heavyheartnluv Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 So I was with this guy for a year and a half, our love was instant and deep, we moved in together after only 2 months.crazy but it felt right. We made plans for our future together. We shared everything, We were both social butterflys and we socialized as a team, we had that fantasy storybook love. but as many of you know, speanding every waking moment with someone, even your soulmate, can take a toll on a relationship, we got stuck in this rut. We started arguing more, and never going out. It really was my fault, I got caught up in just wanting to be with him, no one else, it was sad. but by the time I figured out that I had isolated us from our friends and old life, he decided that he wanted out. Now I cant blame him because I kept him from doing alot of things that he wanted to, I made him feel restricted and trapped. But omg.. this is my soulmate, I have never felt a pain so deep, so soulwrenching in my life. and I've been through breakups before, but I've never been in love like this. So now he says that he wants to be friends, but doesnt want me around too much, he started hanging out with our old mutual friends and having the time of his life, and he doesnt want me there for any of it. but then he says that he still loves me, he still holds me like he did when we were together, and he tells me he misses me. I feel like I'm going crazy. I know what I did wrong and would do anything for a 2nd chance, I've tryed talking about this with him, but he gets very upset and tells me he needs more space. and i'm giving him all the space I know he needs, I try not to call, I wait for him to initiate anything. but i feel like he's just so much happier just having me around when he wants me, like he doesnt have to be committed but still gets the intimacy. I really dont know what to do, I feel so crushed, and lost. I dont know what I should be doing/saying... if anything at all. I could really use some advice. thanx
Beeotch Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 So I was with this guy for a year and a half, our love was instant and deep, we moved in together after only 2 months.crazy but it felt right. We made plans for our future together. We shared everything, We were both social butterflys and we socialized as a team, we had that fantasy storybook love. but as many of you know, speanding every waking moment with someone, even your soulmate, can take a toll on a relationship, we got stuck in this rut. We started arguing more, and never going out. It really was my fault, I got caught up in just wanting to be with him, no one else, it was sad. but by the time I figured out that I had isolated us from our friends and old life, he decided that he wanted out. Now I cant blame him because I kept him from doing alot of things that he wanted to, I made him feel restricted and trapped. But omg.. this is my soulmate, I have never felt a pain so deep, so soulwrenching in my life. and I've been through breakups before, but I've never been in love like this. So now he says that he wants to be friends, but doesnt want me around too much, he started hanging out with our old mutual friends and having the time of his life, and he doesnt want me there for any of it. but then he says that he still loves me, he still holds me like he did when we were together, and he tells me he misses me. I feel like I'm going crazy. I know what I did wrong and would do anything for a 2nd chance, I've tryed talking about this with him, but he gets very upset and tells me he needs more space. and i'm giving him all the space I know he needs, I try not to call, I wait for him to initiate anything. but i feel like he's just so much happier just having me around when he wants me, like he doesnt have to be committed but still gets the intimacy. I really dont know what to do, I feel so crushed, and lost. I dont know what I should be doing/saying... if anything at all. I could really use some advice. thanx Kudos for giving him space. That can be the hardest thing...but if he wants it, give it to him. However, you are still your own person and you do not have to feel like he gets what he wants and you get nothing. If you feel like he just uses you whenever he wants and gets intimacy but no commitment-you can control that! I think you're doing the right thing by not phone/text/email/face to face stalking him...what you should be doing is doing you as he is doing him. I think we get into a rut and a daze where we allow this other person to come and go as they please and live their life while we sit around waiting...you shouldn't. Find some things you like/want to do...even if you have to fake it, you should do some things that make you feel good, new hobbies, etc. It is cliched but it is true. Goodluck
boogieboy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Yes, go hang out with friends, have fun, and when he calls to hang out, dont be so available. Once he senses you pulling back away from him, he will see that you dont need him, which will be more space than he wanted. You could notice a change. It will be tough to resist now, but you will get used to it and your power will be brought back once he tries to get closer. Its a balancing act. Instead of seeing him everytime he wants to see you, you see him every 3rd time he wants to hang, and you dont be intimate at all. He barely wants to see you now, but he wont know what hes missing if he knows youre there all the time waiting for him, know what I mean? And when you walk the walk, you have to talk the talk also. Youre not sitting around waiting for him. You have to live life. He might even see you laughing with another guy at a mutual party.
Author heavyheartnluv Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Your both totally right.. lol... thank you!
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