Hannah86 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 It's 4am and I just checked it one last time. We broke up one month ago. I'm going to go 24 hours without looking at it. WISH ME LUCK! I hope I can do it...
Lyssa Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 It's 4am and I just checked it one last time. We broke up one month ago. I'm going to go 24 hours without looking at it. WISH ME LUCK! I hope I can do it... Yeah you can do it. How about you remove him from your news feed like Asuman did on this girl he had a crush on? I think that is a good idea, at least you don't get to read on his updates. When you feel the need to check on his Facebook, how about you check out friends of yours that you haven't talked to in a while?
t0ri Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 You can do it! You're better off not looking. I've learned that the hard way. I usually only last about 2 or 3 days of not looking, but I'm past that now. It's super hard to fight the urge, but now I know there's no point in it unless I want more heartache. Good luck to us both
aboynamedmike Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I'll tell you what I did. I stopped looking at her facebook for a few days and then when I did I felt heartache all over again. So i just blocked her. I spend more time commenting and messaging friends that I've become distant with during the time I dated her and it feels great to reconnect with them!
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Awesome! When I'm tracking/passing/counting down time like that, I find a visual record of progress helps. Like, you could draw 24 little circles or boxes on a piece of paper and colour one in for every hour that's passed successfully without your looking at his Facebook. My preference is to draw one big square/rectangle and divide it up - like 6x4 - and then shade in a box for every hour. Then when the whole thing is filled in, you've reached your goal. Simple but it helps me. (I've been in work meetings where I was filling in a piece of a pie chart for literally every minute that passed.)
Lyssa Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Simple but it helps me. (I've been in work meetings where I was filling in a piece of a pie chart for literally every minute that passed.) You did not concentrate in your meetings, did you?!
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 You did not concentrate in your meetings, did you?! I did, but there comes a time when I've heard a certain amount of bull**** and incompetence that doesn't seem to yield to persuasion or rational argument, and at that point, it's either colour in little squares to mark the passage of time, or become physically violent. I choose the former as it's legal.
Lyssa Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I did, but there comes a time when I've heard a certain amount of bull**** and incompetence that doesn't seem to yield to persuasion or rational argument, and at that point, it's either colour in little squares to mark the passage of time, or become physically violent. I choose the former as it's legal. I'm glad you chose the former.
Author Hannah86 Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 It's been 12 hours and I haven't checked it. I used to check it when I woke up, at lunch, at breaks, etc...12 hours is sooo good for me! That is great advice you all have given. I was thinking I'd let myself check it in a couple days, but it sounds like it's best to just swear off checking it. I don't want to unfriend him or block him because we are going to do our best to "remain friends" but right now I need to do NC and get over him. I also want him to keep checking mine...I've been doing a lot of awesome stuff lately without him! About coloring in the boxes--I definitely did that EXACT same thing when I was dieting, like every half hour that went by, I'd be allowed a certain number of calories. It worked well. I am going to try to do that with him and see if I can go a week without checking it. Thanks for the advice!
sedgwick Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 If having access to his profile is impeding your own healing, I hope you'll do what it takes to heal rather than worrying about maintaining some sort of friendship. I haven't looked at any of my ex's websites since the day he left. It would hurt way too much. I'm curious about what he's doing but I'm more concerned with preserving my sanity!!
WTRanger Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I don't want to unfriend him or block him because we are going to do our best to "remain friends" but right now I need to do NC and get over him. You can always unblock him or re-friend him when you are finally over him. This is all about you, and you getting over him. You do what you need to do to stop yourself from looking at his page and always setting yourself back to zero. If you feel bad, you could even explain to him why you need to do this. If he doesn't get it, that's his problem and not yours. Again, this is about your progress. Right now, the temptation might just be too great. Why burden yourself with even more stress? Let the wonderful tool of internet blocks do some of the work for you.
The Blue Pill Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I promise you, the first thing you need to do on the road to healing is remove that person from your facebook friends list. It will drive you insane.
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 When I'm tracking/passing/counting down time like that, I find a visual record of progress helps. Like, you could draw 24 little circles or boxes on a piece of paper and colour one in for every hour that's passed successfully without your looking at his Facebook. My preference is to draw one big square/rectangle and divide it up - like 6x4 - and then shade in a box for every hour. Then when the whole thing is filled in, you've reached your goal. Simple but it helps me. (I've been in work meetings where I was filling in a piece of a pie chart for literally every minute that passed.) ....
boogieboy Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 If having access to his profile is impeding your own healing, I hope you'll do what it takes to heal rather than worrying about maintaining some sort of friendship. I haven't looked at any of my ex's websites since the day he left. It would hurt way too much. I'm curious about what he's doing but I'm more concerned with preserving my sanity!! Yeah seriously, you dont really want to be friends, you want him BACK. So you cANNOT be froends, and you probably wont wanna be friends once you get over him. So just delete him, and dont worry about what he does. Go get someone new!
