navysquid Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Okay been reading the forums for a few days now just trying to find anything that may help me. So I decided to post instead. So here is some back ground. I just got back from a 1 month boat det with the Navy. I am home for about 2 weeks and my 4 yr old son out of the blue tells me that mommy has a special friend. I ask more details and I get the guys name from him. He said they also went to the park together. I confronted my wife who tells me oh yeah that is my friend and he happened to be up here training on base. He asked to stop by so I said okay and fed him dinner. She did not tell me about breakfast the next day which I found out by my daughter. All this went down while I was on the ship away from everything. I also noticed a new change to my wife with how her cell phone is always with her. I mean always, bathroom, shower, by her side of the bed. Anyways she tells me it was no big and they are just friends. It bugged me with how things went down. I went looking and found a pic of him on her computer. He is shirtless and the pic is from chest up, lying down on a bed. The next couple of pictures I find are of her all done up wearing her underwear and a tank top. On her hands and knees looking in to a camera. I asked her again and she says nothing is going on and the pic of him was a nice pic and that it originally came with a caption. The pics of her is because she has low self esteem and wanted to feel good about her self, she said they did not get sent out to anyone. So with all this going on and her carrying her cell phone all the time I check the cell phone records and on a avg given day there are 50 text messages between them per day and atleast one phone call. I tried to talk to her about it all but I am told he is my friend and you are trying to control who I talk to. So the text messages keep going on with no regards to how I feel about it. I am currently talking to a counsler about my issues and she told me that with this other man that I need to shelf it and hope to work on it another time since my wife does not right now, or maybe never. On another note, wife just started taking depression meds and is talking to a counsler as well. I am just not sure how to take everything in and process it all
Lyssa Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Coming from someone who has been cheated on - "she's/he's just a friend" - is a common response from partners. Another thing, why does she need her mobile phone with her at ALL times? Does not make sense. Also, I don't get pictures of my guy friends topless even when I was single!
Ronni_W Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 It all sounds a little suspect, does it not? And I think your counselor is not giving you good counsel. I would suggest that you dump this one and make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Tell your wife that you are going, and if she wants to give her side of the story she is welcome to join you. If she does not want to go, then go by yourself. You have the right to tell your wife that her friendship with this guy makes you extremely uncomfortable and, if she values her marriage, kids and your respect, then she will stop all communications with him. You can't force her to stop talking with him but you can let her know how it makes you feel, and that there will be consequences if she continues to act like a single girl rather than married woman and mother of young children. If she is feeling at a loose ends, perhaps she'll consider getting a job, volunteering, or learning a new hobby, skill or language. I understand that your son volunteered the information, but hopefully you are not pressing your kids to tell you things about their mom. That would be inappropriate to get youngsters involved. If you must, hire a PI. Most importantly, I think. Hire a new therapist.
adamt Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 50 text messages per day is not right, i dont even do that much in a relationship. hogging her phone all the time is a warning sign. is she worried you will intercept the phone before she answers it. have you managed to read some of the messages.Do you see changes in how she is with you. Eg are you having less or no sex. does she still take an interest in what you are doing? It makes it difficult for you when you are away a lot. But it does need sorting out. Not sure if it is a good idea but have you thought about contacting the other man and jsut have a friendly chat. Tell him how it is affecting you marriage and you have concerns. nothign threatening towards him though. however that is a risk that she might turn against you.
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