johnny12 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Right so my girlfriend is away for the whole summer been with her around 7 months and her family live aborad in this time she is spending a large chunk of her time with her family and then 4 weeks with her friends backpackin. I am cool with this and I trust her. She has been away 1 month now so just under 2 months to go. We have been speaking daily be it online through msn or via emails or facebook messaages some times all three on different days . However over the last few days I have become massivley insecure , and she has just mailed me telling me she is getting harrased by local men followed and touched up on nights out ... My problem is why tell me this stuff ? She is incredibly good looking and I sometimes feel I am punching above my weight and I hate these thoughts and Its making me crazy - i think its because i am not very busy at the moment , i find myself feeling crazy about the whole thing. Needed to vent my feelings some where annonimous and get other peoples thoughts....
Surfer Dude Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 She is testing you man, to see your response, whether you're insecure, jealous, whatever. Little girls like playing these headgames to see if their guy is still the same guy they fell in love with. Be unfazed. Tell her "A girl felt me up today, it was so strange. Why would she do such a thing? Then she talked about unicorns. What do you know about unicorns?"... Goof around, be playful, don't take her seriously, don't take yourself seriously. And always... keep seeing other chicks. Think of your LDR as of your occasional partner abroad. That way you'll never get desperate about any one girl, nor will you get desperately attached.
Lyssa Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 She is testing you man, to see your response, whether you're insecure, jealous, whatever. Little girls like playing these headgames to see if their guy is still the same guy they fell in love with. I agree with SD. Some girls (the immature ones anyway) do like to play this game. I had a friend that played this game on her BFs all the time. Such a waste of time.
Author johnny12 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 I agree with SD. Some girls (the immature ones anyway) do like to play this game. I had a friend that played this game on her BFs all the time. Such a waste of time. The thing is , I dont think she is a person who is immature or who plays these games ! In her defence she talks to me freely about everything however I am not sure if she realises what a strain this type of talk puts on me and my thinking. Maybe I am being naive. My instinct is to question why she feels the need to tell me about that but I think I will just ignore it hint that i dont like it .... I have had plenty of offers by girls since she has gone but would not ever tell my girl about it .. The good thing is its more of a slime sleazy guys coming on to her not hot young guys that i have to worry about i suppose but still
Lyssa Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 The thing is , I dont think she is a person who is immature or who plays these games ! In her defence she talks to me freely about everything however I am not sure if she realises what a strain this type of talk puts on me and my thinking. Maybe I am being naive. My instinct is to question why she feels the need to tell me about that but I think I will just ignore it hint that i dont like it .... I have had plenty of offers by girls since she has gone but would not ever tell my girl about it .. The good thing is its more of a slime sleazy guys coming on to her not hot young guys that i have to worry about i suppose but still Perhaps it's also a way of her trying to tell you that she might want to explore other guys. If it bothers you, you have to talk to her about it. Do not bottle this sort of thing up. It's not good. You gotta ask her why she feels the need to tell you all those stuff.
Author johnny12 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 Perhaps it's also a way of her trying to tell you that she might want to explore other guys. If it bothers you, you have to talk to her about it. Do not bottle this sort of thing up. It's not good. You gotta ask her why she feels the need to tell you all those stuff. Nah its not that at all i am pretty sure , i think what it stems from in her experience she only had one other guy who didnt even care about stuff like that so she is not used to the type of person that cares . My logic tells me that it does not matter , i trust her 100% but its just why she needs to let me know about sleazy guys
Lyssa Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 i trust her 100% but its just why she needs to let me know about sleazy guys That, you need to ask her. We can't give you the answers. We can speculate but still they are not her answers.
Author johnny12 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 That, you need to ask her. We can't give you the answers. We can speculate but still they are not her answers. Not that you will care that much but chatted to her about this today After sending a mail saying "I dont wanna hear about this when im not there" She said she told me because it was something that had upset her , she wanted protecting and she didnt want to talk to her mum - she said its not like she enjoyed being followed and approached by dodgy local men! -
samspade Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 My problem is why tell me this stuff ? She is incredibly good looking and I sometimes feel I am punching above my weight and I hate these thoughts and Its making me crazy - i think its because i am not very busy at the moment , i find myself feeling crazy about the whole thing. You kind of answered your own question. Stay busy, stop thinking about her so much. She's having a blast in Europe and you're stewing at home? She's not around, and if she's going to cheat on you, there is nothing you can do about it. She's going to have dodgy men (and suave ones) hitting on her for the rest of her attractive life. The only thing YOU can control is your reactions. Stay cool, even a touch indifferent, but always communicate subtly that if she actually disrespects you (cheats, openly flirts back, etc.), she is done.
Adunaphel Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Right so my girlfriend is away for the whole summer been with her around 7 months and her family live aborad in this time she is spending a large chunk of her time with her family and then 4 weeks with her friends backpackin. I am cool with this and I trust her. She has been away 1 month now so just under 2 months to go. We have been speaking daily be it online through msn or via emails or facebook messaages some times all three on different days . However over the last few days I have become massivley insecure , and she has just mailed me telling me she is getting harrased by local men followed and touched up on nights out ... My problem is why tell me this stuff ? Please get to talk to her (on the phone if possible) before jumping to conclusions. "Harassed" and "touched up" are quite strong terms... and you said that playing games is not an habit of hers... so perhaps it might be a good idea to check whether someone has been *actually* harassing her. If something unpleasant happened she might be in actual distress and needing some support from you. If she is just playing games...and plans to continue having nights out and allow other guys to "harass" her... well, perhaps it is time to really reconsider your relationship.
