What happens when a child is conceived in an affair?

[littleone]

What do you do when you a child is conceived in an affair?

 

Where to start and where to end I am not really sure. But, here it goes:

I have a son that is soon to be 2 years old. He was conceived out of an affair I had with a married man. When I found out that I was pregnant I did let him know and asked of no help and yet was not offered any either (didn't expect to). Thought I could handle this on my own. What I didn't realize is how much my son would change my life. When my son was 6 months old I contacted his father to let him know. he came by, saw him, asked me what I wanted, and then suggested his son was not his. Asked him if he wanted he could get a DNA. At first he said he would (didn't really think he would) and he didn't. At the same time during this conversation he was looking for sex. Didn't see him or talk to him again until a few months ago when I ran into him. During the period of not talking to him and recently talking to him I have been on emotional roller coaster ride and unsure of what to do. When I saw him a few months ago he gave me his cell no. and told me to call him. He has seen my son (his son biologically) a few times in these past few months. Told me a month ago that he would help me by half of child care and seeing son and would continue to do so if I did not go to the child support office and file papers until after his son's (with wife) birthday in January. Then after that if I decided to file papers do it after than. Also, said by doing anything now will make him resentful and he won't see new son at all. Wants me to let him do it his way and he will learn to love new son. All at the same time he is still interested in sex and has yet to help in anyway like he has said. I don't want to carry this secret with me the rest of my life because I know what is has done to me in the past few years. At the same time I don't want to be the person that disrupts a family. I also want my son to be able to stand proud and that hopefully he will be a person that can accept resposibility of his actions right or wrong. But as a mother I feel that I need to do that as well in order to move on with my life. I realize this is a touchy / sensitive subject but I am at a lost. My life right now feels like a ride that won't end, catch-22, and holding onto the edge cliff for dear life.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

I would do the following:

 

1) See Legal Aid or a lawyer and file for child support immediately. They will advise you on all the details, including what to do if paternity is disputed.

 

2) Limit contact with the child's father to the bare minimum necessary for your son's benefit. Based on what you have said, this may very well be zero contact.

 

3) Make it crystal clear to the father that there will be no sex with him, ever again, end of discussion. (If it were me, I would be hooting with laughter at this request.)

 

4) Focus on building a life for my son and myself, including working on my education, employability, self-esteem and development of the part of my brain that says, "Hey, you can't treat me like that!"

 

5) Get the father out of my head as a person who can turn my life upside down with a word or a look.

 

6) Stay out of the married man's private life and keep him out of yours, except as necessary for your son.

 

My view of your situation: This man has treated both you and your son shabbily. (Also his wife and any other family emmbers, but that is not really your issue.) You have been unwise. Your son has legal and moral rights to adequate support from both parents. Your son is getting lots of support from you, but none from his bio-father. You are the sole de factor guardian of your son and responsible for defending his rights to support, so go get busy.

 

When you get your life back together and stable, you can think about looking for a better guy to be a husband and father. Make sure he's single, honest, decent, responsible and ethical first. Either get a very good introduction through friends, or hire a private investigator.

 

Good luck!

[Daveysgurl]

I was a child who was conceived on what was basically a one night stand, my father assumed no responsibility, I've never even met him. If I were in your position I would be thankful that you know your sons father well enough to tell him what his father is like. Don't install your hatred of his father into his mind. My mother did that to me and it has caused nothing but problems. I accept that all I have is my mother and that my bio-logical father wasn't the right person to father me I was later adopted by my step dad who could never be better. I'm sure if you just try to go about things legally to get financial support, and cut all feelings of wanting him to stay around then you will realize that there are men out there who want to be fathers but never had the chance. Just because this married man is the father shouldn't let you limit yourself in finding another man to be with.

[littleone]

Thank you for your post. I am glad I have found this site. It has been helpful and comforting to hear about others and hearing things from all sides. I do work full time and am now attending college part time in hopes for a better future for my son. I don't feel the need in saying anything negative to my son about his biological father because my son is part of him and I did receive the most beautiful part of him. I did contact a lawyer today to find out my / son's legal rights. His advice 'go get a paternity test establish and then get the financial support done'. So that is what I have done. The papers are turned in and I suddenly feel like a big weight has lifted for the moment. I hope this is the beginning of a new path for me with my son in life and now we can move on.

