lovdnlost Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 She messaged me yesterday after and it floored me. I feel like I’m back at square one! I reacted to her message and lost it for a bit, I checked her facebook which I haven’t done in a week or so and I saw a pic of her and her new man. It was torture and I was inflicting it on myself. It doesn’t make sense why I did it when I knew full well that it would hurt to see it. We broke up about a month ago because she didn’t feel the same way anymore and fell out of love. I went NC right away. 2-3 weeks after our break up, I found out that she was seeing somebody else and had already slept with him. I ended up breaking NC with a text saying: “that was quick, is it true?” It went back and forth with her telling me that she doesn’t have to explain anything to me and that it was weird for her to talk about it with me. It shattered me but it reinforced the reality that it was over between us. It killed any hope I had for any type of short term reconciliation that we all hope for in the weeks following the initial break up. I wanted to know why she moved on so quickly after a good year and a half and after she had told me all the “I know we’ll be back together again someday, just not right now” and the “I really do believe you’re my soulmate” I was wondering how the hell she can say that sh*t and then I realized that it was just said for that moment. It was said to ease her guilt of breaking up with “the nice guy”. I know for a fact that she wasn’t seeing or talking to this guy while we were together or even towards that latter part of our relationship. It all came about after we broke up so I guess it was a positive that this didn’t happen while we were still going out. How can she move on so quickly? Is it because she checked out of the relationship long before the break up? Apparently she was feeling off about our relationship, like she fell out of love about a month or so prior to the break up. Going back to what she messaged me, all she said was “your sister has my dress and shoes and I’d like those back. Could you give it to my brother pls? thank u!” I stared at it for 5 seconds and replied right away saying “hi to you too” to which she replied “oh hello haha, how r u?” so I said “I’m good, so you and jeeno (the new guy she’s seeing) huh?” she replied: “anyway, can you just give the stuff to my brother?” I never replied and wonder if I should. If I do, what should I say?? So here I am today, sick to my stomach, thoughts of her and him creep into my head, knowing that she’s all happy and enjoying this new thing she’s got going on while I’m going through the roughest time of my life, i fu**in hate it. Like many of you, I go from accepting it and feeling good one moment to being down in the dumps the next. Its so draining and frustrating. I feel like I’m going crazy!! Literally!! Not in a good place right now…..
NopeNah Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Don't reply with anything..Sorry to say it but, you can't control what/who she does. Just pack her stuff up and give it to her brother. Be done, because she is. Also, I'd stop asking about "them", it makes you come off as jealous and weak(I've been there myself).
headlesschicken Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 she absolutely doesn't have to explain anything to you. your bringing him up is offensive when she's just messaging you to have her property returned. you're coming off like a psycho, or at least a loser who can't let go. give her her stuff and don't bring up her new relationship anymore, it's none of your business.
jlr Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 "How can she move on so quickly? Is it because she checked out of the relationship long before the break up? Apparently she was feeling off about our relationship, like she fell out of love about a month or so prior to the break up." Maybe. Or, that person just doesn't like to deal with pain or emotions and so they run off to someone else hoping it will make it easier on them. They may be having a hard time too, who knows, people show it differently. Finding a rebound doesn't necessarily mean they've moved on, you know? I would stay no contact on this. No contact will either make her miss you enough to see what she did, or it won't - in the latter case, then she wasn't the right one. Sounds cliche, I know. But it's true. Hang in there.
