shayna Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Yesturday was the two-year anniversary of our breakup after being together for 8.5 years. I had been dealing with things much better lately as he and I entered into no contact since February-ish. I had written him an email saying that we should try to avoid seeing each other as much as possible and we were able to do that because 1) I was busy with school with little time to spend with our shared friends and 2) I was away from the city for work this past month. He has been seeing a woman about 10 years younger than me for about 6 months now. Its only now that I'm starting to see her in photos of various events that our mutual friends hold. Now that it is summer and my workload has decreased, the horrible emptiness in my stomach has returned as I had feared it would. Went to a wedding this weekend in which both of us were invited and upon seeing him, the emptiness came back. We got along superficially- chatted casually to catch up and all. There were even some brief moments that occurred whereby I remembered how unkind and unemotional he was when we were together. Those moments are the only things getting me through this. I would never want to go back to the struggles I had with him (the wondering why he isn't affectionate like other men toward there girlfriends, the wondering why we aren't getting married like everyone else is) so why is this still affecting me sooooo much? Why am I sooooo afraid the next thing I hear about him will be that he's marrying this girl- something he was so against doing with me? I still constantly kick myself for allowing him to waste those 9 years out of my life. Much of the time I want to write him an angry note saying all those things I didn't/couldn't say over the past 2 years because I still had the hope of getting back together. But then I think its too late, may as well let sleeping dogs lie after all what would really be the point in telling him about his flaws and how he has damaged me seemingly so far beyond repair. I recently hooked up with a very lovely younger fellow (he's 25 and I am 34) while I was out of town. He's adorable, romantic, and kind, but lives 7 hours away. He makes me feel better while we chat or text back and forth but the hole in my stomach from this longing for my past life reappears as soon as we are out of touch again. What's wrong with me? Will I never fully recover from the pain that my ex caused?
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Since you didn't start NC until Feb., I'd say thats why you still feel this way. It wasn't until then that he was "out of your life" fully. You were living on false hope for well over a year. That definatly slows the healing process and is very counter productive to it.
Author shayna Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Yeah- no doubt there. However we had only low-contact from June 2008 on. But yup- I agree, NC, as hard as it is, is best even though its the last thing one wants to subscribe to when one is still in love. I'm worried though- does this mean that I still love him or is it just that I am still suffering the rejection?
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I think..you're just not use to being alone. That was the toughest part of my breakup. Co-dependancy,whatever.. I missed being able to go to dinner,movies,pub,hell everything with her. Don't get me wrong. I have my daughter, a huge group of friends, great family, all that jazz. I think it was just the intimacy part I was missing. Having someone to hug,kiss, share life with on that level. Now that I look back,after the smoke cleared, I didn't really enjoy that time with her. Her stories were insanley long and drawn out,terrible drinking problem(angry drunk at times), greedy with my time, alot of things. I do still,and I don't know why, miss her at times,miss her every day to be exact. It's only been 3months or so with contact scattered throughout and we were together 5 years lived together for 2+. So, i guess thats to be expected.
sedgwick Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 This month is two years for me, and I'm madly in love with him and haven't even been on a date since, much less had any kind of physical affection. You've got me beat at least!
Montclair0011 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Oh, it takes me FOREVER to get over someone. Two years is common, although some have been shorter. I had a 20 year relief from all that when I was with one person (married) for 20 years. But now the old habits seem to come right back. I'm doing OK getting over the husband (that was 2+ years), but the last boyfriend is like a dagger plunged into my gut 24X7. I've had NC for the past 5 months, except for a brief phone call at the one month mark (so 4 months real NC). I'm finally dating someone new, who adores me, but I can't seem to reciprocate and it's driving me crazy. It might be the guy, but I'm afraid it might be me. The new guy just sticks in my craw, and I don't know why. I can't stop missing my old boyfriend, even though on the surface the new one has far better qualities and chance for success. Still, when you are the pit bull type (never let go) I think it's better to start dating after awhile, even if you don't feel like it. Wait a bit and then start. It's about the only way I've ever recovered (that and NC). Hopefully the guy I'm with now will be patient with me and I'll come around. It's such a relief when you don't want them anymore, or you only feel a small, manageable reaction. But that can take a looooong time for some of us.
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