lostinthesauce Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 im 22 and she is 24...been together for 7 years!! we've had an up and down relationship and we were once quite in love and i mean LOVE...i admit i took her for granted often, never did wat i was supposed to do for a woman, dont even know how we lasted this long, but i was young, went thru some real tough times and couldnt express myself emotionally, i guess she took it as i did not care anymore. she broke it off with me a few weeks ago bc she said she need space, then i find out she has cheated on me for over a year!!!! with one of her ex's which is 42!!!! he basically raped her when she was 15 years old and i cant believe she went back to him?!!!! this hurts a lot and i really really love this girl..i feel i almost caused this myself for not giving her any affection, not letting her know how i feel about her, no communication, no anything... honestly, i want to trust her again and put her back into my life, and i feel she wants to come back into it..but she says shes sad bc things will never be healthy or ever be the same? is this true..i mean i realize it will be lots of work to gain her trust back and i know she truly isnt the cheater type..i mean i did kinda bring this opun myself and im pretty sure if i would have been giving her what i should have she wont of strayed off...can i ever have a function relationship with her again and trust her? can things ever be the same or better..beause even after i found out i was madd for a while but i just want her back in my life bc i love her so much and i know deep downinside she loves me to...PLEASE HELP!!
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Well, to begin with you have to decide just how much you are prepared to put into this, because she has to match it. That means breaking off all contact with him, in any way shape or form, and attending some pretty heavy counselling. You need it to be able to understand why things have reached the level they have, how your input (or lack of it) has in any way contributed to this, and get closure. Let me say immediately, you are not to BLAME for her decisions. All I'm saying is that couples have equal responsibility for their inputs, and as you have said yourself, maybe you have been emotionally withdrawn...? So... how to address that... She needs to be able to understand what made her go to someone who abused her in her youth - why would anyone re-visit that? What she might have felt was lacking in her engagement with you - from her perspective, not yours... and she needs to be completely honest with you - and with herself. Lastly - it may be that this will not be enough to keep you guys together. Counselling isn't necessarily about preventing break-up. Counselling is about finding yourselves on the same page - even if it's the end of the chapter. Counselling is about communication. It's somewhat lacking so far, isn't it.....? Good luck. I wish you well.
Recommended Posts