Dolorian Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 We broke up about a month ago because she didn’t feel the same way anymore and fell out of love. I went NC right away. 2-3 weeks after our break up, I found out that she was seeing somebody else and had already slept with him. I ended up breaking NC with a text saying: “that was quick, is it true?” It went back and forth with her telling me that she doesn’t have to explain anything to me and that it was weird for her to talk about it with me. It shattered me but it reinforced the reality that it was over between us. It killed any hope I had for any type of short term reconciliation that we all hope for in the weeks following the initial break up. I wanted to know why she moved on so quickly after a good year and a half and after she had told me all the “I know we’ll be back together again someday, just not right now” and the “I really do believe you’re my soulmate” I was wondering how the hell she can say that sh*t and then I realized that it was just said for that moment. It was said to ease her guilt of breaking up with “the nice guy”. I know for a fact that she wasn’t seeing or talking to this guy while we were together or even towards that latter part of our relationship. It all came about after we broke up so I guess it was a positive that this didn’t happen while we were still going out. Weird, I just went thought the exact same scenario. It definitely sucks, but I agree with those who say pack her stuff and give it to your brother. Don't bother thinking about her and her new man. It doesn't matter. Rather go out and try to think about different things. I'm struggling with it myself!! I know my ex is probably with her new guy right now. Nothing I can do. It's none of my business. As much as I might want to know what's going on, I know I'm only sabotaging myself.
sedgwick Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 she absolutely doesn't have to explain anything to you. your bringing him up is offensive when she's just messaging you to have her property returned. you're coming off like a psycho, or at least a loser who can't let go. give her her stuff and don't bring up her new relationship anymore, it's none of your business. I might not have used the words "psycho" and "loser," but you're definitely not doing anything to get her back. Also, I would really seriously guess that even if you think she had nothing to do with this guy before the breakup, she had feelings for him at the very least. If there was any truth at all to the "soulmate" business -- and I agree with you that she probably just said it to assuage her guilt -- you're killing it fast. The proper response to her text would have been to just give the stuff to her brother with no response.
Author lovdnlost Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 i returned her stuff to her brother the next day. never msgd her cuz you guys were right and i knew it was none of my business but i wasn't in the right frame of mind at that moment. anyways, this past sunday she txt me and said thanks for returning her stuff to her brother and that she appreciates it. i didn't reply and just left it at that knowing that it doesn't matter to her if i did or did not reply but more importantly it was best for me to leave it be and just keep movin forward.
minniezz Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Aw man,what a tough situation,the only thing i think would help you right now,at this moment is just going out,hanging with your friends,have fun around em.AND DONT STAY at HOME,ALONE cause if you do that,i think you gonna end up thinking of her and her new man.It was a big loss but dont let it ruin your precious days ahead. Good luck buddy!
Author lovdnlost Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Aw man,what a tough situation,the only thing i think would help you right now,at this moment is just going out,hanging with your friends,have fun around em.AND DONT STAY at HOME,ALONE cause if you do that,i think you gonna end up thinking of her and her new man.It was a big loss but dont let it ruin your precious days ahead. Good luck buddy! ey minniezz, its all good. i'm actually ok with what happened now. Its been just over a month (a hard month at that) and during that month i was constantly going out, hitting the clubs, drinking a bit, (not too much so as to avoid the drunk texting / calling urge) flirted a bit, watched movies, hung with friends but at the end of the day i still felt empty. still missed my ex, still was consumed by the pain. However, the past week or so has actually been pretty good. I've noticed myself thinking less about the relationship and hurt i felt because of the break up and started focusing more on my life and why i'm hurting so much from this. My questions changed from, why did she do this? or what is she doing now? to why did i let this happen to me? and what am i doing now? I realized i put my life on hold for way too long...i stopped thinking about me and what i truly wanted for my life and its only recently that i've been doing things the right way (or rather the right way for me) which is setting my goals and taking the necessary steps to complete those goals with discipline, determination and of course the main ingredient, love for self again...to rebuild my life and enjoy it! I've been focused on recording music again and took up learning the piano and its been fun, its been fulfilling and its something i look forward to on a daily. I still have my moments but they don't hurt as much or rather i look at it in a positive way and realize that its all part of the experience of life, we need to evolve, we need to adapt, we need to transcend anything that we believe holds us down because really, there is nothing that holds us down but us! Like all the others before me who have come to the point after the break up where they've realized that there's more to life than being down and out about our ex's, trust that you will eventually see it too! you will eventually feel that freedom too. its been quite the journey so far...and i'm excited for what's to come! "peace and blessings manifest with every lesson learned" erykah badu
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