EYECANDY000 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 It seems like she is just making conversation. I think almost everyone can attest to telling their partner about moments when someone has made advances towards them. I have told my partners before just for comical reasons and they have told me. I've even shared moments when girls have hit on me. So what's the big deal? Yes, everyone have their insecure moments. There is always someone else in the world who. Is more handsome, smarter, and adventurous and etc.. but if you believe that she is true to you and vice versa then just focus on your relationship.
girl68 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I disagree with almost all the posters here. She's just talking to you. Perhaps you asked how last night was for her and she's just explaining what's going on. Men here are perverts. That's all part of her trip, she gets to see new things and OMG!!! see new people! These people have come across as agressive and perverted. Now if she's saying oh yeah, so and so bought me a drink and proceeded to feel me up on the dancefloor... that's different. If you really don't want to hear another peep about her getting her ass unwillingly (presumbably) grabbed tell her simply "baby, I really don't want to hear about that". Simple, easy peasy. Leave it at that. It's not her fault (unless it is) that she's getting all this attention, people notice pretty people. Guys especially notice attractive girls... and your girl is attractive if you don't want to hear it ever again, say exactly that. PERIOD.
Lyssa Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Not that you will care that much but chatted to her about this today After sending a mail saying "I dont wanna hear about this when im not there" She said she told me because it was something that had upset her , she wanted protecting and she didnt want to talk to her mum - she said its not like she enjoyed being followed and approached by dodgy local men! - Okay so she's probably just telling you about guys coming up to her etc. There's nothing much you can do from where you are when she's all the way there. What bothers you the most is that she's telling you these stuff. You gotta tell her that you don't need to hear any of this cause it bugs you. NO woman likes to be approached by dodgy men. I surely don't.
Mahatma Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 If you want to play her game with her, do what SD says. If you want a real woman, dump her and find a girl who does not intentionally make you jealous.
Adunaphel Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 She said she told me because it was something that had upset her , she wanted protecting and she didnt want to talk to her mum - she said its not like she enjoyed being followed and approached by dodgy local men! - I had missed this post when I first replied. Which country is her family from? Is she familiar with the country her family lives currently in? Is it her home country, or was she raised in the US? Anyway, if this is an one-time episode, I do not think you have anything to worry about. Have you heard from hear again meanwhile? Is she doing okay?
Els Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 What bothers you the most is that she's telling you these stuff. You gotta tell her that you don't need to hear any of this cause it bugs you. NO woman likes to be approached by dodgy men. I surely don't. So if you don't like it and it happens... you wouldn't tell your bf about it? Huh?? Why the hell not, what's wrong with telling him? If there was some guy harassing me and I didn't tell my bf and he came to know about it from a friend of mine, he'd definitely be extremely pissed that I didn't tell him, and very suspicious about WHY I didn't tell him. Unless it keeps happening and the girl keeps putting herself in situations that allow it to happen, I really don't see why so many people are telling him to dump her, etc. Wtf?
Lyssa Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 So if you don't like it and it happens... you wouldn't tell your bf about it? Huh?? Why the hell not, what's wrong with telling him? If there was some guy harassing me and I didn't tell my bf and he came to know about it from a friend of mine, he'd definitely be extremely pissed that I didn't tell him, and very suspicious about WHY I didn't tell him. Unless it keeps happening and the girl keeps putting herself in situations that allow it to happen, I really don't see why so many people are telling him to dump her, etc. Wtf? Did I say I wouldn't tell? OP said he didn't need to hear those stuff and don't understand why she tells him stuff like that. Read my other posts before implying that I wouldn't tell my fiance stuff like this.
Author johnny12 Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Basically I told her that I didnt want to hear these things as I was just stewing at home last week and my mind was working over drive , she said that , it wasnt the case that she was telling me about hot guys trying it on , it was more of sleazy locals being perves etc following her home etc , she could not understand my response that I dont wanna hear but reading the email its easy to construe either way - ! I think I have been stewing on something out of nothing while I was doing nothing last week ....
Els Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 OP said he didn't need to hear those stuff and don't understand why she tells him stuff like that. Then this is the problem, not the gf. It really boggles me, how most people are blaming the gf. If a guy truly cares about his girl, and she told him how she was harassed by pervs his response definitely shouldn't be 'I don't need to hear any of this, it bugs me! Why are you telling me this???' she said that , it wasnt the case that she was telling me about hot guys trying it on , it was more of sleazy locals being perves etc following her home etc , she could not understand my response that I dont wanna hear but reading the email its easy to construe either way - ! I think I have been stewing on something out of nothing while I was doing nothing last week .... I wouldn't understand either!! You don't even sound concerned that sleazy locals are following her home?? Your response was 'I don't wanna hear?!' instead of talking about her safety with her? My god. The last part is probably true. Stewing on stuff without doing anything usually tends to make people very self-centred as well, which appears to be happening in your case.
Author johnny12 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Then this is the problem, not the gf. It really boggles me, how most people are blaming the gf. If a guy truly cares about his girl, and she told him how she was harassed by pervs his response definitely shouldn't be 'I don't need to hear any of this, it bugs me! Why are you telling me this???' I wouldn't understand either!! You don't even sound concerned that sleazy locals are following her home?? Your response was 'I don't wanna hear?!' instead of talking about her safety with her? My god. The last part is probably true. Stewing on stuff without doing anything usually tends to make people very self-centred as well, which appears to be happening in your case. You are mis understanding the situation ! I didnt know these details at the time , hence why i was stewing over something and nothing. Obviously I am concerned for things like that but the original details did not make it clear !!
Els Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I see. Even in your original post you said she said she was being 'harassed' though. Does't 'harassment' generally equate to 'the girl not liking it/feeling uncomfortable about it' to you?
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