heatherb16 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 So less than 10 minutes ago I sent my ex a text telling him that I wont be contacting him anymore. I let him know that when he wants to try again and start a new, fresh friendship, then he can contact me. I am giving him the reigns to contact me because it seems as if when he contacts me we will both be ready. I feel like it hasn't been working lately because of the way he is talking to me. He isn't sincere. And sometimes he is rude. We recently broke up, less than 2 weeks ago, and initially I thought a friendship could be started right off the bat. It didn't seem like the case, though. Today was another day where I became angry. I texted him and was very rude expressing my feelings. I realized that this is not healthy for me and I'm still going to need a lot of time to heal so that anger will not interfere with our new friendship. We are both still in a stage where we are upset, angry, and frustrated with one another. We both just need our space. It's going to be very tough though. I'm scared of giving in. I've told myself constantly these past couple weeks that I will break contact with him, but I think that today is a breaking point for me. I sent the last text and I told him not to respond. Hopefully I can stay strong. I just want to know what he's doing. I want to know how he's doing. I want to know how his family is doing. I want to know everything. It's going to be difficult. It's going to suck. It almost seems impossible. I erased his number in hopes that I would go to my contact list and not see his name and be reminded, though I still have his number memorized. Anyways, any advice on NC?
boogieboy Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Yeah, you DONT need to be friends with him now. I assume he broke up with you? You cant be friends when emotions are so high. Good job erasing his number, now you have to stop replying to his texts. You dont need to know how hes doing, or what hes doing. If you broke it off, he will be rude, and he should be.
northstar1 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 So less than 10 minutes ago I sent my ex a text telling him that I wont be contacting him anymore. I let him know that when he wants to try again and start a new, fresh friendship, then he can contact me. I am giving him the reigns to contact me because it seems as if when he contacts me we will both be ready. I feel like it hasn't been working lately because of the way he is talking to me. He isn't sincere. And sometimes he is rude. We recently broke up, less than 2 weeks ago, and initially I thought a friendship could be started right off the bat. It didn't seem like the case, though. Today was another day where I became angry. I texted him and was very rude expressing my feelings. I realized that this is not healthy for me and I'm still going to need a lot of time to heal so that anger will not interfere with our new friendship. We are both still in a stage where we are upset, angry, and frustrated with one another. We both just need our space. It's going to be very tough though. I'm scared of giving in. I've told myself constantly these past couple weeks that I will break contact with him, but I think that today is a breaking point for me. I sent the last text and I told him not to respond. Hopefully I can stay strong. I just want to know what he's doing. I want to know how he's doing. I want to know how his family is doing. I want to know everything. It's going to be difficult. It's going to suck. It almost seems impossible. I erased his number in hopes that I would go to my contact list and not see his name and be reminded, though I still have his number memorized. Anyways, any advice on NC? It is a fallacy that you can remain friends after a breakup. You can't. Maybe down the road when you both no longer have feelings you can. It takes us time to sometimes learn this, but truly you cannot be friends right now. People will argue that if you were friends before, you can still remain 'friends' after. Not likely. You don't want to know what they are up to, or who they are out with or who they are dating. As many have said, I can attest, NC does work. NC is for you to heal and get some emotional separation. To unwire your brain from all the connections that are inherantly made during a relationship. Having any sort of contact or news about him, or his family will just keep things going in your head. IF you don't have that space, you will just keep reliving them in a often painful fashion. You've sent your last note, now stick with NC. Keep yourself busy with friends, exercise, hobbies. One day, you can perhaps revisit the friendship route, but for now, it simply will not work.
kizik Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 It is a fallacy that you can remain friends after a breakup. You can't. Maybe down the road when you both no longer have feelings you can. It takes us time to sometimes learn this, but truly you cannot be friends right now. People will argue that if you were friends before, you can still remain 'friends' after. Not likely. You don't want to know what they are up to, or who they are out with or who they are dating. As many have said, I can attest, NC does work. NC is for you to heal and get some emotional separation. To unwire your brain from all the connections that are inherantly made during a relationship. Having any sort of contact or news about him, or his family will just keep things going in your head. IF you don't have that space, you will just keep reliving them in a often painful fashion. You've sent your last note, now stick with NC. Keep yourself busy with friends, exercise, hobbies. One day, you can perhaps revisit the friendship route, but for now, it simply will not work. Good call North. You are right that NC works, and it should be for you and not to entice the other into "wondering" about you.
Quest Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 It's definitely the best way after a break up. All contact does is confuse, or bring about some sort of short-lived reconciliation - short-lived because neither person has had a chance to work out a way forward, all the initial problems, resentments etc still being there. Whatever is going to happen, reconciliation or long-term break up there has to be SPACE. I've seen NC bring people back together and I've seen it help people get over someone. Both possibilities are better than on-going, messy contact.
Author heatherb16 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 Thank you guys for everything. I'm starting to feel a little bit of regret, now. My last text to him was telling him how he can contact me when he is ready to start fresh, but now that I look back at it, it was a little harsh. At the time I was mad, angry, and frustrated, and now that I've cooled off, I think that I was pretty mean to him. I don't want him to remember my last text to him as being rude. I want him to remember me as the nice girl he fell in love with. Is it a little weird that I'm almost hoping he texts me so I can stay strong and ignore him? I've never been strong when it came to him. I always gave in. To a lot. When I sent that last text I know that he's thinking I will give in, in a day or two. That's what I'm excited for. To stand up, and be strong, for the first time
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