d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 GUYS .. how do you treat girls that are just friends differently from girls you are interested in? i'm not sure if the guy I like LIKES me or is just nice/friendly
boogieboy Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Does he look you in the eyes? If he is flirting, he might be interested, but you have to flirt back. You cant be subtle about it. He might be waiting for cues from you. If he keeps up the flirting and asks you for your number, hes interested. If he doesnt flirt back, then you know hes not interested.
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 Does he look you in the eyes? If he is flirting, he might be interested, but you have to flirt back. You cant be subtle about it. He might be waiting for cues from you. If he keeps up the flirting and asks you for your number, hes interested. If he doesnt flirt back, then you know hes not interested. sorry I forgot to mention we're already friends yes he flirts, yes he looks into my eyes we talk (IM or text) everyday, but idk if it's out of kindness (cause he's a nice guy) or something more ..
boogieboy Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 So push it to the next level. Go make a date. Once you get to the date, make some moves. You gonna wait forever for HIM to give you a hint? Youre both too chicken to take a risk.
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 So push it to the next level. Go make a date. Once you get to the date, make some moves. You gonna wait forever for HIM to give you a hint? Youre both too chicken to take a risk. no no, he just recently got out of a 1.5 year relationship .. i'm not sure he's ready
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 As long as your friend knows you're single, if he's truly attracted to you, he will act in a way which separates you out from the pack and focuses strictly on you. Usually, this is done by asking you out on a date. If he doesn't, he's not sufficiently attracted to overcome any inhibitions he might otherwise have. If you see him as a long-term prospect, that isn't a good sign, as it indicates the propensity for an unbalanced relationship. Further, when a man is interested less, he is more likely to notice someone else, leading to more imbalance. Unhealthiness results. If he's young and inexperienced, he gets one pass (in the romantic sense) from you. That's it. If he doesn't get it then, move on Edited to add, since he's just out of a R, he's not truly single, unless he was the dumper and was emotionally detached prior to the end of the R. I'd leave this one be for now.
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 As long as your friend knows you're single, if he's truly attracted to you, he will act in a way which separates you out from the pack and focuses strictly on you. Usually, this is done by asking you out on a date. If he doesn't, he's not sufficiently attracted to overcome any inhibitions he might otherwise have. If you see him as a long-term prospect, that isn't a good sign, as it indicates the propensity for an unbalanced relationship. Further, when a man is interested less, he is more likely to notice someone else, leading to more imbalance. Unhealthiness results. If he's young and inexperienced, he gets one pass (in the romantic sense) from you. That's it. If he doesn't get it then, move on Edited to add, since he's just out of a R, he's not truly single, unless he was the dumper and was emotionally detached prior to the end of the R. I'd leave this one be for now. it was a mutual break-up but I think he was more into the relationship than she was idk he keeps saying we need to hang out .. w/e that means
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 My instinct right now is, if you are attracted to him, do not hang out with him. He likely feels something for you but it is fogged by the emotions of his breakup and is unclear. It may not have anything to do with you and rather is a generalized desire for validation and, when you validate him, he feels an attraction to that, but not enough to proactively pursue you. If his relationship was long (as in more than a year), he's experienced enough to know what he wants. Listen to his actions. They don't lie
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 My instinct right now is, if you are attracted to him, do not hang out with him. He likely feels something for you but it is fogged by the emotions of his breakup and is unclear. It may not have anything to do with you and rather is a generalized desire for validation and, when you validate him, he feels an attraction to that, but not enough to proactively pursue you. If his relationship was long (as in more than a year), he's experienced enough to know what he wants. Listen to his actions. They don't lie yeah I just dont understand that even while he was with her we still talked alot (not as much as now though) he still told me I was "cute" "gorgeous" came to visit me at work & then another time went to get coffee with me .. we actually haven't hung out since hes been single
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 IMO, that's validation-seeking behavior, sometimes a feature of the monkey-branch theory of relationships, where the person seeks to capture the emotions of another either prior to dumping or when in fear of being dumped or, if passive-aggressive, behaving in such a way that compels the existing partner to dump them. Take a month hiatus from him and see what happens. It's interesting that you haven't physically seen him since his breakup. Very interesting.
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 IMO, that's validation-seeking behavior, sometimes a feature of the monkey-branch theory of relationships, where the person seeks to capture the emotions of another either prior to dumping or when in fear of being dumped or, if passive-aggressive, behaving in such a way that compels the existing partner to dump them. Take a month hiatus from him and see what happens. It's interesting that you haven't physically seen him since his breakup. Very interesting. lol it's impossible to take a month break from him .. he'll email, text, call, IM or find some way to get in touch with me & I don't want to ignore him I like him too much .. I don't really understand what you're saying ...
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 It's easy. Just ignore him. Or, suggest that you'd love to talk with him, over dinner. He's buying Then, leave it at that. Go on about your life. Plenty of other guys out there who do want to date you. IMO, if you continue upon the current path, you risk becoming a tampon, a sponge for him. What's in that for you?