[lipglossboost]

As this forum is to be for 'support' of these types of 'relationships', I will refrain from giving my opinion on your stating that you do not want to break up a family.

 

I will say this, on the child support issue. If you initially agreed to no child support, does requesting it now feel right to you? I realize your son has turned out to be more than you bargained for, but you really should have thought of this before you slept with anyone, let alone a married man with a family already.

 

I am sure this is a tough time for you, and that as a mother, you only want what is best for your son. If you insist on filing for support, why not wait until Jan. as he has asked? Will 2 months really hurt, (especially when it's not likely you'll get anything until then anyway, even if you filed last week) ?

 

Be safe and make better choices in the future, for yourself and for your son,

~Lexi

[cindy0039]

Originally posted by lipglossboost

As this forum is to be for 'support' of these types of 'relationships', I will refrain from giving my opinion on your stating that you do not want to break up a family.

 

I will say this, on the child support issue. If you initially agreed to no child support, does requesting it now feel right to you? I realize your son has turned out to be more than you bargained for, but you really should have thought of this before you slept with anyone, let alone a married man with a family already.

 

I am sure this is a tough time for you, and that as a mother, you only want what is best for your son. If you insist on filing for support, why not wait until Jan. as he has asked? Will 2 months really hurt, (especially when it's not likely you'll get anything until then anyway, even if you filed last week) ?

 

Be safe and make better choices in the future, for yourself and for your son,

~Lexi

Lexi - Are you forgetting that it takes TWO to make a baby? And this man should have known what he was doing when he decided to sleep with someone other than his wife and be prepared for the consequences of that. Any man who is present for the conception of a child needs to be prepared to be responsible for his actions, no matter what. This woman is well within her rights to expect child support for her child. Beyond that, it's up to him what he wants to do and he has to live with it.

[lipglossboost]

I'm simply stating that the original poster should have known (and accepted,) at the beginning of the relationhip that she would always be second to his wife and family that she had no right to invade in the first place. I am not debating his role or that he was wrong as well. All he has apparently asked is that she wait a few months, which in most states, it will take that long to complete the process anyway.

 

Also, I assume he wants her to wait because his son with his wife is turning 18? She doesn't say, but she should be aware that the first child with the first wife will always come before any conceived after that. Basic child support law, in any state.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

The mother shouldn't wait - she should file for a paternity determination and support right now. I see the request to wait until January as a pure delaying tactic, nothing more. If she waits to file, I would expect to hear in January that the father asked for another delay due to his wife's illness or a business problem.

 

It is true that the unmarried mother has no legal or moral rights. However, the child does, and his mother is the only one who will stand up for him. It bothers the heck out of me that the father has done nothing to support this child he conceived almost three years ago.

 

He promised to provide support and has not done so, so yes, sadly, I do feel that the law must be involved on the child's behalf.

[littleone]

to: lipglossboot

 

You're right. I did find the support that I needed in this forum and look to in this forum. But you're also right in the fact that I did say I didn't want any support from him. I have also let that and him control me within. Is it okay that this man would like to continue a physical relationship with me without accepting responsibility for his son. No, it is not. It does take two to tango and two people to be responsible for protection. As you see, we were both irresponsible in that sense. No his son is not going to turn 18. His son is kindergarten. Sure, I could of waited two months. I have also given him ample amount of time to have a dna test done at my expense and at home without going to any medical office. Has he done that, no he hasn't. Right now, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Am I sorry about the situation, sure I am. Am I sorry about my son, no way. Does he deserve the right to know, yes he does. Do I want him going thru life wondering about his dad on who he is, no I don't. Would I rather handle this now instead of many years later, yes I would. Do I want my son to stand tall and proud with his head held high, yes I do. Do I want him to be afraid to accept responsibility for his actions regardless of what they are, no I don't. But, in order to do that, than I need to stand tall, hold my head high, not be afraid, and accept whatever comes my way in order to continue on with my life. I don't want to live my life as a hermit looking over my shoulder every time I go out. I don't want to have my stomach in knots in fear if I see him out and what would I say. I don't want to worry about what other people might think and does it really matter what they do think? Life is short and I don't want to not live it because of the fear of the unknown. My responsiblity is to myself and to my son. Just as he has the holidays coming up, so do I. I appreciated your post.

[lipglossboost]

Originally posted by littleone

to: lipglossboot

 

Do I want my son to stand tall and proud with his head held high, yes I do.

