Sureshot Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Hi, I need some quick help based on previous experience and some unbiased sense. My girlfriend that I have been with for a few months and I were having a great night together, talking about our future and what we really loved about eachother, then out of the blue, she just wanted to tell me something that she didnt want me to think differently about her for. I said go, she told me that her ex boyfriend who she was in a serious relationship with, she had cheated on, didnt not have actual intercourse, just oral. She said that she didnt care about him like she cares about mean and that she would never do it to me. I couldnt help but be shocked, I was so disappointed in her, I didnt expect that from her at all, I have been cheated on before, and vowed to never cause that pain to anyone, and to be careful to never be with a cheater again. Though this is not who I expected my girlfriend to be, it is what it is and I want to know; What are the possibilites that she will never cheat again? Should I be worried because she has already shown her integrity in her past, or would it be safe to assume that if we really love eachother, it was just a thing in the past and we can move on, and just be happy that she confided in me and is not holding anything back? PLease respond, I cannot be hurt like that again, this situation has really made me consider ending what in all else has been an absolutly amazing relationship. Thankyou in advance. -Trev
MrFun Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Can't really make a generalised comment about cheating, but what I can say is my ex-girlfriend cheated on her bf (2.5 year relationship) and cheated on me too after 4 years. On the other hand, I've never cheated, and I don't think I ever would or could. I think it depends on their personality. But hey, *if* she cheats, she has to live with it. It's like cheating and winning, you never *really* win if you don't play by the rules.
Woggle Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 People do change but she needs to realize that her actions were wrong instead of just blaming it on not caring for him. What is going to happen when she stops feeling those 24/7 butterflies for you? She is not displaying the signs of a changed woman.
Lishy Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 You are either a person who can cheat or a person who cannot! I have never cheated but I have been cheated on and it hurts so much She wont cheat on you while she adores you but what about when it calms down and she is not so excited by you, and that always happens in a R. Think about it
jph26 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 As mentioned before I think it comes down to personality, you either do or you don't. I personally have never cheated and never intend to. However many friends who have cheated/been cheated on have learn't that it isn't fair to the partner and have stopped cheating. I think you should respect the way she came forward to you about this as it must have been difficult for her. I can see where you're coming from as you have already been cheated on and you're worried of history repeating itself. I think you need time to analyse her character and the possibility of her cheating on you. You can't have a relationship where you're paranoid of where she is and thinking of the possibility of her cheating, as there is no trust. I know it sucks but give it time and see how you feel about it over the next couple days/weeks.
Adunaphel Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Was she honest with her ex bf about the cheating, or did she just hid it? If she hid it, did she break up with her bf shortly afterwards or continued being in a relationship with him like nothing happened? I do not think "once a cheater" means necessarily much. And it is a good sign that she felt like telling you about it. It is what she did while cheating, and after she cheated, that I'd take mostly into account.
icepop Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 If your relationship is serious and I believe it is based on the tone of your letter, then I would not necessarily worry about this too much. You have to bear in mind however, that we are all wired to cheat. Cheating usually happens when we are not meeting the needs of the other person OR they are not meeting ours. When we stop meeting their's or vice-versa over time, the focus on the relationship becomes clouded and the probability of cheating increases. I think she is telling you in her way, I didn't like cheating, but my needs were not being met by old BF. Regardless, I don't condone cheating.
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Once a cheater always a cheater. I have never cheated in my life. I dated a girl who told me she had cheated before, though, and 2 years later she cheated on me too.
EmperorR Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I've never cheated never will, but I've been cheated on and it's been 10 months and I still struggle sometimes. Cheaters are scum, do you actually want to be with someone who cheated on you? If they don't pick up thier phone, if they come home late, if they say their busy, you will always think their out screwing someone else, do you really want to live your life like that.
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