Author Hannah86 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 I do want him back. We ended things amicably (i actually ended them) but it doesn't mean I have regrets and want to get back together with him down the road. He sent me a note on facebook commenting on pictures I took on a trip last week. He broke week-and-a-half long NC with that note. We say that we want to be friends and "never know what will happen down the road" so that's why it would be silly to unfriend him. It would show that I care too much, so I have to keep him as a friend. I also like that he sees what I am up to. I update my status every couple of days and my friends tag pictures of me CONSTANTLY so I know I am popping up over and over and over again for him. He doesn't get tagged often and doesn't update his status so it's a little easier for me to not have to check his page. I broke down this morning and looked at it--made it 34 hours. I'm pretty proud of myself. When I looked at his page, there was a picture tagged of him with friends (girls and boys) and it made me feel queasy/butterflies. I like that I filled my curiosity, but in the end I wish I hadn't seen that picture of him having fun and wonder where that night ended up. New pledge: go 48 hours. I can do it!!
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I really think this is nuts. How can you STAND to go to his FB profile? There are all kinds of poison pills that can hit you when you look at it. Pictures are just one example, along with status updates. But think about the others: new friend adds, relationship status changes, comments on other people's pictures, other people's comments on the ex's pictures, the list goes on. It's like playing with fire. Just stay away!
kizik Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I like Facebook, but I don't let people know I'm "single," "in a relationship" or any of that bullsh*t. What a weird thing, to broadcast such personal info to anyone with two eyes. And what's with people breaking up and changing their status? To me, this is the epitome of tackiness. Yeah, I just spend eight years with her, but "Josh is now single." Creepy!
northstar1 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I do want him back. We ended things amicably (i actually ended them) but it doesn't mean I have regrets and want to get back together with him down the road. He sent me a note on facebook commenting on pictures I took on a trip last week. He broke week-and-a-half long NC with that note. We say that we want to be friends and "never know what will happen down the road" so that's why it would be silly to unfriend him. It would show that I care too much, so I have to keep him as a friend. I also like that he sees what I am up to. I update my status every couple of days and my friends tag pictures of me CONSTANTLY so I know I am popping up over and over and over again for him. He doesn't get tagged often and doesn't update his status so it's a little easier for me to not have to check his page. I broke down this morning and looked at it--made it 34 hours. I'm pretty proud of myself. When I looked at his page, there was a picture tagged of him with friends (girls and boys) and it made me feel queasy/butterflies. I like that I filled my curiosity, but in the end I wish I hadn't seen that picture of him having fun and wonder where that night ended up. New pledge: go 48 hours. I can do it!! Okay, but what will happen when you log in and see a picture of him with a new girlfriend? At this point, who cares if he thinks you "care too much"? You are ex's. You don't have to do anything. Trust me, amicable or not, one day you will see something you really wished you hadn't and you'll feel awful. Clearly you still care enough to be checking on him every day.
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Okay, but what will happen when you log in and see a picture of him with a new girlfriend? At this point, who cares if he thinks you "care too much"? You are ex's. You don't have to do anything. Trust me, amicable or not, one day you will see something you really wished you hadn't and you'll feel awful. Clearly you still care enough to be checking on him every day. I will say this, though: I made a major break-through in just letting my "ex" go specifically on seeing a picture posted of her with her new boyfriend. That was the turning point for me, and while it hit me hard at that moment, by the end of the day I was feeling better about things than I had in weeks. Seeing something like that forces you to accept reality. Having said that, ever since seeing that picture, I've steadfastly refused to go to her profile ever again.
northstar1 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I will say this, though: I made a major break-through in just letting my "ex" go specifically on seeing a picture posted of her with her new boyfriend. That was the turning point for me, and while it hit me hard at that moment, by the end of the day I was feeling better about things than I had in weeks. Seeing something like that forces you to accept reality. Having said that, ever since seeing that picture, I've steadfastly refused to go to her profile ever again. Well, if that was the turning point for you and it helped you to realize things are done and you are moving on, then I agree that it was an important step for you. The problem is that many will see pictures of their ex's and become obsessed over them and will continue to 'stalk' them, thus delaying their own healing.