 

I have to ask, what does this have to do with filing for child support? Do you truly believe that when your son is old enough to know and understand the truth, that he will not feel shame about his conception simply because you are receiving X amount of dollars per month? Do you think he will have a better relationship with his father because of the filing? Those are flawed hopes, in my opinion.

 

Having been married to a man with an ex-wife and child, and then having been through my own divorce, let me break this all down for you :

 

Once his current wife finds out that he not only had an affair, but now also has a child to support outside of their marriage, she will likely file for divorce.

 

Then, she will receive alimony (more because he was unfaithful,) and child support, for her child/children. The first family ALWAYS comes first in the court system, fair or not. My stepdaughter would come before my own children, because she was conceived first, in my ex's first marriage.

 

Now, after the few months it will take for the DNA test, court ordered child support, his divorce and his support for his wife and first child, you are looking at a few months to a few YEARS ... the amount you are awarded for child support for your son will be calculated on the father's income, and WILL BE CALCULATED ON HOW MUCH OF IT IS LEFT OVER ***AFTER*** HE PAYS HIS EX-WIFE's SUPPORT PAYMENTS.

 

I think you are in for a nasty surprise. If his other child with his wife is that young, by all means start the process. I just feel from my own experience and extensive family law research and advice from my own attorney to me, that this is not going to be as simple as you seem to believe.

 

I wish you luck and the best for you and your son,

~Lexi

[cindy0039]

I think your last post makes a lot of assumptions that may or may not come into play, regarding whether the man's wife would divorce him, etc. Secondly, depending on what state a person lives in, your information about the law is not correct. I know that what you're saying about which child comes first, etc. doesn't apply in Texas. All children are treated the same (as well they should be). Whether a man is married or not married to the mother of his child makes no difference...he is still financially responsible for the child. Also, there are states that don't have automatic alimony. Texas is one of them. Anyway, I guess my point is that the law varies from state to state and everyone needs to consult with a lawyer to become well informed before making decisions.

[lipglossboost]

Originally posted by cindy0039

I think your last post makes a lot of assumptions that may or may not come into play, regarding whether the man's wife would divorce him, etc. Secondly, depending on what state a person lives in, your information about the law is not correct. I know that what you're saying about which child comes first, etc. doesn't apply in Texas. All children are treated the same (as well they should be). Whether a man is married or not married to the mother of his child makes no difference...he is still financially responsible for the child. Also, there are states that don't have automatic alimony. Texas is one of them. Anyway, I guess my point is that the law varies from state to state and everyone needs to consult with a lawyer to become well informed before making decisions.

 

 

 

Actually, Texas IS the very state I am referring to ... my stepdaughter and ex-husband's first wife live in Orange, TX .. we lived in Dallas, until 2 years ago.

 

In any case, I don't think we are helping the original poster by arguing amounst ourselves. I stated my opinion and the facts I know from my own experience, and that is really all anyone can do. I never said the alimony would be 'automatic', but there is certainly enough evidence of his infidelity that would go a long way in convincing any judge to grant alimony. And as far as assumptions go, if I didn't look into the future a bit and try to help someone avoid potential heartache, my advice would be worthless.

 

This is my final post on the matter. I was not aware that I was not allowed to have my own opinion here. I thought that was what these forums were for. When I ask for advice, I want honesty. Perhaps I should have told her what she wanted to hear.

 

I stand by my opinion and wish you and everyone here a good evening.

[Arabess]

Littleone....

I have a friend who had not just one....but TWO babies with a guy who was married. Long story and won't get into it. But, she too, tried to be fair and work things out with him. He ended up being a major AssClown and she had to take him to court PLUS is moving to another state just to stop the harassment.

 

I would certainly take the advice of those who told you to seek a lawyer. If you can't afford one...go to the Family Court Division at your local courthouse and they will walk you thru a "self file" at a minumum cost. You can also go to Family Services (one of the IRS divisions handle this) for $25 and they will set up a payment amount thru the courts.

 

You may love the guy now and want to keep good communications...that's to be commended. However, in time, everything changes and you have to look out for yourself and YOUR "little one"!!!!

