adamt Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I think when a dumper is female they are less likely to change their mind as they will have thought through everything in their minds for a while.they are more emotional than men who would hang around a bit longer if there is sex still on tap until they get someone else.
t0ri Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 ...men who would hang around a bit longer if there is sex still on tap until they get someone else. Ugh. That makes me sick because my ex did that exact thing to me, and led me to believe he wanted to reconcile. How can guys be so selfish? Jeez. I guess I'm the only one who sat back after the breakup and realized all the things that I really did do wrong.You're not the only one. I definitely did/am doing this. I can't help but beat myself up about everything I did wrong.
asuman Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Ugh. That makes me sick because my ex did that exact thing to me, and led me to believe he wanted to reconcile. How can guys be so selfish? Jeez. Let's not generalize about guys. I just got done with a dating relationship that probably shouldn't have gone past the 3rd date. Instead she strung me along for 7 dates (with lots of making out and groping going on by that point) only for me to then learn that she was also dating another guy, and she decided to go relationshippy with him and not me. She's the reason I'm on this forum. GRRR.
NopeNah Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Let's not generalize about guys. I just got done with a dating relationship that probably shouldn't have gone past the 3rd date. Instead she strung me along for 7 dates (with lots of making out and groping going on by that point) only for me to then learn that she was also dating another guy, and she decided to go relationshippy with him and not me. She's the reason I'm on this forum. GRRR. Yep..my ex was coming back for sex as of friday of last week. She also tried texting/calling last night with no response from me. Funny how the mind of a dumper works like that. Guess she was at a cookout by my place and wanted to stay over? Sure thing! Let me drop off these new girl's and i'll run right home!haha..yea right!
t0ri Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Let's not generalize about guys. I'll rephrase that How can people be so selfish? Guys, girls, either way... I don't understand their lack of compassion or self-centered ways.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Me either, t0ri. I didn't put pressure on my ex's back, but I loved her so much that I'd choose her over getting my own mom back, who I lost when I was 9. Good look finding another guy who will love you that much. Not to mention, I was always honest to her. I never cheated. I was always loyal. I'd never let her go to sleep crying, wondering whether I was being faithful. And to top it off, I was a professional model. I just don't know what more you could want in life.
Art_Critic Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I just don't know what more you could want in life. How about to be in love with someone.. you mentioned superficial things.. What is wrong with someone not being in love with you ?.. While you may have loved her she didn't love you in the same fashion and felt that it wasn't enough.. Would you rather her stay with you because you love her rather than stay with you because she loves you ?
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 She did love me though. She cried every night for me post break up, and she said she loves me to death, and it kills her every day. She didn't break up with me because she didn't love me. And btw, if you think me loving her unconditionally was a superficial thing, then I'd stick to critiquing just art. I mean that respectfully.
redy2 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 i can sympathize with you. i been fighting for awhile. mine actually moved in because she is pregnant. after we had split up 2 different times and us going nc. but then last week told me she wasnt my gf and we were not dating. over and over again. and im like ok then so why when we go out do i always pay. lol . or you quiz me everytime my phone rings who is calling. or u refer to me as ur bf in public. she has no where to go cause her mom kicked her out so i fell like i should take care of her. but im walking a fine line of being used or taking care of her. since she now is not into me and wants to date other people. which i consider bad form since she is like 3 months preg. so im stuggling what do do. or what to fight for
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Ew redy that is a nasty situation. That girl sounds unrealistic. Dare I say I understand why her mother kicked her out. lol
Art_Critic Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 And btw, if you think me loving her unconditionally was a superficial thing, then I'd stick to critiquing just art. I mean that respectfully. Well keep fighting for her then... Mr Model... that is part of what I meant was superficial... Who cares that you were a model ?.. You loving her unconditionally or one person loving another isn't always enough.. as you are now learning...
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Oh, yeah. You're right, the model part is superficial. I'm sorry for that. I would fight for her more but I sent her a letter, and she ignored it. I wish she would give me a glimmer of hope to fight for. You know? What can you do. Sucks. I won't initiate contact again. She has to. And I don't feel like she will. She is selfish.
Art_Critic Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I wish she would give me a glimmer of hope to fight for. You know? When fighting for someone this is where I think we have almost always gone wrong before... You can't win a fight if the other person isn't participating... I think the fights that get won are the ones where there is an open line of communication and trying to work things out.. if that isn't there then the fight is lost before it is even begun..
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Yeah, I feel that way too. Such a shame art critic, such a shame. I have full faith one day it will haunt her very badly though. And I don't feel bad about that at all. Cuz I go through hell all day every day now.
redy2 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 thomas, thanks for the sympathy . it is indeed nasty so i dont know much what to do. that is just some of the highlights. if she would just talk to me be easier than her having a hateful tone with her voice or be in a foul mood. whether we r together or not there is a baby on the way and we need to work stuff out. but im starting to just give up on her. and be happy when she isnt around. its not worth the grief. if she doesnt love me i doubt anything i do or say will change it. i try and talk with her but i get more out of a brick wall.
