lomo Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Hi Folks, Would appreciate some advice here. I have never posted anything like this before so... Anyway, today me boyfriend of 5 years just told me he cheated on me about a year into our relationship. He went out one night, bumped into some girl he knew years ago, she asked him out for a drink, and he ended up back at her place. I had been aware at the time that he had got drunk and went out all night, and I asked him if anything had happened a couple of times over the years, but he only came clean today. Anyway, it's basically poisoned what I thought was a really pure innocent relationship at that time - we waited for a year before being intimate (he said today that had nothing to do with the cheating), and he was my first. I do believe that he hasn't done anything else - he's actually really upset about this and told me I should go off with someone else if I find a better guy. The drinking obviously didn't help the situation - he has a problem with alcohol and he hasn't drunk now for over a year. I have told him if he starts drinking again, it's over. Trouble is, it's not so easy for us to break up... we live together in a house I own, so he would have to go back to his mother's, which is pretty pathetic at age 31. We are both really anti-social people and really only have each other. We really would be lost if we were both alone, and yes I know this isn't healthy. We have a really excellent relationship, we get on so well and I do really love him. I believe he really does want the mature relationship we've been developing over the years, but I feel it's pushed us back a few steps. The trust issue was bruised with the drinking he used to do, now this has floored me. What am I supposed to think or do?
LakesideDream Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Why worry about it? Moreover, why let something that happened four years ago ruin what you have today. Lets be honest here. You two are not married. If you were totally comitted you would be married. Four years ago you were "dating" and not even intimate. Dating is a time of variety and choices. I'm not sure that being "unfaithful" while dating is actually cheating. If I was in your place, enjoying a loving relationship, bumps in the road a dim image in the rear view mirror I would be a very happy man.
whichwayisup Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Do couples counselling, it could help. If you love him and want things to work, if he is genuinally sorry, and wants to make it up to you, do everything he can to prove to you he is trustworthy, give things a chance. Some people can work through it and forgive, get to a better place together as a couple, some people can't. Glad he isn't drinking anymore.. One thing, take this opportunity to expand your social circle abit more. Having just one person isn't healthy for either of you..
Athena Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I agree with above poster -- take this opportunity to widen your social circle, because it's not healthy to rely on him 100% for all your needs. Plus, if you have given him the ultimatum of breaking up with him if he ever drinks again, then you need to also take steps to strengthen your position in case you do need to follow through with that. It would be harder to break up if you only had him in the world. Give him just this one chance -- make sure he understands the next time is a dealbreaker. Also -- do seek counseling. Especially since the two of you do not have trusted others for a sounding board. Just out of curiosity -- had the two of you already become intimate by the time he cheated?
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