2confusedd Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I am 27 and in my first long term relationship which has lasted over 3 years. I love my boyfriend and he is my best friend. We have been living together for almost 3 years. I have become less and less happy with him over the years. I still enjoy hanging out with him most of the time, but he also really stresses me out at times! He has ADHD and always has to be talking to someone or moving around. Sometimes I just want to chill out and have some peace and I feel like I don't get that much from him. He also has a bad temper and can be verbally abusive and occasionally throw things when he is extremely drunk. This always scares me to death. I have gotten so that I am in fear everytime he starts drinking, even though this violent behavior only happens a few times a year on average. I have trouble sleeping at night when I know he has been drinking because I am fearful of if he may try to drive somewhere or flip out for some reason. I have gotten tired of being so stressed out all them time and after a lot of thinking I tried to break up with him yesterday. He admits that he has done a lot wrong but wants another chance. He says he will stop drinking. I have told him that he needs to do this several times before, but it has never lasted more than a month. I am unsure if breaking up is the right thing to do or if I should give him another chance. This drunken behavior doesn't happen much, and I guess there is a chance he could improve it. I'm not sure if that being the main reason for the breakup is enough. I really can't imagine my life without him and know a breakup would be extremely difficult. Help!!
Thomas X Forever Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 First off, is he taking medication for ADHD? He needs to. If he refuses to, then simply break up with him. It's right, in that case. Secondly, if he IS taking meds, then give him a chance, but a final chance. Tell him everything that bothers you, and give him a chance to slowly change it all. If he fails, then you know what to do.
SweetyBear Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I personally would be more concerned about what's happening as a result of him drinking than what's happening as a result of his ADHD. You said he's quit before, but a month is all the longer it's lasted. Did he go to AA or anything along those lines? If not, he needs to do that. Even if he doesn't drink frequently, he knows how he acts when he does and yet still chooses it over peace in your household. To me, that's serious enough to call it a problem. It always scares me when someone gets drunk and gets physical in any way because I'd hate to see it escalate on you as these things sometimes have a tendancy to do.
Phateless Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Sooner or later, he'll hit you. Sounds like you're going to have a hard time being comfortable, trusting and open as you need to be in a good relationship. If you can't envision yourself getting back to that place with him, end it.
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