anya85 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 So we aren't exclusive--but I feel very certain that it's going in that direction soon. Any way, my issue is that while he's great, attractive, funny and seems to adore me--he's sort of a perv! He's incredibly vocal about things/women/clothing he finds attractive. Not so much real girls out in public(that would *not* be ok), but movie girls, posters, pictures. Going through the video store with him--sort of obnoxious because he's jokingly picking up all the dumb ones without storylines that have half naked women on them. Literally, it seems like if something can in any way, shape or form be associated in any sexual way, he'll pick up on it and comment. It's *all* the time. I know guys are visual and most of them probably do think this way--I'm just not use to someone bringing it up and talking about it all the time. I guess the guys I dated in the past kept their mouths shut about hot poster/movie/swimsuit/commercial woman. I know this sounds bad--but really otherwise he's a great guy. He texts me all the time, calls me frequently, makes plans with me several times a week, future-talks about things we'll do together, loves cuddling and handholding, he'd be perfect if he could learn to keep his mouth shut about hot girls! Women don't want to hear that stuff--but especially not all the time. Thoughts?
jessicasilver Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 my boyfriend is the same .. he never used to be like that before but now he wont ever shut up it kinda hurts and makes me feel really insecure! i just ignore it and dont give him the satisfaction of seeing me getting angry over it! its funny when i do it back to him he has the biggest fit ever... cant handle his own medicine LOL
lucy9216 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 If he is really into and you are really into him maybe you can mention it nicely though, hmmmm.... it is delicate because you don't want to seem pushy. Maybe you can start pointing out cute guys on movie posters etc. not to the extent he is of course but maybe with doing that he will notice that it is not that attractive for the person you are with to do that. So I would say just reverse the roles and see how he takes it. This made me think of a guy I dated for 2 years, he was very much like this but worse he would make manly grunting noises whenever an attractive woman even walked by, so my red headed temper came out one day and I said very loudly " Do you want to f*** her? if so I will get her number for you" needless to say I embarrassed both of them immensly. He never did that again but the guy was a total looser anyway. Don't do what I did though, if you really like him don't do that okay.
Surfer Dude Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I, for one, like to people watch and if a girl told me to stop checking out other girls, I'd have to tell her to zip it. What's the big deal? It's not like he's F-ing them. Relax and respect yourself.
collegekid491 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Think your taking it a wee bit to seriously... I mean honestly, I am guilty of the same behavior, I do it in more of a playful manner though. I know alot of girls who take what I say literally, they last maybe 2 weeks, but sometimes you just gotta relax and read between the lines. Honestly, he probably is trying to make you laugh or doesn't know it bugs you, how is he supposed to help fix the problem if he doesn't know there is one? Tell him, I know many ppl who come to these sites, voice a problem and dump a bf/gf based on advice without the other even knowing what they did wrong and it turns out it was a miscommunication that caused the problem in the first place.
D-Lish Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I have to laugh at guys like this. They vocalize it so loudly because they are incredibly insecure- they lack genuine confidence. Any confident, cool guy doesn't have to point these kinds of things out because he doesn't feel the need to PROVE anything. He is trying to get under your skin and get a reaction from you when he does this. He is also setting YOU up to feel insecure about yourself. This is the same guy that will turn around and call you jealous and insecure if you have any reaction at all to this behaviour.... He's not confident and he's over compensating.
boogieboy Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Yeah if you have a problem with his behavior, how bout you tell HIM about it?
Mahatma Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 He is trying to get under your skin and get a reaction from you when he does this. Yup... That is why he is doing that. I suggest you completely call it out next time he does it. "Are you trying to make me feel jealous? Cuz it's just turning me off every time you do that."
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 D-Lish I'm the same way. Afew of my friends husbands are like this and boy, it's funny to watch. My friends are humoured by it too, though they just let it roll off their backs as they've heard it all before .. Don't let him make you feel insecure, this is just the way he is. Most men like to look at other women and it's not about you! Its just human nature..I mean, I'm female and I DO check out women too. I noticed boobs, how they bounce, a woman's hair and how it looks, how her body is in a dress etc.. NO I'm not gay or anything, but I can appreciate a woman's beauty. I also look at men, too. Doesn't mean anything and it certainly doesn't take away anything that I feel about my H.
ratingsguy Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I guess it depends to what degree this is being done. If he's truly doing it all the time, and it bothers you, you need to delicately say something to him. Just tell him how you feel in a loving way. But don't be a nag about it... otherwise prepare for this problem to get worse. Most guys do think that way, I know I do. However, I am VERY careful when verbalizing those thoughts in front of my GF, even if it's in a joking way. I know my GF has some insecurities about her appearance, even though most guys find her attractive and she does get hit on. No matter who they are, all girls are insecure to some extent about the way they look. So considering that, it's best for most guys to tone that kind of behavior down if they want to help maintain their girl's self-esteem.
D-Lish Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Most guys do think that way, I know I do. However, I am VERY careful when verbalizing those thoughts in front of my GF, even if it's in a joking way. I know my GF has some insecurities about her appearance, even though most guys find her attractive and she does get hit on. No matter who they are, all girls are insecure to some extent about the way they look. So considering that, it's best for most guys to tone that kind of behavior down if they want to help maintain their girl's self-esteem. Hey Ratings, I think you keep things like that to yourself because you are a stand up guy. Hell, I have an active imagination! I am attracted to other men- I think about sex with hollywood actors and sport hero's... But I would never say anything to the guy I am dating about it. Why? Because I KNOW it would make him feel a little bad... And I don't want to make someone I care about feel bad! It's not a guy thing... Women are attracted to other men as well! It's all a part of the human condition. I think there is something "off" about a person that goes out of his way to intentionally make the person he is dating feel bad- just so he can feel better. He knows it makes her feel bad, he knows it gets to her... That is why HE is the one with the issues. He doesn't feel good about himself, so he tries to make her feel bad about herself. There is only one solution to this problem- and that is to say "thanks, but no thanks".
rod_in_gtown Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 It's definitely a guy thing, we do it all the time and he's probably used to doing it a lot with his guy friends. I've recently started seeing someone and I've been good but I've seen her comment on similar guy behavior about friends of her and even though once or twice a stupid raw comment will escape me I've learned to censor myself a little bit. It's not that he wants other women, it's that we as guys interacting with each other are expected to behave this way, and if we're encouraged by the girl we're seeing that this is ok, we will do it around them as well. I mean what guy doesn't LOVE a girl that allows them to be themselves? the good and the bad. If it's not a big deal, just shrug it off as one of his guy-ness things, if it really bothers you just tell him something like "I understand that this is what guys do around each other but would you mind toning it down around me? I'm a girl" and don't forget to be sweet about it. Otherwise you might turn him off.
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