aboynamedmike Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Yeah seriously, you dont really want to be friends, you want him BACK. So you cANNOT be froends, and you probably wont wanna be friends once you get over him. So just delete him, and dont worry about what he does. Go get someone new! Couldn't agree more my friend.
jqb05443 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 my bf broke up with me over 2 months ago. The day he dumped me I deleted him off of facebook and I have never looked at his page since. but...i have been a failure at NC..if only i can tackle NC like I have not looking at his page once since the break up
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 This is insane. I can't imagine how you can continue looking at your ex's FB page. You need to do what is best for your sanity. Forget about what the ex thinks. I did, as mentioned in this thread, delete my "ex" (not an exgf, just an ex-"girl I used to date") from my FB newsfeed. I have enough self-control to completely stay away from her actual page. Like you, for the time being I've decided not to delete her from my friends list, because I assumed this wasn't a serious enough situation that I would have trouble being genuine friends with her down the road. BUT, the newsfeed deletion is turning out to be not very effective. If you look at status updates on your mobile, as I do, the status updates of people who are deleted from your newsfeed still show up on the mobile. That wouldn't bother me so much. But the bigger problem is this: pictures of the ex show up in the "Highlights" section of the FB homepage, regardless of whether they're deleted from your newsfeed. For me, this has meant accidentally glaring at the idiotic mugshot of her and her new boyfriend (he looks like a complete tool, fyi) smiling together. This was the first image I saw when I woke up this morning. Talk about a suckerpunch to the gut. I'm seriously reconsidering whether I need to delete her as a friend. FB has made life so complicated these days. Remember the good ol' days, when not calling someone or seeing them everyday meant they were completely out of your lives? Now I can be lying comfortably in my own bed minding my own business, and my ex and her new boyfriend are suddenly staring at my face like they're mocking me. FML!
adamt Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 my ex only posts an update on her status once a day. i've took it off the news feed but still look at her page. i think i will delete her this weekend. I know it will be hard and its finally accepting it is over. We havent spoke apart from 1 text each since we broke up 5-6 weeks ago. we arent friends and arnt a couple so i just dont see the point in keeping her on my facebook. when i was a teenager, all you had was their home address and landline number. so you got over people quicker. stuff like facebook makes it complicated with sharing mutual friends.
adamt Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Right i've gone and done it. took her off my facebook. didnt bother sending her a message why i was doing it. I feel like crap after cos now i know it is finally over. Last straw was seeing her status getting updating suggesting she is going to have lazer eye surgery. I've realised she is going through a life change after her mom got ill and passed away, she has lost weight,getting her eye sight done,changed her wardrobe. i realise it wasnt particularly me that caused the split but just her changing and not wanting me to come along for the ride. I know in the long run it will do me more good but didnt expect defriending her would have an impact after. Time to move on now.
northstar1 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Keeping your ex on facebook is like sitting in a car across from their house and trying to catch glimpses of what they are doing. As long as you are there, you are going to look. And you'll get glimpses - and it will be painful and you'll draw your own conclusions (right or wrong) and you'll continue to look. Why torment yourself. Delete them and live your life.
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Keeping your ex on facebook is like sitting in a car across from their house and trying to catch glimpses of what they are doing. As long as you are there, you are going to look. And you'll get glimpses - and it will be painful and you'll draw your own conclusions (right or wrong) and you'll continue to look. Why torment yourself. Delete them and live your life. I do agree with you. But... you have to exercise self-control at some point. Who said you should get in your car and park across the street from their house in the first place? My ex has a public profile. Deleting her wouldn't prevent me from checking on her if I actually wanted to.
northstar1 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I do agree with you. But... you have to exercise self-control at some point. Who said you should get in your car and park across the street from their house in the first place? My ex has a public profile. Deleting her wouldn't prevent me from checking on her if I actually wanted to. Yes, I agree, but the point was that keeping a window into an ex's life does you no good. Why would you want to know what they are up to? If she has a public profile and you can resist the temptation to check, great that's good. But too many don't want to 'offend' their ex's or keep some 'friendship' going. It's simply an excuse to keep some contact going. After a breakup, you are not friends, you are ex's and best to have no clue what they are up to.
asuman Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 After a breakup, you are not friends, you are ex's and best to have no clue what they are up to. True. I'm really thinking about deleting her.
Battlewax Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I removed the news feeds from my ex and I also set up my web developer tool bar for facebook. Since I am a web designer I use this, it's a little toolbar I use in firefox, one of the options allows me to resize the browser window. What I did was set it up to where the pic part is hidden. (the ones off to the right) We broke up a little over a month ago I have checked it twice. Once because I needed to get my stuff back, I sent and email and the second time was last week. I was feeling nostalgic and contacted her. I use facebook because I deleted her number out of my phone and I never took the time to write it down, although if she texts me I know it's her. Due to the area code. If it causes pain, then delete them. I think I figured out a way to work around the issue... for now.
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