Quest Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I posted about the guy I've been seeing a few days ago and have had loads of help about what he's really up to (manipulating) and how to deal with it (get out). I've got out but am now feeling really hurt because he's completely blanked me and the ending of the relationship - I feel now as if I was manipulated into ending it FOR him. He moves away at the weekend and hasn't even asked to see me before he goes but I know he is seeing lots of other people and saying goodbye to them. Only a week ago we were still in a relationship and talking of living together. Anyway, my question is how to deal with this pain and the way it's making me feel about myself. I've been keeping busy but it's tough knowing he's out there having a great time, completely disinterested in me. Anyone got any good strategies? I'm NOT going to try and contact him but I am struggling with his coldness, even though I know it means I'm doing the right thing getting out.
loveslife Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Awww Quest, I'm so sorry you're in this pain. There's really no way to make it magically go away. Please don't try. Feel what you're feeling now. Tell yourself it's okay to feel bad. It's natural. And before you know it you'll be happy again. You're on the right track keeping busy. Think of the things you've always wanted to do and start doing them!
MissHollywood Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Quest, you've done well so far. Tell yourself that. Keep reminding yourself that it's a good thing you did by ending it with him. You need to accept that it'll take some time to fully get over this but you're on the right track.
dreamergrl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Accepting and dealing with the emotions is the best way to get past them. Also staying busy, seeing friends, doing things you love, so you don't dwell on everything.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 You're doing the right things. These things take time. I admire your backbone. You have stood up for yourself. This guy is a master manipulator. It hurts, I know. All you can do is try to keep yourself occupied. See friends, treat yourself to a pedicure, get away for a couple of days. If you can leave town for a few days that is my best recommendation. That always helps me gain some perspective.
Author Quest Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks. Good idea. Will probably try and get away at some point. Got friends to see tomorrow and the next day ... maybe after that ...
samspade Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Be glad it only went as far as it did. You dodged a bullet!
redant Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Not sure of the whole story. You will make it through and be stronger for it. Do something good for you. Make you happy. Best wishes.
Heartford Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Could you say a little more about how he manipulated you? Other than that, I agree, you don't owe anyone any explanation for why you take care of yourself.
Bejita463 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I've been keeping busy but it's tough knowing he's out there having a great time, completely disinterested in me. Anyone got any good strategies? I'm NOT going to try and contact him but I am struggling with his coldness, even though I know it means I'm doing the right thing getting out. I don't really know your story or if this will help at all, but I get asked sometimes how I can just 'turn off' my emotions. I'd take that to mean people think I can be cold too, but if that guy handles things anything like me, the fact you are not seeing anything does not mean it is not there. You'd never know a breakup was bothering me unless you were really close to me, or I told you. As a result of that I am not so certain he is having that great time you think he is. I don't really think his mood, whether it be euphoric or suicidal, really has any relevance, but I do hope you find my opinion a small comfort.
Author Quest Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 Thanks everyone. The thread about what has happened is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t193706/ Still in the middle of it all!
kizik Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Hi Quest, clearly you are dealing with an emotional manipulator. You already know this. Why do you value yourself so little to stay, though? Please go to the following link to read up on Emotional Manipulation. My guess is that you'll be shocked at how accurate the list is in regards to this guy. http://www.epsychology.us/eight-ways-to-spot-emotional-manipulation/
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Hi Quest, clearly you are dealing with an emotional manipulator. You already know this. Why do you value yourself so little to stay, though? Please go to the following link to read up on Emotional Manipulation. My guess is that you'll be shocked at how accurate the list is in regards to this guy. http://www.epsychology.us/eight-ways-to-spot-emotional-manipulation/ Great article, Kizik! I've had a couple of friends like that. One was a superior manipulator (amongst other things) and this article describes her to a tee!
Author Quest Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 Great article, Kizik! I've had a couple of friends like that. One was a superior manipulator (amongst other things) and this article describes her to a tee! Recognised a lot of it but everyone told me so - so shouldn't be surprised! Thanks for the link Kizik.
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