G-girl Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I have been with my bf for 21 months . I have not spent one holiday with him and met his mom once on accident. He is divorced . He and I met while he was married he left his wife so we could start dating and after a year he and I spilt up and he when back to his wife after much pressure from his family. He left her again for me after a week and filed for divorce. Now we have been together and he still keeps me separate from his family . They know Im in the picture as he spends the night here about 3 days a week. He has told them he loves and wants a future with me . I have suggested we all go out for dinner , coffee something. He is very close to his family yet I have not meet them other then his mom that one time. He spends all his holidays with them. He is 33 and Im 40 . He has no children. And this is not a cultural issue. Im at a loss at why or what to do. Does this mean we have no future? I love him and he says he loves me.
Lyssa Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I would think it has to do with how you and your BF got together. I don't think his family approved of what was going on and how it ended so he keeps them separate from you and vice versa. Was his mother friendly when you accidentally met her?
whimsical_memory Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I would hazard a guess and say that it is because you are the reason his marriage was destroyed in the first place and not just once, but twice. Sorry to say this, but not everyone is going to want to welcome a home wrecker into their family. And before you get all indignant that you did not tear his marriage apart, you could have and should have walked away the minute you learned he was married. So, yes. There is the reason why this man is not introducing you to his family, he is ashamed on some level of how you met, and ashamed of his actions.
Author G-girl Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 I would think it has to do with how you and your BF got together. I don't think his family approved of what was going on and how it ended so he keeps them separate from you and vice versa. Was his mother friendly when you accidentally met her? She was polite. But I think she is the type of person that would be polite to Hitler.
MusicChick24 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I think it's because of the slimy way he ended his marriage. His family probably would not approve and he doesn't want that kind of pressure. Any way you twist it though you didn't do anything outright his family, if they liked his wife, which I'm assuming they did because the pressured him to go back to her for a bit, they probably see you as the "homewrecker" and sadly you will probably never outlive that with them.
Author G-girl Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 I guess I should have said his now ex wife and my bf had already discussed separtion and I did tell him we couldnt date while he was married. So I didn't destroy the marriage . As for him leaving the second time and informed him I would have nothing to do with him unless he had filed for divorce. That said they probally do blame me for the marriage falling apart .
MusicChick24 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I guess I should have said his now ex wife and my bf had already discussed separtion and I did tell him we couldnt date while he was married. So I didn't destroy the marriage . As for him leaving the second time and informed him I would have nothing to do with him unless he had filed for divorce. That said they probally do blame me for the marriage falling apart . Problem you will have for the rest of your relationship is despite those facts you will be the "homewrecker" forever and you may NEVER be accepted into his family warmly.
Lyssa Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 So you dated him while he was separated from his W and then when he went back, you ended it then continued when he filed for divorce - am I right?
Author G-girl Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 thats about right . We dated while he was separated and even suggested if he ever has thoughts his marriage could work out then he needed to try again. We eneded our relatioship to give his marriage one more go. He quickly realized that the marriage was over and he left and filed for divorce and contacted me .
Lyssa Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 thats about right . We dated while he was separated and even suggested if he ever has thoughts his marriage could work out then he needed to try again. We eneded our relatioship to give his marriage one more go. He quickly realized that the marriage was over and he left and filed for divorce and contacted me . Have you asked your BF why he doesn't include you in holidays etc seeing that you've been together 21 months. 21 months after the divorce?
MusicChick24 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 thats about right . We dated while he was separated and even suggested if he ever has thoughts his marriage could work out then he needed to try again. We eneded our relatioship to give his marriage one more go. He quickly realized that the marriage was over and he left and filed for divorce and contacted me . If you haven't caught it yet the reason why his parents have all rights to think of you as a homewrecker is because you were on his mind the whole time he "realized the marriage was over" and contacted you. Have you ever thought that quite possibly he did infact leave her to be with you. I'm really sorry if I seem to be hard on you but you are concerned why you can't be around his family right now. And it's because families don't take kindly to homewreckers EVEN IF YOU DIDNT INTEND ON BEING ONE your presence in their eyes quite clearly ended his marriage.
2sunny Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 yes there is a reason he does it this way. you have been seeing him for too long for a guy to be that close to his family and not include you along the way. the fact that you just don't ask him says a lot too. why are you not capable of asking and expecting the truth from him? you may not really want to know the truth... seems like the lack of honest communication is what you base the relationship on... if it's just for fun and pretend - then take it at face value... he may not be capable of anything more than that.
2sunny Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 here is your post from last december: me or her I knew it was wrong when it started 18 months ago I began an affair with a married man. 5 months into it we were found out . His wife kicked him out, a week later she made him choose . He picked me iwas thrilled because I loved him deraly and still do. After about a month they became friends . He always said they were friends first and they kinda ended up together married it was good the first two years then they became roommates. I do believe that . They would get together for dinner once a month . I thought no biggie. Well he and I hit a rough patch plus with the holidays here his first without his wife in 10 years they were married for 7 years. He now he says hes confused he loves her. But he is in love with with me and wants to be with me. But has started to wonder if he and his wife could ever work things out. Now he and I are on a break he says he is soooo very confused he misses his old life the nice house , the pets , the rescept of his older family members ( they blame me for the marriage ending, he has always said if it had been good I wouldnt have been looking) . With me he lives with his parents ( hes back in school) trying to pay off all his debt before he graduates. With me he no longer has the material things. One thing that i have is I want children She does not . He very much wants children. But now he doesnt know he he wants me or her . Yes she would take him back. He says he is very confused and needs time and space. Which I am giving him. What do I do is there hope for us or was it doomed from the start . I love him and he says he loves me. we do speak everyday and text a couple times a day. Last edited by G-girl; 11th December 2008 at 8:49 AM.. Reason: forgot something he is most likely still very much participating in his old life. the way this started is an indication that he isn't available to you. you may think he is - but his actions show you that he's not. time to move on. even if someone is physically standing in front of you - it doesn't mean that they are present. it's a delusion of sorts - designed to make you stay and continue on with this pretense he's offering. is that good enough? i would think not. why are you willing to believe that this is enough?
Lyssa Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Aahh.. I didn't know there was an old post. Interesting.
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