Ryan186 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I had been with my ex for 5.5years. 2years of it with our son (who is almost 3). The 23rd of last month she pulled a Personal Protection Order out on me. (I am from Kansas) and since I had no family I was on the streets sleeping in a homeless shelter desperately trying to communicate with her over phone which she never picked up. I stayed on the street for 3 days hoping that she was just teaching me a lesson. She never called she never did anything. Before she went to put the ppo into effect on the 23rd she gave me a kiss out the door, and I got served at work. My heart is in shambles as we had planned to be with each other forever, and yet I got stabbed in the back. We had so many good memories yet I was thrown away. It hurts to eat, breath, do anything! I keep finding myself fighting with memories of the past while I sleep, and waking up to a body that doesnt want to get out of bed with a broken spirit that doesnt want to move on. I have pretty much put a profile on every online dating site on the internet. In the back of my head I dont believe I will ever find anyone as beautiful as her, and I am lost. Its almost like I cant move on...the pain is so great, and I have nobody but my parents (who cannot understand) to lean on for understanding. I am at my wits end. I have to force food down my throat. No matter what I do it reminds me of her, and I get horridly sad. Then I think of her being with someone else and it makes my self worth seem low. To this day (from the 23rd) she will not speak to me over msn or phone. Its soo over I gave up talking to her 4 days ago. I have a hard time believing I will ever be happy again. I gave up everything for her and got stabbed in the back. Provided for her and my son and got spit in the face. I feel so worthless. Help. Ryan That link is a picture of me. I feel so ugly.
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Well, dude, not to seem gay or anything but you look like a perfectly nice good-looking guy to me. You won't have a problem finding your next girlfriend. So don't worry about that. What was the ppo for? Did you hit her? Did you threaten her? It sounds like you may need some professional help. You should seek out a counselor. Get your life back in order first, only then worry about your girlfriend issues. You have a job... make sure you don't lose it, and focus on finding a roof to put over your head. One step at a time. Fix your life. The girls can come later.
EmperorR Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 There is nothing wrong with you, maybe you can move back in with your parents or a while? I know it's hard at this moment, I've been there, you just have to know nothing is certain in life people change like the wind. Only thing I can say is time heals.
Author Ryan186 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 I never touched her, and I took care of my son. The only thing I am guilty of is not putting as much time into my relationship as I should have. The things she put in the ppo were vague, and were based on a fake "fear" rather than anything that was actually done. I had no previous domestics I had no previous assaults I had no previous 911 calls I never threatened anything about her She got everyone against me, all my friends and everything. She took no pity for putting me out on the street or helping me get over this relationship. She then came back after that and chatted to one of my friends saying "She wasnt mad at me". I just dont understand why I deserve this. I just dont understand. How could anyone be so capable of totally hurting someone so much. I am just at a loss. I went bowling last night, and half way through started feeling lonely, and pathetic. I have a counselor but family and counselors can only do so much. Its almost like I dont want to move on.
fabulous_chk Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 You are a hot looking guy. She must be on drugs or having a sleazy affair to throw you out like that. Be strong! You will look back on this and see this with a clear eye. She is dangerous, toxic, poisonous - totally not worth your time. You will find somebody who will love you 200% and you will even thank your ex one day for ending it with her. Keep going out, socializing, go to the gym, take an extreme sport like skydiving. When my ex dumped me 4 months ago I decided I will be a fabulous single chick and that's how I am right now. I felt ugly too at first, but hey, the guys are knocking on my door (and women) so that feeling did not last for long! Trust me you look very attractive! Practice smiling in the mirror, it helps project a happy personality even though you're still in pain. Be happy! 3 months from now you will feel soooooo different from today. So, hit the gym, smile that sexy smile, and make women drool! The ex is a worthless piece of *****, but let her drool also hahah! *hugs*
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I never touched her, and I took care of my son. The only thing I am guilty of is not putting as much time into my relationship as I should have. The things she put in the ppo were vague, and were based on a fake "fear" rather than anything that was actually done. I had no previous domestics I had no previous assaults I had no previous 911 calls I never threatened anything about her She got everyone against me, all my friends and everything. She took no pity for putting me out on the street or helping me get over this relationship. She then came back after that and chatted to one of my friends saying "She wasnt mad at me". I just dont understand why I deserve this. I just dont understand. How could anyone be so capable of totally hurting someone so much. I am just at a loss. I went bowling last night, and half way through started feeling lonely, and pathetic. I have a counselor but family and counselors can only do so much. Its almost like I dont want to move on. You can challenge the PPO. The court will set a hearing and hear testimony from both sides, and if there is no actual evidence that you've harmed or threatened to harm her, the court can dismiss the PPO. You can and should also file a petition to establish your respective child custody rights. I like the idea of moving in with the parents just for a brief time, so you can recuperate, regain your strength, clear your mind, and formulate a plan for the future.