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 It's easy. Just ignore him. Or, suggest that you'd love to talk with him, over dinner. He's buying Then, leave it at that. Go on about your life. Plenty of other guys out there who do want to date you. IMO, if you continue upon the current path, you risk becoming a tampon, a sponge for him. What's in that for you? hmm I really don't think i'm a "sponge" he probably just needs time, but i'm not waiting much longer
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 OK, good test. When you talk, what would you say the balance of conversation is? Exclude the 'hi cutie' and 'hey gorgeous' and 'we really need to get together' part. How interested is he in your daily life and how much does he remember? Since you're saying that you haven't 'hung out' since he became single and you talk a lot less now than prior, this leads me to believe he was visualizing you as an alternative when in his R but not so much now, for whatever reason. Is he protecting a good friend? IDK, not knowing your history. Try this.... say 'I've noticed we haven't had as much contact of late. How are things going?' Listen to the response. Then, throw in something about your life like 'I've been doing xxxx and have been having a blast'. Go into some detail. Gauge his interest. If you don't get the sense that he's engaged and interested, either in sharing his realities with you or being curious about your life, then, as the cliche goes, 'he's just not that into you'. That's my opinion anyway. YMMV
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 OK, good test. When you talk, what would you say the balance of conversation is? Exclude the 'hi cutie' and 'hey gorgeous' and 'we really need to get together' part. How interested is he in your daily life and how much does he remember? Since you're saying that you haven't 'hung out' since he became single and you talk a lot less now than prior, this leads me to believe he was visualizing you as an alternative when in his R but not so much now, for whatever reason. Is he protecting a good friend? IDK, not knowing your history. Try this.... say 'I've noticed we haven't had as much contact of late. How are things going?' Listen to the response. Then, throw in something about your life like 'I've been doing xxxx and have been having a blast'. Go into some detail. Gauge his interest. If you don't get the sense that he's engaged and interested, either in sharing his realities with you or being curious about your life, then, as the cliche goes, 'he's just not that into you'. That's my opinion anyway. YMMV yeah the reason why I said I dont think i'm a sponge is because he's always asking me how I am & always remembers things I say/like the conversations aren't all about him & why not so much now? we talk even more now then we did when he was in the relationship
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Sorry, I had the communication flow dynamic backwards. You talk more now. Got it. Let me go back and read some of your past posts and see if I can gain insight....
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 Sorry, I had the communication flow dynamic backwards. You talk more now. Got it. Let me go back and read some of your past posts and see if I can gain insight.... haha my past posts are rediculous
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 OK, is this the same guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177618/ I wondered where my frustration was coming from
Author d0ll Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 OK, is this the same guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177618/ I wondered where my frustration was coming from oh god NO he turned out to be gay haha
lucy9216 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Wow, I don't know what to say to this one because I was in a relationship for 6 years and I was engaged. One month after he purposed he left me and he was talking to 2 other girls when he decided to leave me! he actually started talking to them right after he purposed.. hmmmm... anyways he and I are actually good friends now, one of the girls was interested in him but he didn't see her that way, that was hard to beleive with hundreds of text messages back and forth between the two. Anywhoo I think you should back off a bit because from what I noticed with my ex, I was not giving him the attention he wanted Men love having their ego boosted and I never gave him that, so he just wanted attention and I think this may be similar to your situation. He just got out of a relationship that he prolly was not very satisfied with and he is turning to you for that attention. I do say to back off a little, when he texts or calls or emails wait do not respond right away if he is really interested in you and only you he will continue to pursue you but back off and I also agree that a month is a good amount of time and try not to give him all of that attention he is looking for that will be a test to see if he really does like you.
boogieboy Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 If you know hes not ready, leave him alone. Youre a tampon to him now, and you will probably be that way for months. If hes not ready, you are probably putting yourself in the friend zone with him, then you will NEVER get what you want. Tell him you need him to stop contacting you until he is ready to date you.
Author d0ll Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 Wow, I don't know what to say to this one because I was in a relationship for 6 years and I was engaged. One month after he purposed he left me and he was talking to 2 other girls when he decided to leave me! he actually started talking to them right after he purposed.. hmmmm... anyways he and I are actually good friends now, one of the girls was interested in him but he didn't see her that way, that was hard to beleive with hundreds of text messages back and forth between the two. Anywhoo I think you should back off a bit because from what I noticed with my ex, I was not giving him the attention he wanted Men love having their ego boosted and I never gave him that, so he just wanted attention and I think this may be similar to your situation. He just got out of a relationship that he prolly was not very satisfied with and he is turning to you for that attention. I do say to back off a little, when he texts or calls or emails wait do not respond right away if he is really interested in you and only you he will continue to pursue you but back off and I also agree that a month is a good amount of time and try not to give him all of that attention he is looking for that will be a test to see if he really does like you. If you know hes not ready, leave him alone. Youre a tampon to him now, and you will probably be that way for months. If hes not ready, you are probably putting yourself in the friend zone with him, then you will NEVER get what you want. Tell him you need him to stop contacting you until he is ready to date you. we were talking before he got into the relationship with her & then of course while he was in the relationship with her I backed off & dated other guys (none worked out & he was always in the back of my mind) but anyway I don't think of myself as a "sponge" & I always had a feeling he was keeping me near because he knew their relationship wasnt going to work out .. of course I could be wrong I guess only time will tell PS: men aren't the only ones that like attention ;p
Author d0ll Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 OK so apparently the visiting me at work thing really didn't mean anything he 'just wanted to say hello'
WineCountry Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 we were talking before he got into the relationship with her Okay...so why didnt he ask YOU out instead of his ex??
Author d0ll Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Okay...so why didnt he ask YOU out instead of his ex?? yeah that's what i'm trying to figure out idk if it's being friendly or something more ..
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