[niceguysfinshlast]

if you no not want to play second fiddle dont play behind the virtuoso. we in america are beginning to understand what the consequences of moral incorrectness. the biggest loser will be the kids. this kid will probably grow up without a father, not understand himself, have problems with relationships, not have the best example of how to be a man, maybe have little to no respect for women and then repeat the cycle of having a kid with the father not there. having another man involved to help raise this kid will be okay but its always best to have biological there. i hope everything works out for every one involved but i see a hurricane coming for this guy, his kids and the wife.

[izzy]

My husband had an affair & a child was conceived. When I first found out I was angry I was disappointed, hurt. I said very hateful things about him & her, I also said things about the child (nothing bad things like I don't want that child around my children etc.). Then I came to terms after all the anger & hatred desolved, I found out how stong I am as a person & a human being. The child is not to blame it is not the childs fault the child did not ask to be born in this situation. I'm still with my husband & were working on getting our marriage back on track, this child will & is a part of our life & my childrens life, I treat this child if it's my own, I have no feeling for this other woman but she is also the childs mother & I have to be civil for the childs sake. She is giving Our family a hard time to spend time with the child we are in the process of going to court. What happens when the other women does not want the child in the fathers life because the father is not with her but his wife. She knew he was married, the same way he knew, I make no excuses for any of them but How is she going to explain to the child That Daddy stays with his wife & your brothers & sisters. She has to live with that not me.

 

I hope you have learned a lifes lesson I'm not here to judge

 

good luck with your son

[zily]

Originally posted by izzy

My husband had an affair & a child was conceived. When I first found out I was angry I was disappointed, hurt. I said very hateful things about him & her, I also said things about the child (nothing bad things like I don't want that child around my children etc.). Then I came to terms after all the anger & hatred desolved, I found out how stong I am as a person & a human being. The child is not to blame it is not the childs fault the child did not ask to be born in this situation. I'm still with my husband & were working on getting our marriage back on track, this child will & is a part of our life & my childrens life, I treat this child if it's my own, I have no feeling for this other woman but she is also the childs mother & I have to be civil for the childs sake. She is giving Our family a hard time to spend time with the child we are in the process of going to court. What happens when the other women does not want the child in the fathers life because the father is not with her but his wife. She knew he was married, the same way he knew, I make no excuses for any of them but How is she going to explain to the child That Daddy stays with his wife & your brothers & sisters. She has to live with that not me.

 

I hope you have learned a lifes lesson I'm not here to judge

 

good luck with your son

 

Sorry, Lady, I dont call you stong but weak.

 

having guts to leave a unfaithful husband requires more courage.

[otherwomen]

My best friend and also my secret lover MM have a baby together she was born in 2001. We we started our relationship (whatever if was called) in 2000. We went to HS together, haven't seen each other in like 15 yrs, found me on classmates and contacted me. Everything happened so fast. We were totally in love with each other.

Both our families hung out, I uprooted my family to another state and town where I was from, just to be near him, so he could see his child grow up. We hung out everyweekend all of us, and went on vacations.

 

My ex-best friends, squelled on me and told his wife last year.

I was so hurt, devasted, alone, and everything else.

He didn't leave his wife, didn't want to leave his kids and didn't want to hurt her.

Whatever......

 

Well our child is 3. He was very involved of course before because we always saw each other and it wasn't problem for him for my H and I. My husband doesn't know, and I never want to tell him, he will be devasted.

 

Well now this jerk (whom I still love ) wants to share custody...come open to the public. Hello I told him we had made a promise that we will never do that. So he is playing this big guilt trip on me.

 

I don't trust him and I am afraid he is going to explode and do something. We did do a DNA on us privately.

 

My little girl loves my husband (her daddy) I don't want to screw her up or my husband.

Even though I am not in love with my husband still I don't ever want to do this.

 

It's just so messed up.

But I am sticking firm to this.

I don't want MM in my her life.

I don't want child support

I have enough money.

 

What sucks is that we live like 1 mile away and his kids go to the same school as mine.

 

It hurts so bad too.

All the emails he wrote, the phone calls all day...seeing each other all the time, and I am so loney. I was so depressed last year. Then two weeks after DD, my mom died. Wasn't a good year.

 

I don't care what other people think of afairs.

We loved each other.

He still loves me and misses me he says.

He just doesn't believe in divorce???

hello....then he shouldn't have contacted me.

 

I don't know how to get over him.

I missss him sooooo much!

 

Thanks for listening...

Any suggestions?

 

I do go to counseling...nothing helps.

