Author Athena Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I like what you said. I hope to get to that same place one day. I think it will happen when I am not married to my H any more... then the rest of my anger will dissipate. Care to elaborate how you 'talk' about your past when it comes up?
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 NID what I was told (and Im sure different people see it differently) is that some people will think what caused him to cheat on you if you are so great? why did you stay if he was disrespecting you... All the issues we discuss on the forums but that many people dont look at in the same way. You could say you wouldnt want to be with someone who would think that way but so many things are subconscious. I agree with you about the victim issue. Not attractive If your a man you never admit to being cheated on. Just as you say women will think there is something wrong with you. If your a woman it doesn't matter much. Tell a guy your ex cheated and he is most likely to think the other man was an idiot.
Reggie Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Why would women think there is something wrong with a man that has been cheated on?
Trimmer Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Why would women think there is something wrong with a man that has been cheated on? I don't necessarily think they would. But a man with unresolved trauma or feelings of inadequacy around being cheated on in his past might project that outward, and assume that they would. Like Adunaphel said - it's all in how you carry yourself. I hope to get to that same place one day. I think it will happen when I am not married to my H any more... then the rest of my anger will dissipate. Care to elaborate how you 'talk' about your past when it comes up? Ha! I'll let you know when it happens. I've been busy being a half-time single-dad since my divorce, and haven't been doing a lot of intimate chit-chat. But I'll wing it...
sugarmomma Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 For several weeks now I have been wondering if there is any correlation at all between having been cheated on in the past, and the increased likelihood of being cheated on in the future because of the past incident? For this reason, I think I am going to downplay the cheating my H did in our M, to any future Significant Other I may have... as I certainly do not want to put an idea in their minds of THE way to hurt me most... if they should ever change their feelings about me ... I don't want to tell them how best to hurt me... What do others' think? Do you think it increases the likelihood of being cheated on in the future if you tell your new SO? Does your past experience become your Achilles Heel? I would never tell a man that I was cheated on. I just say "we loved each other, we just couldn't get along". That way they have no idea of what I really dealt with in the relationship. For all they know, I could have been the cheater (which I wasn't).
Author Athena Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Ha! I'll let you know when it happens. I've been busy being a half-time single-dad since my divorce, and haven't been doing a lot of intimate chit-chat. But I'll wing it... Oh, I see :laugh: So exactly how long have you been divorced for!!?
Author Athena Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I would never tell a man that I was cheated on. I just say "we loved each other, we just couldn't get along". That way they have no idea of what I really dealt with in the relationship. For all they know, I could have been the cheater (which I wasn't). I hear you Sugar, but care to say WHY you would never tell a man that you were cheated on... is it because, you think this info will be used in a negative way?
Reggie Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I hear you Sugar, but care to say WHY you would never tell a man that you were cheated on... is it because, you think this info will be used in a negative way? You need to tell future partners the truth, once you get serious. Someone that has been cheated on has nothing to be ashamed of.
Reggie Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I don't necessarily think they would. But a man with unresolved trauma or feelings of inadequacy around being cheated on in his past might project that outward, and assume that they would. Like Adunaphel said - it's all in how you carry yourself. Ha! I'll let you know when it happens. I've been busy being a half-time single-dad since my divorce, and haven't been doing a lot of intimate chit-chat. But I'll wing it... I agree, one often needs time and therapy to get to the point where one realizes and truly accepts that the cheating is no reflection on the BS. It took me a long time to get there.But, I am clear on it, now.
Reggie Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Athena, you were/are dealing with a NPD. It is little wonder that you feel some shame at his cheating. This is what they do. They make you feel it is your fault. It is not.
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