Soul Bear Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Just as i thought i was starting to recover doing NC, she sends me this email.. Bear in mind I have not replied to her last one and have been total NC since. What is she looking for? validation? I still have not, and will not reply...just want to know what she is playing at...it's pretty condescending... i havent even rebounded yet! just been working on myself...grrrr I'm sorry, I could've been a bit softer in that last email.. Truth is, I hadn't forgiven you at all, in fact the more I reflected on our relationship the more I saw instances of the hurt you caused me. That's changed now, I truly do forgive you. You merely acted out the part you had to play so that I could be the person I am today, and for that I do thank you. I know there was something very beautiful and pure about our relationship, but its purpose was to act as a training ground for us each to learn how to give good love so that we'd be prepared for when we meet our True Loves. I certainly learned my lessons along the way, and I've no doubt that you will too. You truly are a wonderful and remarkable person, and I wish you the very best in life. Some insight would be great please Soul
hew Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I guess shes just making peace between you guys.. i guess it could suck if you still love her
himalayanfitguy Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 she still has feelings ... don't let her trick you into believing she actually wants you though, she may just be looking to boost her own ego by confirming you still want her assuming you respond to her.
GorillaTheater Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 It seems to me that she sent that in an effort to make herself feel better, not you. She very much wants to avoid being the bad guy but at the same time justify her actions. Hence, she "forgives" you. Don't respond. As a matter of fact, if you stick with NC, you may find her continuing to contact you in an effort to get your acknowledgement that she's not the bad guy. You may find you'll get some satisfaction in not giving her what she wants by sticking to NC. But, given your history, for godssake DON'T be baited to respond. You're doing good.
carhill Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Do humans actually write this cr@p? It sounds like it's out of a book. ----she hasn't forgotten you; in fact she has been thinking more about how you hurt her--- Excellent.... Just another self-absorbed female. Be thankful you dodged that bullet
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Whatever you do... don't reply in any fashion whatsoever.. let it be.. No sense in pulling the drama back into your life...
GorillaTheater Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Just another self-absorbed female. I'm kind of surprised to see this, given your formidible sensitivity (and I mean that with respect). Forgive the threadjack, but perhaps you could start a thread regarding how your divorce is going. Not that I'm being nosy at all, I just wonder if there's anything you need to get off your chest.
carhill Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 No worries. My divorce is actually going quite well and my wife has been nothing if not professional and personable. We spoke on the phone at length last night letting each other know what our holiday plans were and to make sure our respective animals got proper care. For the right guy, she'd make a good mate. Just not for me. When I read postings, and I recall S_B's original postings about his fiance well, I develop instincts. That's where the vitrol comes from. It could've been a woman here talking about her BF and he would've gotten the pointed pen. I think that this thread is titled well
andy2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 he left country and he wont reply. Soul bear! just watch the drama and enjoy your new life there.
carhill Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 He left the country an hour after posting and requesting replies? OK, safe travels!
andy2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 No No He originally belongs to Scotland but he moved to London after breakup.
andy2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 sorry for confusion: my modified post: he left country and he wont reply her email. Soul bear! just watch the drama and enjoy your new life there.
carhill Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Only a Scot could draw such a distinction OK, I understand...
Author Soul Bear Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Wow....I never expected this many replies in such a short space of time. Well, the good news is this- I still have not, and will not reply I have been in NC since that email telling me that she is 'in love' with someone else..... Hew- yup, still love her, and it does suck!! Himalayan- Her ego is obviously big enough already, she will get no such satisfaction from me in the form of a reply!! It would be nice to think she still cared...but who knows, i doubt it somehow. Gorilla- I wont reply, as much as it kills me, and I would still jusmp at the chance to be together, I wont do it...I cant do it...I have put to much into NC already....Thanks bro Carhill- Excellent!! I was a little worried that people would judge what she wrote as a slight against me and agree with her...Nice to know that people can see through it ArtCritic- No way Im responding...no way....that email is as Carhill said- self absorbed. I find it condescending and it doesnt make me want to get in touch at all. Especially since she has been with that other douche. Andy- Watch the drama? You think there will be more?! Oh dear god.... Carhill-Only a Scot indeed!!! I'll be honest, I received this email whilst i was having a quiet drink to myself in a bar, (yup, i get email on my phone)...i burst into tears like a baby and ran out the pub!!!lol Very much sleepless nights since i received it, which sucks Anyway, I dont know if she will get in touch again, but my god is that email not only confusing, but it hurts to get it too. I have been doing really well in the daytime, but night has got pretty tough with all these crazy dreams again.... reading her email again, it makes me so mad, man is it self absorbed and SO condescending!! I havent even rebounded yet, been working on ME...sheesh UGH!!!
fabulous_chk Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 You expected this email though Soul Bear. Your mutual friend told you she was being deliberately harsh so that you can move on. But now her conscience is bothering her, like you predicted it would. I find that it's easier to do NC when they're harsh. Do not let this "you're an amazing person" letter fool you my love. Let her feel guilty for being a b!tch.
Author Soul Bear Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 I was expecting something eventually, but not something like this-self centred and arrogant..... Its all about her...her her her her.... As Carhill says, its like its out of a book. There is no love or care in the tone of her email. IT SUCKS!!
