Cattery Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Hello! I'm a new member but have been a total lurker on LS and thank everyone so much for their perspectives over the past year. Has anyone here experienced a prolonged lack of sex drive after giving your SO a second chance after cheating? The abridged story is that my boyfriend cheated on me once with an ex when we were in a LDR; I found out about it months later after he had moved across the country to be with me. He had told a number of egregious lies about the circumstances surrounding the one-time slip, including that the woman in question had been his roommate, not his full-on girlfriend, and that the trip when he saw her had been to visit other people (fake male friends that he had made up). I felt that I had no clue who he was as a person, broke up with him and he moved back to one of the two cities he had been living/working in. Flash forward two years; after a lot of talking, healing and visiting, we're back together, living in the same house (we'd never lived together before) and have had zero sex life since reuniting. I've fully committed to the relationship again, but have absolutely no desire to be intimate with him. I feel slightly repulsed when he touches me. I forgive him for the betrayal and feel he's working to earn my trust back, but he presented such a fake version of himself the first time around on so many levels that I'm moving very, very slowly. Naturally, he's asking why there's no spark anymore. He's ragingly attracted to me. He insists that he has changed and adores me alone. I used to be very physically demonstrative, adventurous and active with him. Has anyone been in this situation, taking someone back but finding the physical aspects of the reunion very difficult? Did the desire ever return? What seemed to help? I'm 28, healthy, very fit. He is 34.
You'reasian Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Naturally, he's asking why there's no spark anymore. He's ragingly attracted to me. He insists that he has changed and adores me alone. I used to be very physically demonstrative, adventurous and active with him. Has anyone been in this situation, taking someone back but finding the physical aspects of the reunion very difficult? Did the desire ever return? What seemed to help? I'm 28, healthy, very fit. He is 34. Take your dude home tonight and when he sits down, jump on him and start taking your clothes off. He'll get the drift. If he doesn't, he needs help.
Author Cattery Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 That would please him to no end. I'm the one who can't bring myself to touch him -- I don't want to take my clothes off or jump on him.
lovelorcet Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Flash forward two years; after a lot of talking, healing and visiting, we're back together, living in the same house (we'd never lived together before) and have had zero sex life since reuniting. I've fully committed to the relationship again, but have absolutely no desire to be intimate with him. I feel slightly repulsed when he touches me. I forgive him for the betrayal and feel he's working to earn my trust back, but he presented such a fake version of himself the first time around on so many levels that I'm moving very, very slowly. Has anyone been in this situation, taking someone back but finding the physical aspects of the reunion very difficult? Did the desire ever return? What seemed to help? I'm 28, healthy, very fit. He is 34. This relationship is emotionally dead for you. Leave him and move on...
Thornton Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 For me the desire does not return after someone has cheated on me, I just feel repulsed by them. In my case, desire depends greatly upon emotional feelings, and if the person has betrayed me I no longer feel emotionally secure and don't want to be intimate with them. My advice is to ditch this cheating loser and move on - once a cheater, always a cheater.
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