Eclypse Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I am starting to think that I might be mentally retarded. I just can't seem to express myself around women how I want. There's a girl at university that I really like (she's also become a close friend). I have so far gone on 2 dates with her, and I feel I have wasted every single opportunity that was thrown at me. The first time we went out we went to watch a band play at a club and the conversation was brilliant, we had a great time, but at the end I just had a mind blank when we were about to leave each other and all the plans I had of kissing her or making my feelings known just evaporated and I was left stupidly staring at her train as it went off. We met up yesterday to have lunch and see a movie. Once again we had a good time. We shared the same ice-cream after lunch and generally just enjoyed each others company. Throughout the movie I kept wanting to just put my arm around her, but something inside me didn't let me. It was a nagging voice in my head telling me that she might reject me and just walk out of the theatre and that for some reason terrified me. After the movie we explored the city a little bit, looking inside old bookshops. Once again there were some ample moments to kiss, especially when it was just us in a darkened corner studying the book she had. Once again I just froze up and didn't do it. The day ended with a warm hug as we went our separate ways and once again I was left kicking my ass at how stupid I was. We both do the same course (it's a difficult one to get into) and are both highly intelligent, but it seems all my usual dry humour and wit just vanished when I was with her. I sort of felt like a fish blubbering after being taken out of water. The stuff I ended up saying was so hackneyed it might even make the scriptwriters of the 1966 Batman show blush. All the way home I was wondering, trying to brainstorm why I just couldn't bring myself to make a move on her. Sorry for the long rant, but this has all been rather depressing. I think I severely lack in confidence and I just have no idea on how to improve on that. I have never been in a relationship before, but I feel unless I improve on this, I may never end up being in one. Has anyone else been like this? Where they just freeze up in situations like this and are left to ponder what wrong. I am sure if I was to relive the date I would have kissed her, but one can't change the past. According to my parents and everyone I've talked to, they think she was into me, and I was just too much of a dumbass to capitalise on that, and I'm worrying I've lost all my chances with her now. From what I've heard it's easier to escape from Alcatraz than the friend-zone.
b3nx Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Dude honesly I know how you feel but you need to grow some balls and just do things.. Live no regrets then she will see the real you and also if you take charge be a man and she will fall head over heels, I know it might sound harsh but I learnt the hard way and I got hurt so many times, I take charge in my relationship and my girlfriend says she loves having someone who can protect her, myself and speak my mind. Don't think so much just go with the flow brother
Surfer Dude Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Yep, grow your balls. Always escalate to the point of "rejection", and that way you'll either succeed or get blown out. Either way, your precious time won't be wasted on a girl who doesn't like you.
Author Eclypse Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Ouch, that is indeed harsh, but pretty much the truth I guess when you look at it. So time to show them how I care without really caring for the consequences I guess. I think next time I see her I might just try get into another one of those kiss type situations, except this time actually go through with it.
Lyssa Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Eclypse, you have to step up! It seems that she enjoys your company as much as you enjoy hers. I wouldn't share an ice cream with a guy if I weren't interested in him .
Author Eclypse Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Thanks Lyssa, one can only live in hope:) She's going away for 2 weeks on a family holiday. I have 2 weeks to brainstorm what to do next
sugarmomma Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Make sure you stay in touch a little bit while she is gone. You don't want her to forget about you. I think she really likes you but she may be a little shy too. Just be yourself and know that she likes you and is also wanting to at least kiss you. You sound like a great guy and she is definitely feeling you. You are NOT retarded and there is nothing wrong with you. You are just being human!! Good Luck!!!
IcemanJB Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Ok, that nagging voice is definitely a lack of confidence. That being said, if a guy says he's perfectly comfortable going in for the first kiss, he's a liar. You just gotta go for it man! It takes some courage, but it's worth it! It's my favorite part by far. How will you EVER build up your confidence if you don't take a risk every once in awhile? When another one of those moments comes by, go for it...DO NOT hesitate. Just do it. Don't try to be sly about it - at absolute least you'll be happy that you at least tried. By the sounds of it, she will not reject you. I have yet to be rejected for a first kiss, simply by listening to my gut. I know when to go for it.
Author Eclypse Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Thanks for the advices guys. I shall just bite the bullet next time I see her. Our chances for date like situations will be somewhat limited though, as university will begin soon. I feel like I need to make my feelings known to her as soon as possible, or risk getting friend zoned forever. She is actually rather shy indeed. I'm just trying to work out how best to come onto her. Not really sure what to do. It's been frustrating thinking about her. I get really worked up and bothered as I remember how I had my chances and didn't use them, and it may have ended up costing me.
b3nx Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Dude just make it simple, ask her out for coffee or a movie, if she is shy you need to man up and take control. You have not blown your chances, just ask her if se says no, then move on, but until you know give it you all. Just trust me dude ask her for coffee, lunch none of this park crap go somewhere where you can pay for lunch or coffee to show her that you care enough to take her somewhere nice and make her feel special.
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