aep Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 My husband of 17 years left me and my four kids in February. He didn't tell me he was leaving me. The counselor did! He said he was just unhappy in our marriage and tired of it. He swears there was no other woman. We went to a different counselor and he came home a month later. He did not apologize and does not want to talk about his feelings during that time. He did come home demanding a few things...sex 4 or more times a week, I take over the finances and bill paying, he must have my support whenenver he wants to go out with friends either for the night or for longer. We used to share a bank account and now he has his own (which I have no access to), I have my own (which he has access to) and we have a joint account. I feel very confused. How do I ever trust him again? How do you fall in love with someone again who has suddenly put so many demands on my responsibilities in our marriage? I am trying very hard to be in love with this man. He left me for a month and turned our family upside down. My youngest daughter has developed unrealistic fears that are related to the separation. I need this to work out for my childrens' sake. What should I do to bring back my feelings for him? How do I ever trust him again?
lupa Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 If this is the full story (and there has to be more to it), it seems pretty bad. Recommend a marriage counselor that you both pick. If he doesn't want to...well...you have to learn what the 180 is, and start living for yourself.
Author aep Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Unfortunately there is not too much more to tell. Know of any good books on this? We have been to counseling and the counselor says he is pretty much done with helping us and we are fine. A little confusing to me...I need to make this marriage work for my children. They were hurt by their dad but they love him and need a stable family life.
Trimmer Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Unfortunately there is not too much more to tell. Know of any good books on this? We have been to counseling and the counselor says he is pretty much done with helping us and we are fine. A little confusing to me...I need to make this marriage work for my children. They were hurt by their dad but they love him and need a stable family life. Were you communicating clearly with the counselor that you are not fine? Was this "his" counselor that he brought you in to see, or one that you approached together? What in the world is going on that you are confused and adrift and unsure of your marriage and the counselor thinks you're "fine?" Is you husband doing all the talking?
fooled once Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I need this to work out for my childrens' sake Why? And why in the world would you put up with his "demand"? Tell him to pound sand. What concessions is he making? what is he going to do for you? why are you allowing yourself to be so emotionally and mentally abused. I think YOU need some individual counseling so that you can understand that you don't have to put up with ANYONE's demands!!
Gunny376 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 My husband of 17 years left me and my four kids in February. He didn't tell me he was leaving me. The counselor did! :eek: That would have been a deal breaker for me! There wouldn't be any coming and going. In for a 'penny in for a pound!" But then again I'm a man ~ not a woman with four kids? Still? Most women I know here in Alabama, would have told him, "What do you mean your leaving? You might limp or crawl away but you won't be 'walking away!" He said he was just unhappy in our marriage and tired of it. Yea? Well tough titty said the little bitty kitty! Join the club! He did not apologize and does not want to talk about his feelings during that time. I'd be telling him to hit the door and for it not to let it him where 'the good Lord split on the way out! He did come home demanding a few things...sex 4 or more times a week, Are you his wife (said and spoken with respect) and the Mother of his four children ~ or his VLSS? (Vaginal Life Support System. I'd be letting him know loud and clear? "Hey there Slick! I'm not your sperm depository. This guy is really seriously clueless!. I take over the finances and bill paying, Not a problem! Divvy up those paychecks stubs! I want to see six months worth. I wouldn't even have a problem with their being your account, his account, and a household account. But first? We come up with a budget using Quicken to track every single penny for six months. And none of this 50/50 BS! Not with four children still living at home. Parenthood doesn't end at conception you know! More than likely he has the larger income. So that means he should be contributing more to the household income (which is what the children and their needs fall under). What he's really saying here is "I want you to pay the bills with your income and whatever I decided to contribute. he must have my support whenever he wants to go out with friends either for the night or for longer. As a man? If my wife came to me with this BS? She's find all her trash out by the curb and her keys not fitting any of the doors to the house! I've been down that merry yellow brick, gas-lighting road once? I won't travel down it again! My youngest daughter has developed unrealistic fears that are related to the separation. Its called separation anxiety ~ seek the help of a professional NOW or she will be plagued by with it for the rest of her life! Staying with losers, when everyone in her life can see she needs to dump them! What I would do were me? I'd get counseling for myself, my children, a divorce attorney, a map of South Carolina, a yellow high-lighter. I'd file for divorce shooting for the moon, child support, alimony, the house, and everything worth stealing! Get him out of the house, change the locks on the doors. Then I take yellow high lighter in hand, and trace him a route to Hunter's Island, South Carolina. (Longer route, two lane highways, ~ give him time to think! ) When he asks you what this was all about. I'd tell him to drive there, and when he got there to the beach? Go pound sand in his ass! (He's needs it for 'balance' because that's all he's got in his head!
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Oh and.... tell the bank to deny him access to your account. It's your account. so deny him access. (he can still make a deposit though.....) How simple is that? Come on woman - get a grip, follow gunny's advice and shove his @$$ out the door. Like - Now. :mad:
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