lora22 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Since breaking up with my bf I've been talking more and more with a guy "friend" (bunny ears because we are friendly, but attracted to each other, and didn't talk or hang out much except occasionally in groups because of my bf) of mine. We probably would have started dating when we met, except for the distance - he lives about 8 hrs away from me. Like my exbf, I met him through my sister and her fiance, and as I visit her about once a month, plus do business in her area, we saw each other enough to keep in touch. Anyways, in the next month I'm going to be traveling to that area a lot more, and in August will be relocating there (for work, not him ). I'm confident that if I want to start dating him at that time, it will happen. I reeaaaalllly like him, but I'm not sure that dating him is a great idea. I have a couple of friends outside of him and my sister and her fiance in the area, but for the most part don't know many people besides him and his friends (mutual friends with my sister and her guy). I'm definitely a friendly, social person, and tend to make friends and acquaintances easily, but I'm afraid that if I'm focusing on a job and dating someone who's friends I already am friendly with, I won't have the time, or will be less likely to go out on my own and meet friends outside of that group. Does anyone have any experience with this? What do you think?
MattyTee Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I don't have any experience with this I'm afraid. Call me old fashioned but if you like someone and you want to date them, why not just give it a go. You can make time for socialising and making friends (and when you are working you will be meeting new people anyway). Not having the time or being less likely are, after all, actually your own decisions. Change your thinking to "I'll have all the time I need to date a lovely guy and meet new people too!"
carhill Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I absolutely would not want to consider dating someone I was attracted to and got on well with. An additional negative would be living close by. So, your fear is, if this turns out to be a dud, you'll be socially isolated? Why not work, date him *and* make new friends? Plenty of time.
Author lora22 Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 You're probably both right and I'm over thinking this and stressing myself out for no reason; thanks for your responses. I'm worried for the exact reason you said Carhill, and it's more difficult (at least in my mind) to make the effort because I'm already established as part of his group of friends. I'm not one to ditch my friends when I get a guy, and I need my time away from him, I'm just afraid of relying on him too much when I'm in a new situation and location. But you're right, if I make the time and effort it should be OK. Maybe I'll get a new hobby to force myself to make time to make other friends
MattyTee Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Well you are already moving, so you'd be doing those things to make friends whether you were dating him or not. I'm sure any normal person would understand your need to be independent and make new friends in a new place.
Author lora22 Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Well you are already moving, so you'd be doing those things to make friends whether you were dating him or not. I'm sure any normal person would understand your need to be independent and make new friends in a new place. He's a great guy, and he definitely would be understanding and encouraging. But since he's so nice, I know that he's also going to be doing his best to include me in stuff with him and his friends to make sure I don't get lonely and stuff On top of that, his sister and his friends AND her friends already message me with invites to things on the chance I'm going to be in the area on a particular night or weekend or holiday. So it's just going to be soooo easy for me to be like "OK" and not make my own friends. I just need to force myself to not take the easy way I guess
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