[kiababy]

I actually want to reply to Otherwomen - I read your post and the other one you sent at the end of Istilllovehim's thread. I feel so bad for you, my situation is nothing like yours but I also understand the feelings of sadness, loneliness and not feeling loved. I tried counselling too - to get to the bottom of why I have affairs with married men. Didn't help me either. If you want to chat you can start a new thread and I'll look for it. Hugs.

[otherwomen]

Why do these ex MM have to send emails like this?

Is it just to hurt us or what???

If he was so in love with me then he should have left his marriage.

I like the we had part, and the we were in love. So "we" is no longer.

He might as well stabbed me. It probably would have felt better.

He sends me these stupid emails that really really get to me and make me cry.

I am not responding back, I think was rude to send to someone that was/is in love.

I was very stupid to ever believing him that we would be together.

He had his cake and ate it too.

I am in a loveless marriage and he knows that.

He knew I would leave too.

So he had the best of both worlds, had her at home and me on the side, probably for the good sex that he wasn't getting at home.

Makes me angry.

He will do it again - I wasn't the only one, he had a one night stand at his work place.

What a idiot..

 

 

 

[color=red][font=courier new]We didn't kill anybody, we were in love and enjoying each other. As far as

I am concerned, they all want to do something like we did. They wish they

had a relationship like we had. They couldn't stand us being happy and had

to make sure they did something to ruin it.[/font][/color]

[kiababy]

"As far as I am concerned, they all want to do something like we did. They wish they had a relationship like we had"

 

....when I read that a cold chill went down my spine....my MM says that all the time - that other people 'wish they had what we have....'

 

Damn, these relationships are all the same - great for the men while they want it - sh***y for the women. I wish I could tell you how to get over him, but if I could do that then I would have applied the advice to myself and I wouldn't be on this site, trying to make sense of a bad/doomed-to-failure situation.

 

May I ask why your marriage 'loveless'? Did your affair cause you to (unintentially) alienate your husband ? Or is he just not doing whatever it is that makes YOU feel loved? If your husband treats your daughter well - consider that a huge blessing because chances are, he will be the only man she ever calls 'daddy'.

 

Anyway, that nonsense your MM gave you about not believing in divorce is horse***t. If he really wanted to make a life with you, he would have done it. All over this forum are posts from women just like us, being fed these ridiculous lines about why these men can't leave their wives. It's not money, it's not because of the kids, it's not because they don't believe in divorce. There is only one real reason: THEY DON'T WANT TO.

[otherwomen]

You are so right about what you wrote.

I like what you say to me.

I wish I had a friend near me like you.

 

My marriage has always been loveless.

I just fell out of love with him about 5 years ago.

I have a son from when I was younger who is 15 and my husband and I have a daughter who is 6 and then the little one from "jerk &ff" who is 3. And I am so glad that she loves her "daddy."

 

He is not a mean guy or anything like that.

Actually he is a very good catch.

I just fell out of love.

He is a family man, comes from a very well to do family life style.

So that is good.

He is a great dad.

 

That is why I went for my friend when he contacted me.

I knew that I could get him because he liked me ages ago.

And I did.

We are so perfect together, but his wife must be better.

He is stable at home.

She used to tell us when we all got to gether that him and I should get married we were just alike. It's true. We have everything in common, and when we would see each other our eyes would lite up each time, it was never boring.

 

I have never had a boyfriend like that before, NEVER. I used to get bored after a while. But with him I never did, and I know I never would.

 

I'm just really really really hurt still.

My therapist is trying to help me.

But it just won't leave my mind, ya know?

My life just seems worthless.

I know I have my kids and stuff, but I want that love back, I want to love someone and give him my whole heart and soul and to have that for me.

 

Are you still with your MM?

[kiababy]

I feel/have felt everything you're saying...wow! I fell out of love with my ex-husband too. Just didn't feel loved anymore...actually I just didn't feel at all, nothing. Not just for him, I've never felt connected to anyone....until my MM. Yes we're still together - I think that's brought me to this forum. I had no success talking to a therapist either, all a therapist says is 'leave him, he's no good for you...' well DUH! We KNOW that. But...your MM and mine make us feel like we have never felt before right? How do you walk away from that? How do you forget the total happiness you feel whenever you're with him? I understand what you're saying about how your eyes would light up when you would see each other.