Author Ryan186 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 fabulous_chk thank you so much what you said has definitely helped me. Pretty funny but after I got home haha some bad physical stuffed has happened as well like me tripping when playing tennis (went to state in highschool lol) first time I had ever fell and strawberried my arm pretty good, and then yesterday I got burn by a crackle ball firework lol....yea But everything you said it really helped you prove how strong words can be in lifting other people up. As far as contesting the ppo while I was in m1ch1gan (parents in Ks) I messed up really bad, and my counter motion was written like a love letter because my head was REALLY messed up. Upon further examination by attorney she said there is no way I would ever be able to get it terminated. I dont think she would want me around her even if it was. During those three days I also had a third party leave her a gift package of a wedding magazine, box of chocolates, a card explaining how sorry I was for whatever I did (because the reasons she gave in the ppo were THAT vague), and 3 mylar ballons that said I love you. And even tho its embarassing but 2 nuks or baby pacifiers that we used to play with earlier in our relationship. The day after I did that still nothing happened. I decided to leave since my attorney advised me that I possible violated the ppo so I did. When I was 3-4states away I got a call from an officier that I didnt receive that went to voicemail....yes she did turn me in to get arrested. I should of consulted a lawyer first...but I let my emotions get to me, and through the whole 3 days episode of being homeless I defended her in my head, and hoped that she would take me back. It never happened. Her mom had been divorced previously, her sister also with 1 man...went through 1 more before marrying another guy after getting pregnant with him. Our next door neighboor had been remarried 3times been a victim of physical abuse one of those times, and had to men fight to the death over her before. My ex has previously been to a psychologist for depression, and ocds that she had. The psychologist sent her to the womans resource center (men enemy number1) to get self esteem counciling. a month before I got kicked out I bought her a new swimming suit, new clothes, tanning sessions, and I took her to appointments, and out to eat. Its clear what happened I think. Used...dropped...abused. I experience every emotion at least one time a day, and my personality doesnt help with me being somewhat analytical/emotional/dominant. Its like I ride this roller coaster the whole day.... Sad/Lonely-->Angry-->Hurt-->scared-->thinking of the past-->sad/lonely(repeat) having a hard time breaking the cycle as well...I hate what I dream about when I sleep so much.
fabulous_chk Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Ah Ryan, I went through the rollercoaster of emotions also. Punishing my body through working out really helped me chase the demons in my head. Don't beat yourself up, we all defend the actions of the ones we love because we are blinded, but now you see the truth and truth is power!!! You control your life now, you are going to steer your future to better yourself. She was holding you down to her level. OMG she is the biggest piece of manure in the universe for doing all she did to you! Let her clean her own sh*it, you are not responsible for her anymore thank goodness! Pity the next guy who she will victimize. Thank the universe you guys are not married! Be strong for your son, be strong for yourself, be strong for your future! This is not the end but the beginning of your life. A new chapter has opened and there's no way buy up from here. Because you are now in charge or your life and you will steer it to the right path. Stay here in LS, you are never alone. *hugs*
Author Ryan186 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 Fab chick is there anyway we can communicate outside the site? If you would want to of course. If not then that is ok, but I was thinking we could walk day by day through this together as friends with nothing else in mind.
fabulous_chk Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Yes of course, i made several friends here! It's j.o.y.h.a.v.a.n.a.a.t.y.a.h.o.o.c.o.m. without the dots lol! I might have to delete that, I don't want to be banned here. *hugs*
Author Ryan186 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 ok delete it quick I got it thks! blacknight186 is the id you should look for I already added you
nastyapple Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I experience every emotion at least one time a day, and my personality doesnt help with me being somewhat analytical/emotional/dominant. Its like I ride this roller coaster the whole day.... Sad/Lonely-->Angry-->Hurt-->scared-->thinking of the past-->sad/lonely(repeat) having a hard time breaking the cycle as well...I hate what I dream about when I sleep so much. I am feeling exactly the same way right now, so don't feel that you are alone. It is physically and emotionally draining, it really is. I feel so worked up about all of these feelings that I can barely eat, I struggle to sleep, I can barely breathe when I think about not being with him and all the past etc. You are not alone in feeling like this, and I wish there was a fix to it, for both of us. You shouldn't feel ugly at all. You are handsome guy. She doesn't see what she's missing. I understand how worthless it makes you feel when the person you want doesn't want you - I'm dealing with it right now, but keep your head up. Somebody else will see what she clearly hasn't. It's hard I know. I'm trying my best too.
EmperorR Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Also I would like to add it takes time. Been 11 months for me and I still have bad days, I noticed what you said about dating sites trust me your not even near to beig ready to date or anything. Concentrate on you, everyone feels ugly unwanted after being dumped no matter what you looked like, I'm sure this wasn't your first gf and it won't be your last. 11 months ago I was in your position. I couldn't eat sleep function cried every day but it gets better, just have to hold on and be strong.
sedgwick Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 You are absolutely adorable! I'm really sorry that happened to you. Sheesh. Is she trying to keep you from ever seeing your son again?
Recommended Posts