beachwrangler Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Alright my girlfriend of a month broke if off last week. I'm 22 and she's 19. I know a month but me and this girl hit it off the first night we dated and moved way too fast. We started telling each other we loved each other, had sex, and talked about future plans all within the first two weeks. She told me i was the best thing that ever happened to her and that I was stuck with her. Well after a perfect three weeks came one night where she was being a little sketch on the phone. She kept making excuses why we couldn't meet up that night but we finally did and I told her I felt like I had to convince her to hang out with me and she took this as me doubting us and it really hurt her. This girl has been beaten, roofied (correct spelling ?) , raped, and cheated on by every guy she's been with so she has major trust issues. So we hung out after this and she was being really distant and I asked her why she was bein so distant and once again she took it the wrong way. After this she then broke it off saying she can't trust me and that she just can't do this right now and that she does love me. She does want to hang out again and if she sees she can trust me again she wants to def. get back together and that I will hear from her soon. During the break up I was very cool and collective agreeing with her and that if its what made her happy than that's what I wanted. I did tell her I did love her and cared for her before we got off the phone. So after this went straight into NC for 4 days and she then txted me to see how i was doing. Just replied with doin good and she said she was glad to hear things were goin good so i replied with a thanks . Her birthday was yesterday so I did send a simple txt saying happy birthday wishin you the best hun She quickly responded with a thank you . Now I'm stickin to NC just gonna keep busy with working out, tanning, concerts, guy time, job, buying new threads, and just enjoying life no need to sulk and worry if she is comin back even though everyone thinks she will come crawling back. I do miss this girl and do want things to work out because things were so perfect but I think before anything can come out of this she has to let go of her past. I would appreciate any thoughts on the situation but really just wanted to write down my thoughts because this forum has helped me bunches with past relationships.
CaliGuy Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Nothing to add other than "started fast, ended fast" is well known. What goes up like a rocket is sure to come down just as fast. And... Slow and steady wins the race.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Oh, how I love when things are so black and white. (No pun intended, coming up). She has Borderline Personality Disorder.
asuman Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Nothing to add other than "started fast, ended fast" is well known. What goes up like a rocket is sure to come down just as fast. And... Slow and steady wins the race. I dated a woman with a similarly rough background, except she was 29 and supposedly more mature. She hadn't dealt with all of her issues though, and I paid for that. It was a rough relationship and I was glad to get out of it. Sorry to say this but someone with that many issues should be a major red flag to you. Many people overcome them, but only through years of counseling and therapy. And you, by the way, are not qualified to be her therapist. If she dates you without getting professional help, you will end playing the role anyway. Which will end in disaster. Proceed with caution.
boogieboy Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Oh, how I love when things are so black and white. (No pun intended, coming up). She has Borderline Personality Disorder. Care to elaborate...in laymens terms? Also Beachwrangler, I wonder if within this month of heaven, is it possible that you might have been smothering her? Im not accusing, just asking. When things move fast like that, sometimes one person starts to want the other one too much. Upsets the delicate balance.
Author beachwrangler Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 no not at all. I'm not the clingy overprotective type used to be back in my highschool days. She would usually be the one driving to my place and initiating most of the contact. She did say that it upset her one day that when we didn't hang out that she never heard from me. I just am not the type that when she's out with her girls or at work im not gonna be calling and txting her to see what she's doin every second but I guess that's what she wanted out of me. Friends that I have talked to about the situation feel that she is just scared because of how fast things started that maybe she just needed a breather from it but who knows.
boogieboy Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 no not at all. I'm not the clingy overprotective type used to be back in my highschool days. She would usually be the one driving to my place and initiating most of the contact. She did say that it upset her one day that when we didn't hang out that she never heard from me. I just am not the type that when she's out with her girls or at work im not gonna be calling and txting her to see what she's doin every second but I guess that's what she wanted out of me. Friends that I have talked to about the situation feel that she is just scared because of how fast things started that maybe she just needed a breather from it but who knows. Nah, if Thomas is right and she has BPD, nothing will satisfy her for very long, there might have been nothing you couldve done.
Author beachwrangler Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 haha yeah as long as I've known her she's been a flake. I guess I just have my way of attracting the crazy ones.
asuman Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 haha yeah as long as I've known her she's been a flake. I guess I just have my way of attracting the crazy ones. Join the club.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Yes, yes, join the club indeed. I get the crazy ones too, my friends. The reason I can recognize Borderline PD so well, though, is because my first girlfriend suffered from it. I studied it in depth from far too close, for far too long. She ripped my soul out and swallowed it.
Author beachwrangler Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Well these last weeks after the break up I have got in the best shape, tan, new haircut, new threads, new job, been going out just about every night and meeting new people and have a very positive mindset. So I decided to break NC of 3 weeks because I was ready to handle it. We had a very good talk last night very light and casual and I asked if she wanted to get dinner with me sometime and she was all for it. She is gonna let me know exactly when bc she doesnt have a day off until sunday. Just very excited to show her the new me and I'll let you know how it all goes. Regardless of what happens on the date I'm lovin life.
SRTtoZ Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 its just like sex...if you start off super fast you're bound to come extremely fast...but if you start out slow and steady, you'll last a lot longer!
SRTtoZ Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 BTW Beach, good job...I'm a very good advocate of everything you're doing. If she DOESNT end up back with you, her loss...and if she does, good. Its a win win...you're helping out your confidence 10 fold incase she doesnt come back, you'll be that way for the next lucky girl.
Author beachwrangler Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 I'm just going to enjoy myself when we go out with no expectations. Me and her have always had fun together and that's what I plan on doing without worrying about what is gonna happen between us, just gonna let nature take it's course. If things happen they do if not life goes on.
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