dreamticket Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I have a girlfriend of eight months and we are very close. We spend about 2 or 3 nights a week together. We are going away to Greece together for three and a half weeks in the summer and i have booked a flight to south africa to meet her family next christmas. She tells me she loves me pretty frequently and is physically warm - always cuddling and holding hands. We get on well when we are together and as a result i want to spend more time together and am keen to think about moving in sometime soon! However she says she is not yet ready to move in and still wants space and time to herself. She has not been in a serious relationship before. I find it all hard to take - i worry over silly little things and feel convinced she is going to go off me. Logically everything is fine but my head keeps getting preoccupied by little things eg: * detecting a change in her tone of voice * i worry about whether we are going to spend saturday night together * if she doesnt ring for a few hours * if i see her at work and she doesnt give me much recognition * i worry she'll never want to move in with me I fret and she says she doesnt want me to question everything or comment upon things eg "that kiss was really nice" - she percieves it as needy etc.. I have been told by friends that everything is fine and the only thing that is going to screw things up is me worrying and being needy and insecure. SO the big question - how do i stop worrying and fretting and give her the space she needs to be drawn towards me. There is no doubt she loves me but im scared that my neediness will be obvious and ill drive her away and ruin everything. Help
Phateless Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 This is all about your own self-worth and insecurity. You are placing all of your self validation on HER right now. You need to take a step back and do things that are good for you. Instead of letting her constantly be the one to draw the limit, you should be the one drawing the limit and pulling back and ending conversations and interactions sometimes. You need to maintain some kind of control over yourself, otherwise you are putting yourself 100% at her mercy.
BobSacamento Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 8 months....that's nothing. Moving in together is so freaking stupid anyway. You have a smart one here, hold on to her.
sunnylu Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 What I mean is.......back off! Women (men even) do not like clingy, whiney, insecure people. I can't believe you've even lasted 8 months with her if you seriously act like this. My best advice to you - -= Give her space - NEVER ask her silly questions like "was the kiss good" - get some hobbies of your own - or just sit on your thumbs and give her some air. If you want to keep this woman......be a man........ BTW - your trip sounds great.....don't mess this up! TRY to play it cool...okay?
Author dreamticket Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 many thanks sunnylu - you are right and deep down ive known it all along - just hard to carry out sometimes! im going to really try and play it cool (but not casual) starting from right NOW!
Phateless Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 What I mean is.......back off! Women (men even) do not like clingy, whiney, insecure people. I can't believe you've even lasted 8 months with her if you seriously act like this. My best advice to you - -= Give her space - NEVER ask her silly questions like "was the kiss good" - get some hobbies of your own - or just sit on your thumbs and give her some air. If you want to keep this woman......be a man........ BTW - your trip sounds great.....don't mess this up! TRY to play it cool...okay? My gf once told me to "stop being so insecure and doubting my feelings all the time, it pushes me away. If you don't cut it out you're going to lose me. I need you to be a MAN." I realized she was right.
Island Girl Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 My gf once told me to "stop being so insecure and doubting my feelings all the time, it pushes me away. If you don't cut it out you're going to lose me. I need you to be a MAN." So true. We want a MAN who we can depend on, who is independent and with us because he WANTS to be not because he NEEDS to be. A man that could walk if treated badly who doesn't sit around by the phone waiting for us, etc. He should have his OWN life and his OWN interests and we become a PART of that life not the whole entire thing. No one likes to be clung to - it sucks the life out of any relationship.
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