leftyright1 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I've always had trouble sleeping w/ a partner in the same bed at night. I have always been a light sleeper and wake up at noises, movement, etc... and feel like this happens a lot when my current partner is in bed w/ me. She is a snuggler and feels the need to be close to me when falling asleep and subconciously at night will lean on me and move over towards me and I will wake up throughout the night and I feel tired and fatigued the next day b/c of this.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I don't want to be taking sleeping pills but her desire to cuddling while sleeping or trying to during the night is starting to hurt our relationship. I love her, but when she stays over I am unproductive, moody, and fatigued the next day. I'm obviously distressed about this. I've told her i need my space when sleeping, which i can tell hurts her feelings even though i explain its not an indication of how i feel about her. I don't want to push her away b/c of this. I imagine this is not that uncommon although it seems like the only solution with people who stay together w/ the issue is separate beds, which she doesn't seem excited about and we don't have the room for now anyway. If anybody can point me at some helpful resources or provide their experiences/advice then that would be helpful. I'm in the market for a king bed (i have a queen now) but feel like she'll still just try and be right on top of me even with the extra space. I'd hate to see this ruin something that is otherwise going well. What to do... [/sIZE][/FONT]
lora22 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Interesting, I read a study that men sleep better with their partners next to them and women sleep worse This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think she's the one who needs to change. Of course, I'm not big into cuddling while sleeping either, because then I wake up totally cramped up and can't move and on and on. My most recent ex liked to cuddle until I fell asleep, so he always held me in such a way that he could easily roll over once I was asleep or close to sleep (as opposed to holding hands or me laying with my head on his chest for example). Maybe you could compromise by cuddling with her for a little bit before bed, then set up some extra pillows in such a way that she would roll onto them instead of you, or she wrap her arm around a pillow, etc.
northstar1 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I've always had trouble sleeping w/ a partner in the same bed at night. I have always been a light sleeper and wake up at noises, movement, etc... and feel like this happens a lot when my current partner is in bed w/ me. She is a snuggler and feels the need to be close to me when falling asleep and subconciously at night will lean on me and move over towards me and I will wake up throughout the night and I feel tired and fatigued the next day b/c of this.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I don't want to be taking sleeping pills but her desire to cuddling while sleeping or trying to during the night is starting to hurt our relationship. I love her, but when she stays over I am unproductive, moody, and fatigued the next day. I'm obviously distressed about this. I've told her i need my space when sleeping, which i can tell hurts her feelings even though i explain its not an indication of how i feel about her. I don't want to push her away b/c of this. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I imagine this is not that uncommon although it seems like the only solution with people who stay together w/ the issue is separate beds, which she doesn't seem excited about and we don't have the room for now anyway. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]If anybody can point me at some helpful resources or provide their experiences/advice then that would be helpful. I'm in the market for a king bed (i have a queen now) but feel like she'll still just try and be right on top of me even with the extra space. I'd hate to see this ruin something that is otherwise going well. What to do... [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/sIZE][/FONT] Oh, I can relate to this. My last ex was a 'cuddler' and I always found it hard to get a good night sleep. I'm not sure if it was just getting used to having someone else in my bed, or the fact she liked to be close all night, but I definitely found myself having a poor night sleep. We ended up breaking up, so I guess that was it's own solution . But in all seriousness, I don't have any good advice. The current gf is not a 'cuddler' and likes her space, so I do find I'm getting much better sleeps. Are you living together, or she's just sleeping over a lot?
Author leftyright1 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 i have tried the snuggle before bed and then sleep idea. at night though she still moves over and drapes herself on me. i think she is half asleep when it happens and not intentional but it keeps happening. shes sleeping over a lot right now or i'm sleeping there. there is a possibility we'd move in together but i'm trying to find a way to address the problem b/f we take the moving in together step b/c i wouldn't be able to function normally if the sleep continues as is every night. i wonder if any of those compatibility tests should start including "snuggler while sleeping" or "need my space in bed to sleep". i'd hate to break up w/ her b/c of this but sleep is really important to some people and i happen to be one of them.
burningashes Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Lol! I'm a big snuggler myself and have observed differences between the men I've slept with. My ex had no problem letting me snuggle with him all night, since he was a snuggler too. I was with him for nearly 8 years, so you could say that my habit is a die hard one. When I started dating again, I found that not everyone is like that. My current boyfriend, when we first got together, he would cuddle for a short time and then roll over to go to sleep. At first, I felt a little hurt and took that as an indication of his interest in me. But as the relationship progressed, I learned that he doesn't like to snuggle because he gets hot fast and can't sleep well. We actually talked about this early on, and he told me he would cuddle with me anytime on the couch but in bed for a bit until I fall asleep and then go back in his own space. I'm okay with the compromise You should try reaching a compromise with your gf!
lora22 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 i have tried the snuggle before bed and then sleep idea. at night though she still moves over and drapes herself on me. That's where the pillows I suggested come in. Something else to think about: I used to do that with an ex once, but it wasn't because I'm a cuddler at all - it was because he literally weighed twice as much as me and I couldn't help but roll toward him in my sleep the more he moved around.
Author leftyright1 Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 What's the Chandler - Janice Move?
Author leftyright1 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 i really hate not getting 8 hours of sleep at night.
Sam Spade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 jimmy legs! My gf is tiny, but somehod manages to push me to the edge of the bed every night. I've developed the ability to subconsiously block her attacks without interrupting my sleep.
Els Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I second the pillow idea. Maybe give her another pillow or bolster to hug as well. You'd definitely want to ensure that all her cuddle needs are met BEFORE sleeping though. If you do that, AND talk to her about how the lack of sleep affects you, I honestly can't see how she would be put-off.
crew Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 What's the Chandler - Janice Move? The chandler janice move was taught by ross to chandler. It is a way to cuddle a girl to sleep and then move away once she falls asleep to your own side of the bed.
Katherineos123 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 The chandler janice move was taught by ross to chandler. It is a way to cuddle a girl to sleep and then move away once she falls asleep to your own side of the bed. HAHAHAH! nice one crew! But as far as the sleep to cuddle ratio differences go.. I think its a resounding yes to the pillow idea.... it seems the only real solution since she is doing this while she is asleep and has no real control over it. Do you think this is something you may just need to get used to?? How long have you two been seeing each other?
Author leftyright1 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 its been 6 months. in the beginning, i'd catch up on sleep on nights when i was alone. then we started seeing more of each other during the week and there were no longer any catch up nights. we've talked about it and it makes her sad but it really just is the way i am. wish i could change and i've honestly tried over and over. i can only say that you kind of get used to expecting to be woken up and feeling groggier the next day but that to me doesn't seem like a good way to go through life. i'm buying a king bed next week. she'll still want to cuddle but i'm hoping the distance makes it harder for her to come over to my side. will be getting the pillow with it.
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