstill.

 

What do you guys think? I know the keeping in touch is going to hurt me a little bit but I think it is a lot less hurt than talking all the time. It will give her time to think and although I am doing this for me to heal, I am open to trying again.

 

I'll update often. Again if anyone is going through the same thing, no matter what your age, I'd love to talk on Skype, MSN, or email just as support to help us get through this. It's not easy and when we're alone at home it is the hardest.

[WARREN86]

The first true love of my life was back in HS. It was love at first sight for me bc when I saw her for the first time, I truely wanted to be with her since that day.

 

Well, she had to move and we did the whole LDR thing.. and it worked out for awhile.

 

Then I get a call from her telling me that she couldn't do the LDR bc it was killing her not to be with me at all. Plus she was young, so she wanted to explore. So I respected that, and I too, explored.

 

Well, we haven't talked for a few years, and then when I finally decided to look her up and see how's she's doing, I find that she gotten married and had a daughter with this other man. I was bummed. I couldn't believe that she was taken... but I kind of blamed myself bc I lost contact with her.

 

But now, she and I have been talking on the phone. I find that she's been mistreated in her marriage and that she's really unhappy. I kick myself in the @$$ for letting her go to some jerk. We still love each other and we want to be together... but it's hard for her to let him go. So, all I got to say is LDR sucks, but it's worse when you lose them to someone else.