Shindig Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 My best friend's boyfriend has a really bad habit of interrupting. I love the guy. He's a lot of fun when we're out. He has a lot to say which he can get away with because he's interesting. My beef is that he'll ask me for information or to tell a story and then cut me off in the middle often more than once. It hurts because he seems disingenuous in his interest on my life. I brought up his habit of interrupting once and he was so hurt that he didn't speak to me for a couple of weeks. Since then I just drop whatever I was saying. (I need to learn how to just keep raising my volume like my boss does when people try to interrupt him... ) More than anything this post is about venting. I can't change the guy. I can't pick who my friends date (and I wouldn't pick someone else for her, they're really great for one another). I just have to work on my patience.
mental_traveller Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Quick question - do you ever interrupt people? Also, you describe interruption as a bad habit. But conversation benefits from two-way flow, if you make a point and there's a valid important response, an immediate interruption is sensible, rather than letting it go and forgetting the point. A conversation where one person delivers a 10 minute lecture whilst the other stays silent, and then the other person starts on their own 10 minute monologue, addressing 20 or 30 talking points, would be hopelessly impractical and unnatural. Interruption to a reasonable degree is a useful and necessary part of normal human conversation.
TaraMaiden Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 No, I recognise this, because it was part of my exes personality: Somebody who constantly interjects and interrupts is disrepsectful, because what they're saying is: "I'm listening to you, but what I have to say is more important, so I'm going to speak now". He refused to believe me when I pulled him up on it. I tried to point it out to him when he did it, and even discussed it with other close friends, to try to get him to see what was happening. he thought I was being unrealistic and unreasonable, and it caused a couple of arguments. Then, he applied for a managerial position within a firm he already worked for, but failed the final interview. The written report highlighted that the main problem his interviewers detected was a distinct lack in his listening skills because he constantly interrupted them. That was the moment he finally realised he had a problem. mental_traveller has a point - occasionally it is necessary - vital even - to interrupt or interject - but in social situations if it's constantly happening - then it's an issue. What I ended up doing was to let him interrupt, but then I would say- "Ok, now if I can just finish what I was saying, before you interrupted...." To begin with, I was doing it all the time. After a while, it improved.....
Author Shindig Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 I'm certainly not innocent of the crime of interrupting but I'm usually aware when I do it. I'll say my piece and then apologize and say something like "what was it you were saying before I interrupted?" I've started saying things like "were you still interested in what I was saying before you interrupted?" or "do you remember what I was saying before you interrupted me?" after his lengthy interjections. I like yours TaraMaiden. Thanks.
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