livinggreat Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Ok. Here is my story...I hope someone can tell me their thoughts… I had been dating my bf for a little over 1 year when he decided that he wanted to take a "break" from our relationship (this was about 1 month ago). We became very close very fast in the beginning and moved in together very quickly. We became totally engrossed in ONLY each other. (I know, not healthy). We were talking about marriage very early on. Everything was great until recently. We found out that I was pregnant in March and then in April, I lost the baby. We were devastated. I became very depressed and withdrawn and basically isolated myself from everyone. He never dealt with the loss and chose to instead act as if everything was ok. He slowly began to pull away from me. He was drinking more and more and was less interested in spending any time with me. I became very paranoid and thought he would leave me because of all the pain of losing the baby. I became very clingy and wanted him to spend all his time with me only. Needless to say, this created a bad situation. We both became very unhappy with our relationship. I was satisfied to continue living in this way, but he wanted the “break”. I immediately agreed and asked that he take all his things. I suggested that we not talk, but he wanted to continue communication. I told him that I would not contact him, but was open to him contacting me. We have maintained daily contact (all initiated by him). I try to be pleasant and cheerful on the phone and I don't pry into how he is feeling or what he is thinking. I have begun to live my old life again (exercising, eating better, community service, etc.) My ultimate goal is for us to work things out and start over. I have made great strides and am feeling SO much better about my life in general, but I would like to have this resolved. He says that he misses me and wants very bad to work this out and be together, but so far his actions have not shown me that. (He has not tried to spend any time with me or talk about our situation). So, I guess my question is… am I just being too impatient? Should I completely let this go and continue in this friendly conversation and not push him toward starting the relationship back? Or should I cut off contact for a while? Thanks in advance for your help!
AliBel Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I'm sorry that this past year has been a rough one. If you are happier now, then when you were with him, then I would continue in this new direction. If in the next month he does not initiate a conversation about your situation, then i would try bringing it up yourself. If he is not responsive and does not want to talk about the future of your relationship, then I think you should move on. Stay friends, but if he's not willing to work on the relationship, then its definitely time to end the romantic relationship that you two have. Hopefully, you guys can work it out, but if not, don't cut ties all together and try to remain friends. Hope everything works out for best.
hopesndreams Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I would confront him, face to face, and if you see no strides, from him, in the direction you want the relationship to go, start NC but do not tell him. He needs time to think about what he could be losing and if he doesn't want to lose you, he will get in touch. Do not accept the phone call, the email, the text, but only accept him knocking at your door and wanting to be back into your life, not as friends, but as a couple. Patience is key.
andy2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 He slowly began to pull away from me. He was drinking more and more and was less interested in spending any time with me. I became very paranoid and thought he would leave me because of all the pain of losing the baby. I became very clingy and wanted him to spend all his time with me only. Needless to say, this created a bad situation he should not be done that just because the pain of losing baby. It is only his excuse. He is selfish, and there is no reason to be friends. Just go in complete NC and move on. If he really wants you, he will find you anyway.
Author livinggreat Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Thanks for those who have posted. I appreciate the advice. When I spoke to the ex today, he wanted to get together this weekend. I told him that sounded good. As bad as I want to bring up relationship talk, I just feel that because this is the first meeting since the breakup that I should steer clear. That is unless he brings it up. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
andy2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I told him that sounded good. As bad as I want to bring up relationship talk, I just feel that because this is the first meeting since the breakup that I should steer clear. That is unless he brings it up. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? You can check his water level. If level is below critical level then you should move on with your life ALONE. Checking level is another task. You can find a lot of post here.
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