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 What a selfish bitch! Everyone nailed it though.. Good to hear you won't be responding. Let her ass set there and wait,wait,wait,wait and wait!
Author Soul Bear Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 LMAO!!! I cant believe everyone else sees her as being selfish...that's so good. Glad im not the only one who thought that. Im SO unimpressed with her... what on earth is she on?! lol
northstar1 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 LMAO!!! I cant believe everyone else sees her as being selfish...that's so good. Glad im not the only one who thought that. Im SO unimpressed with her... what on earth is she on?! lol Good man. My ex turned completely selfish and self absorbed, so much so I am shocked I didn't see it before. Throw in a bit of entitlement, and she has a very skewed perception of how life works. I can see it now very clearly and it helped me to get her outta my mind. Anyways, take that feeling you have and keep her off any pedestal. Realize her flaws and carry one with your own happiness. Unlimited Power my friend.
Author Soul Bear Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 oh brother Bear, she is definately not on any kind of pedistal..... she is on top of a rubbish heap, it's just a shame that it obscures my view of the land around.... I just can't get over how much of an ego trip she is on...I can't believe how blind she is....I mean, as far as I can see I never caused her any hurt, except for her birthday...my bad, i know this, but if anything, she must be forgeting the imense ammount of pain she caused ME these last 5 years...how she made me not trust her, how you she used to flirt her arse of with other guys...the list is endless...I guess if I stay NC, I may one day get a propper appology and have her begging to come back to me again....I guess that's what I'm looking for, her to beg me back, her to tell me just how stupid and selfish she has been, and then for me to be ablr to say NO! How can true love be used as a training ground? Pray, do tell??!!! She said it herself, 'what we had was special bla bla bla' ...if it was so effing special, why throw it away? Anyway, I don't know whatr will happen next, It's my birthday on the 27th of July, and i'm dreading hearing from her....really, truly I am.... I guess I should be happy knowing that she has at least been thinking about me a little more than she has been when we broke up, otherwise I wouldnt have received that email from her right? There is no way in this life I am going to give her validation and releive her guilt for the way she has broken up with me, I spen 2 and half months putting myself out there, my heart on the line- over, over over and over again to only be treated like muck...maybe one day she will see that. Thank you all for your replys, it is REALLY helpful to hear everyones insight into this. I knew this stage would come, eventually...I just didnyt know when, nor did I expect it to come this fast. NC continues.... Does anyone else see a pattern emerging here?
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I'm sure she releaved any hurt she caused you from her warped mind as soon as it happened. These "types" never do any wrong, me,me,me,me is all she's thinking about! When I first read that e-mail I counted, I think it was, 15-17 times where it was about her. The only things about you in there were negative things you did to...wait for it.....wait... HER!! It's almost a funny e-mail in that sense.
Author Soul Bear Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 I know, that's what pisses me off about it all. I guess the longer I go NC, the more 'positive' things she will have to remember about me. I think tho, she may feel relieved for a time, but after she doesnt get a reply, that will subside. If its the same as me, before I went NC i was all like 'one more thing I have to tell her, and then i will feel ok'....and I did for a few days, sometimes a week or so, but then it hits you again and you need tosay more.. I guess this is the tables starting to turn, or at least that's how I would like to see it
Narf Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 im starting to see me a little in your g/f and i think that is scary... I know everyone is saying she is being selfish and she is but i bet she doesnt see it that way... When i finally left my ex of 8 years ... i had been thru years of pain, he didnt respect me at all, he cheated and he treated me as if he could be an arse and i would always be there.. and yes he was right! i endured cause i loved him and i thought he would mature and change... At the end of the relationship i got bitter towards him.. so angry for all the pain and hurt he had caused that i hated him... I do see now it was all my fault i let it happen and i am to blame not him...I was never rude to him and i did listen and said sorry for what i was putting him thru but by that stage i couldnt give him sympathy, i was to angry and hurt and felt he had been so selfish for the whole relationship he never listened and always dismissed what i said as not important.. I would not answer the email.. It is self serving cause she was cruel and feels guilty, but in all honesty you know her and her harsh behaviour was new to you... By not replying i think she will try again but if she was as hurt as i was then it will only be to satisfy herself and her feelings... Good luck to you soul bear! i know it has been an extremely painful experience and will continue to be hard as long as she is around! Keep on bettering yourself for someone else! You seem a very positive person! dont lose that! She is the weak one! And hopefully both have learnt from the experience
andy2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Andy- Watch the drama? You think there will be more?! Oh dear god.... SB, drama here means turn into another chapter I feel that. Now there is only one character in this drama i.e. she. You should be just audience. The chapter of guilt and loss. Anyway, can you share your experience in London in terms of healing etc. I have one offer from Japan and I am getting bore here and this is not my home country.
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 This is a terrible email. Do NOT respond to it. Responding to it will not make you feel better. It will ultimately make you feel worse. She obviously feels some pangs of emotion for you. That doesn't translate to feelings that she wants to go back to you. Quite the contrary, this email is a backhanded compliment if I ever saw one. What she's basically asking you to do is: "I'm definitely saying goodbye to you, but I have to admit that it's a little harder than I thought it would be. So, please write me back, soothe my ego and my emotions, and make it a little easier for me to say goodbye. Will ya? Ta."
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