 

My MM and I get so excited when we see each other, or even talk on the phone for that matter, that we can't stop smiling. We laugh about how much our faces hurt from smiling and how happy we make each other.

 

First, I should establish that he says he loves his wife and doesn't want to leave her. He says the fact that they have a horrible sex life does not make him love her any less.

But....as ridiculous as it sounds he wants to have two women in his life...his wife, and me.

 

When we first met he didn't immediately admit he was married until after we had already done it. But I was hooked right away. He told me he had lots of women - not hard to imagine as he is exceptionally good looking - if you watch 'Sex in the City', picture someone very similar to 'Smith' - Samantha's young lover. Tall, longish blond hair, blue eyes and a wicked body. But his attitude is more 'surfer dude'. He's 26 and married his high-school sweetheart. He tells me everything - he admitted he has been cheating on her since high school, he was her 'first' and they do have sex but she complains he 'hurts' her. He retaliates (he does not look at it that way) by cheating, which she did not know about until one of his women phoned her and told her! ...and by watching porn, which he doesn't hide but she absolutely hates. No surprise there.

 

Oh yeah, he called me today with another 'confession'.....ever the happy, horny drunk, he told me he was out with his buddy Saturday night, got drunk and picked up a girl and had sex with her. He said he felt guilty and had to tell me because he felt like he cheated....not on his wife, only on me........

 

My reaction was "Oh?" he then said that he didn't need to tell me this but the sex was terrible....I replied "Awww, what a shame...." silence...then he asked "Aren't you jealous?" "Nope" "Not even little bit?" "No honey, you aren't mine anyway, how the hell can I be jealous?" Then he asked "Don't you even care???" So I said "Of course, I care, but you DON'T BELONG TO ME ANYWAY" "That's not true!! I do belong to you, more than you know...I can't explain it to you or put it into words, but I really do belong to you!"

 

I said something like 'that's so sweeeet''' (yep, I'm an idiot), then we launched into our usuual "...you're so amazing....what I love about you is...." back and forth.

 

After 20 minutes of mutual admiration gushing (we always talk about having 'feelings'...and 'caring' about each other, we've been dancing around the word 'love' for months, neither of us wanting to say it). He said he was sooooo happy and felt better because he knew he HAD to tell me....and for the millionth time how 'lucky he is to have me in his life...'

 

"No secrets."

"No darling, no secrets - ever"

 

 

If you can find it in your heart to stay with your husband and give your marriage a chance, without the influence of your MM - of course it will take lots of time.....then do it honey. I've been divorced for 5 years, divorce is HORRIBLE - it is hell, absolute hell. You have a good man who loves your children, all of them, what a wonderful man. If you don't love him I totally understand, but if you feel you can stay, I hope you do. But whatever you do, I'm behind you 100%, do what makes you happy, everyone deserves to be happy Keep your chin up.

[Xamira]

Originally posted by lipglossboost ... the amount you are awarded for child support for your son will be calculated on the father's income, and WILL BE CALCULATED ON HOW MUCH OF IT IS LEFT OVER ***AFTER*** HE PAYS HIS EX-WIFE's SUPPORT PAYMENTS.

 

 

Just a lurker here so I hope you dont mind me imposing my 2 cents. i am currently in my 8th month of pregancy, i have spoken with lawyers in Texas and New York. In New York, as well as many other states, it has nothing to do with the chilren of the marriage coming first, it has a matter to do with who FILES FIRST. If OW files FIRST the OC benefits by getting a "bigger piece of the pie" .... the BW waits and files for divorce & CS AFTER the OW & OC are granted court ordered support, her children 's cs will be calcualted AFTER THE CS FOR OC IS DEDUCTED-- in other words, then the children of the marriage get the "left-overs" . It works the other way around, if the OW waits until the BW files for divorce and child support FIRST, the her and OC get the leftovers.

 

 

Now dont get me wrong, in NY the courts do factor in if the parent being sued for CS has primary care of existing children... they do deduct something for that but it is a lot less than they deduct if the father is actually paying CS for a child not living with him. So even in that case, if the W were to divorce him after OW is granted CS, the CS going to the BW would be proportionally less.

 

I just spoke with my attorney this week ( in Texas) and mentioned that MM has 2 children already and is married. i was told that doesnt factor into it , only if he is already paying court ordered CS for children not livng with him ( if they were divorced) , then it is deducted from the rest of the "pie"