Sceptre4444 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Hello, I'm struggling with my Girlfriend and her friends. She and I have been together for 1 year. My struggle is that she likes to listen to her friends at length. She finds it socially hard to end a conversation as she fears it will reflect poorly upon her. Instead of quietly disengaging herself she continues to nod her head, to appear interested. Unfortunately, often I'm at the table/house at the same time as this goes on and I find it really dull. For the first hour or so I go along with it, but then I get anxious. I feel trapped. It seems I can't leave, because we arrive in one car, I can't whisper to ask to leave, because apparently whispering is rude. It seems the only thing I can do is just sit there, FOR HOURS and HOURS on end. Occasionally I speak up to interject a comment, but that just fuels the friend to keep talking about her stuff. Never does the friend attempt to balance the conversation to include me. I'm to sit there and listen, and to appear interested. This seems like a problem. I've asked my GF to attempt to keep the conversation to reasonable duration. Last time, her friend was eating her chip dip, and therefore my GF felt it would be rude to wrap up the conversation and make our way for the door. So we sat, and sat and sat. My GF does realize that I don't enjoy when this happens, but it's pitting my desire to leave against her desire to be supportive to her long winded friends. It feels like I'm being held hostage. I somewhat blame my GF for not feeling it's ok to disengage from a conversation. Any ideas how to balance this ? Thanks Stuck
whimsical_memory Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 It sure does not seem like your girlfriend has a lot of respect for you or your wishes! Could you refuse to accompany your girlfriend when visiting these friends? If your girlfriend knows that you are unhappy but continues to drag you along, I would have to wonder just how much she actually cares about you. There is a time to be a supportive friend, and a time to be a supportive girlfriend.
carhill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Any ideas how to balance this ? Sure. Don't go Also, express your feelings about being 'trapped' to her away from those experiences during a calm time between you two. Your GF should be aware of and respectful of your presence and support, lest she begin to prioritize her friends over you (by not being proactive in achieving balance) and this will likely (and apparently does) lead to resentment by you. Not good. Set your boundary. Personally, if I were confronted with such a situation, and it were possible, I'd simply say "I have to go do something; give me a call when you want me to pick you up" and then smile and excuse myself. Hope it works out
Lyssa Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I hardly ever bring my SO with me whenever I visit my GFs unless their Hs/BFs are there as well. That said, perhaps in the future you can tell her that you'd rather hangout with your buddies instead of going with her?
Recommended Posts