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Well, if that was the turning point for you and it helped you to realize things are done and you are moving on, then I agree that it was an important step for you. The problem is that many will see pictures of their ex's and become obsessed over them and will continue to 'stalk' them, thus delaying their own healing. I think we're on the same page. There are some people who get into stalker mode with their ex's and this can be a major problem. If someone's having a problem with this, they need to make that judgement call and cut the FB cord completely. I might be in that category too but we'll see.
Author Hannah86 Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 If we are going to be unfriended, I want him to unfriend me. I want him to be the one that gets tired of seeing my status updates. I want him to be so upset about me moving on that he has to unfriend me. I don't want to be the one who says "lets be friends" and him agree and then unfriend him. It is an ego thing. Of course it will suck seeing him with a new girl, if that happens. I know it sucks for him when he sees I already have about a dozen pictures of me at events with other guys as their date for the night. I want him to see that and miss me. And when I run into him, I want to be cordial and friendly and be that girl he fell in love with. We broke up amicably, no one cheated on the other. Yes, I still have feelings for him and I stalk his profile but I haven't checked it for...5 hours. It is a personal challenge. Those of you that have messy breakups or have dealt with cheaters should absolutely delete their ex.
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 If we are going to be unfriended, I want him to unfriend me. I want him to be the one that gets tired of seeing my status updates. I want him to be so upset about me moving on that he has to unfriend me. I don't want to be the one who says "lets be friends" and him agree and then unfriend him. It is an ego thing. Of course it will suck seeing him with a new girl, if that happens. I know it sucks for him when he sees I already have about a dozen pictures of me at events with other guys as their date for the night. I want him to see that and miss me. And when I run into him, I want to be cordial and friendly and be that girl he fell in love with. We broke up amicably, no one cheated on the other. Yes, I still have feelings for him and I stalk his profile but I haven't checked it for...5 hours. It is a personal challenge. Those of you that have messy breakups or have dealt with cheaters should absolutely delete their ex. I had a very amicable breakup. Do you want to get over him or not? I understand the ego thing, believe me. But if he just doesn't give a damn, you can't really force the balance of power to shift in your favor. The fact is that you DO care a lot more than he does.
northstar1 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 If we are going to be unfriended, I want him to unfriend me. I want him to be the one that gets tired of seeing my status updates. I want him to be so upset about me moving on that he has to unfriend me. I don't want to be the one who says "lets be friends" and him agree and then unfriend him. It is an ego thing. Of course it will suck seeing him with a new girl, if that happens. I know it sucks for him when he sees I already have about a dozen pictures of me at events with other guys as their date for the night. I want him to see that and miss me. And when I run into him, I want to be cordial and friendly and be that girl he fell in love with. We broke up amicably, no one cheated on the other. Yes, I still have feelings for him and I stalk his profile but I haven't checked it for...5 hours. It is a personal challenge. Those of you that have messy breakups or have dealt with cheaters should absolutely delete their ex. Why play games? You aren't going to win anything other than prolonged healing. It has nothing to do with how you broke up at all. It is about regaining your happiness and moving on with your life. If you are stalking him and wanting him to miss you, then you are keeping yourself stuck in the past. Think about how you will feel if you are still doing the same thing in a month, or 6 months and he has a new girlfriend and his happy, and you are still stuck playing the ego game? It no longer matters what he thinks. DO yourself a favour and delete him and move on with your life.
adamt Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 more than likely the dumper wont be concerned that you are still a friend on facebook or not. it wont mean much to them either way as they are not emotionally attached to you anymore. you are still emotionally attached to the dumper so you need to remove them as a friend for your own good. Its got nothing to do with playing games but all to do with minimising more pain. How you gonna cope when the dumper has a new partner? You cant have broke up 'amicably' if you are still wanting to play games on facebook
brokenglass Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I don't want to unfriend him or block him because we are going to do our best to "remain friends" but right now I need to do NC and get over him. Good luck with that Hannah. I just got finished complaining in my own thread about how I dealt with it for 7 months and finally had enough about 10 minutes ago. I hope you have more success than I did.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I promise you, the first thing you need to do on the road to healing is remove that person from your facebook friends list. It will drive you insane. I recently asked a girl out from work on facebook and she politley declined. So I retaliated by ripping her and every other other female off of my faceook
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