Peanut9330 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 My ex really hurt me by cheating I decided that since I truly love him he's worth fighting for but I must say how long can a person continue to fight when they keep getting a "NO" its not fair for the person thats fighitng to continue to hurt themselves when their partner makes it clear that they dont want to be with them. I'm sure alot of people have tired to meand a relationship before giving up but there is only so much you can do and eventually you just have to move on.
gypsi Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Yeah peanut! Its like swimming againts a tide in the ocean eventually your whole body will give in and you just cant fight anymore...i think ive reached that point were i just cant anymore damn ive tried EVERYTHING!!! At the end i think its her loss i had mistakes but not alot of people would admitt to them and fix them, i did so many wonderfull things for her the good times where way more than the bad times, she chose to only focus on the negative.
Exit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've continued "fighting" by responding to my ex's last email. I waited for a couple days just to show I'm in no hurry and I'm thinking things through. I acknowledged the fact that she felt unappreciated but reminded her that the fact that I didn't know this until 2 months after our break up shows that she needs to communicate. I didn't beg or plead, I simply said if you work harder on your stuff and I work harder on mine, we could make it. Writing back and forth online is the last avenue of communication that remains open between us and if she asks me to stop then I will.
ryanrabl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Thomas X..I think the thing smartest reply i heard was by Woggle..I feel your pain.I have read your recent threads (stalkerish ehh?) and I totally understand how you are feeling.I think about my ex-fiance every night and morning and wonder "if she is thinking of me".If you want to figure out what happened between me and my ex..just read one of my threads.I still love my ex so much,she will always have a part of my heart..but hey she doesnt want me?Fine,her loss.If you truly loved your ex..you would want them to be happier.If they voice that they are happier without you..then you gotta respect that.That is the greatest showing of love.I am shredded up by thoughts of her and her new man doing things we used to do..like going out,holding hands,ect...it sucks..but it isnt my first relationship nor will it be my last.It was,however,the first time I ever truly loved someone and placed them before myself.Thomas..I see this as an exciting opportunity because I now have absolutely no idea what my future holds.That is awesome!Never knowing who I will meet in 10 minutes is pretty exciting.At least I know I am not the only one feeling ripped up on the inside.
fani Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 We always used to talk about marraige and stuff. one day he asked me if after he died would I move on, I said I doubt it. Then I said I wouldn't want him to either! I jokingly said the most imprtant thing to me is that he is happy....but only if thats with me. It wass just a joke, but now we are apart I can't help but thinking it. the wounds from the breakup is very fresh, despite loving him and wanting him back..i hate him so much and want him to be miserable with out me..il get over it..that part atleast. Anyway, I cameon this thread to say that I am finding it hard to fight. I want to, so please don't say I shouldn't. He still wants me in his life, he has cut everybody else out. he has bipolar, so i am trying to do my fighting gently, without doing anything to make this worse when he is going through a paticular tough time. but still...today. fighting for him is hard.
ryanrabl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Fani,I see you really care for this guy...but can you see yourself married to someone who is totally bipolar?Do you see that as a potential cancer if you got back together?
a_f_w Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I know how everyone is so quick to go NC here. NC is the bible of loveshack. If there's anything that is consistent with this site, it's that you can count on being told to go NC. So how many people HAVEN'T? How many people have called their ex's? How many people have told them they won't leave them alone? How many people here have called them, and told them they want to fight? How many people haven't accepted no for an answer? How many of YOU have just not GAVE a damn if your ex is with someone new? You argue with them and ask what the hell they have that you don't? How many people aren't afraid? Because I know how many of you went NC. Sure, I did that, for several weeks. I was ****ing insane, I didn't leave her alone at all, and tried to scrape up every minute I could get with her (not a lot). I wrote 10's of 1000s of words of gay **** and made her read it, prepared conversations and arguments to use, etc. I was aware that the time to try that was then, when things were fresh. NC could be started at any point. But she didn't want to know, and if anything it made her like me even less. She left me for someone else, you see, which makes it especially hard to get through, perhaps. Then after about 3.5 weeks I cut contact and maintained 100% silence for about 4 months. I initially focussed on "finding someone else", even though I didn't really want to. It was a welcome distraction. Having nothing to do with my ex, I believe, was all that allowed me to move on. No, forced me too. And it gave me a much-needed confidence-boost to know that I was now in complete control of whether or not we saw each other. Ignoring her occasional attempts at contact was very empowering. Then we had to meet up for some reason and we hung out a few times, had some fun, but I like her less and less every time I see her and certainly now have none of the emotions that were associated with her/us/the breakup. I'm glad I saw her again, because I was actually getting more anxious about her again, and breaking NC was the last step. Now I don't care if we bump into each other or anything, whereas before it was off-limits and kept coming to mind. I obviously can't say that I wouldn't have recovered without going NC, because I've only been able to try it once. But I do believe in NC and I would recommend it to anyone - after a few weeks trying SLOC (****-loads of contact).
fani Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 It's the same situation everyones been saying to me. He's getting help. He's on a waiting list for therapy atm. three months untill I think. I keep thinking that that will make it better, that it will be ok if we got together because he would be getting help, he would be a bit better...but to be honest i have no idea how good treatment is....or if he will even go through with it now I'm not there to ask him to.
Soul Bear Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 LMAO I laughed so hard when i read this title, I didnt even have to read through it... I fought so much that it pushed her into another mans arms. Ask anyone here, i looked like a right twat
Ilovehim Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I fought for my ex SO much. I regret it. The more love I showed, the more hurt he gave me..the more indifference he showed and the more insignificant I felt. I still fought for him thought...for a long time.
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