Going Crazy !!

[bones11]

[sIZE=2]Hi,

This is my first post on this Forum, just looking for some feedback that may give my sanity back..

 

3 months ago my ex gf broke up with me. We were together for 9 months and it was very intense, it was a long distance relationship, but we saw each other regularly, and spoke everyday on the phone. I ended up falling very hard for her, to the point I thought she could be 'the one'. I felt an amazing connetion with her I had never felt before. And we had talked of her moving to be with me.

However, out of nowhere she went distant on me which freaked me out. Because as far as I was concerned pretty much the only reason this happens in a relationship is due to 3rd party involvement. She denied this to start with and was saying she needed time to be sure about 'us' as moving was such a big life change. I accepted this, but my gut said otherwise.

 

I had a trip planned to see her in a few weeks so I waited until we were in person to sort everything out.

Eventually when I saw her and after we slept together, she broke down and said she didn't feel the same way about me anymore.

This obviously devastated me, but I accepted it at that point in time, and knew that I had to move on, knowing full well that all the begging and pleading in the world wasn't going to change anything. I never questioned if there was someone else, as I didn't think I could handle that knowledge at the time.

 

I loved this girl so much, and I now knew I wasn't going to see her again so I cherised these last days with her. Saying goodbye to her for the last time was one of the saddest days of my life. But I kept strong, kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her. She cried and we parted for good. I will never forget that moment, its burned in my memory.

 

Now over the next few days once I returned home we had minimal contact, mainly text messages, she always initiated them, I was trying to keep contact to a minimum.

 

I was just managing to hold up, but I did. At least I walked away in a civil manner and I was proud of keeping my **** together.

 

But then acouple of days later, she was on msn, we chatted a bit, she was very cold, and basically came out and said she was now seeing someone (this was now merely a week after I had returned from seeing her, so this just confirmed my suspicion that there had to be someone else prior to my last visit) She asked that I delete all the photos of her that she sent me over the previous 9 months as some were quite explicit, and that she should never of sent them at the time. And that she never really had strong feelings for me after all. WTF???.. This was a girl who I was sleeping with for 9 months, we were very intimate, she told me she missed me and loved me on a daily basis prior to the breakup, and said stuff like she had never felt like this about anyone before.

 

So now I was pissed off!!.. As far as I was concerned she didn't need to say that **** to me!..That was a real kick in the guts !

 

I kept my cool, said 'yeah whatever', and then goodbye!.. That was the last correspondence we had. She never contacted me again, and I certainly went into strict NC after that put down.

 

But, I was obviously still very much in love with her, my feelings just as strong as ever, and then I just started to fall apart, like REALLY fall apart. Almost like a delayed reaction to what happened, and all my emotions just came out of me.

 

Basically for 2 months I became a complete mess. The girl I had fell so much in love with and was considering spending the rest of my life with had dissapeared so quickly from my life and was with another man.

 

I went into a deep depression, so deep it scared the **** out of me. And I came to realise why people have suicidal thoughts over losing a partner because I was now one of them!.. It was completely ****ed up!

 

Now 3 months down the track and I still cannot for the life of me get this girl out of my head, I can't stop thinking about her and how good my life couldv'e been.

 

There have been days when I feel like im starting to move on, only for me to fall apart at the drop of a hat again. I feel like im going crazy!!!

I have had several long term relationships before, but none have affected me like this.

 

I honestly never thought breaking up with her would have this affect on me and that it would take so long for me to move on.

I feel like Im going to be one of those people who will pine over this ex for years to come and that I won't fully get over her.

 

Can anyone give me some insight into what the hell is going on with me?

 

Please tell me I will get over her eventually and won't have these residual feelings pop into my head for years to come! Arrggghh, im losing my mind!

 

Thanks for reading...

[/sIZE]

[jlr]

I know how you feel. I was with my ex for five years. We've been broken up since last October - though we still went back and forth with the idea of getting back together up until about 2 months ago when she said she found someone else suddenly.

 

It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced in all my life. I'm still a wreck. I still think about her all the time. It's been 8 or 9 months since the actual breakup, though since we did all that after, it's hard to say where I'd be now if we hadn't done that too.

 

For me, I was an absolute mess - to scary points too. Now, I still have those moments, but they're mixed with "bearable" moments. It's in and out. I wouldn't say I'm ok yet though. At best, some days aren't horrible, but none of them are really great. I sometimes get frustrated at the fact that I'm still so ****ed up over this.

 

Everyone is different in terms of how long it takes.

 

Just try to hang in there. Post on here. Talk to friends and family. Try not to sit home alone alot, get out. Work on your hobbies.

 

I'd like to think - for the both of us and others too - that it does get easier. I can only hope. I try to be positive, but that's hard sometimes.

 

There's others on this board who've been through these things and made it out ok - they're stories are inspirational, be sure to look for them. I'm sure some of them will be posting a reply to yours too.

 

Hang in there man.

[bones11]

Hey JLR,

 

Sorry to hear about youre experience, but it does make me feel better knowing someone else is going through the same crazy **** as me!

 

Over the last few weeks Ive started going backwards again, and I've basically had to accept that its gonna take a whole lot longer than I first expected to get over her.. So yeah, talk about turning up the frustration!!.

 

And I hate how you read so many quotes along the lines "theres so many more fish in the sea", "you need to find someone who deserves you" ..yeah yeah.. ****, Its not that bloody easy to find a deep connection wth a girl and have it reciprocated!!..

 

I wish I could get out there and date again, but I just know im going to be doing the whole comparison to my ex thing!..

[jlr]

Yeah, me too.

 

Those kind of quotes can be annoying.

 

I'd love to find a new love too, but I'm the same, I can't fathom it yet. I can't stop thinking of her enough to do it.

 

Making a REAL connection with someone if ****ing difficult.

[gorgio]

I was in a very similar situation (read my past threads) and reacted the same way when she told me she was seeing someone else, but collapsed a month later.

 

It's still hard but it is getting better. I keep trying to fight these feelings away, but the best solution is NC and time. Think of this like having a cold. You can't force it to go away, but you know that eventually you will feel better.

 

Hope this helps.

[sedgwick]

My bf of 10 months left me one day totally out of the blue. It wasn't for someone else who actually EXISTED, it was for some girl he felt he had to go find. Why? Because he's a musician, and I'm not (I'm a dancer and writer), so he needed to go find a musician to be with. He did this to me the morning after the night we celebrated my selling my first book. I never saw him again, and he doesn't speak to me.

 

I, like you, had never felt that kind of connection to anyone in my life. He said he hadn't either. It was an intense, loving, and special relationship from the first date. That was two years ago, and I still love him like the minute he left. I was suicidal for about six months, but I'm not anymore, even though I still think about him constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY.) Nothing has ever hurt me like this, and I haven't dated since.

 

However, I'm excited about my life again. I don't expect love or relationships to be part of my future; I'm 38 and everybody's pretty much paired off by now. Also, I couldn't trust again if I wanted to. But I don't want to die anymore, and I find myself SLOWLY being able to laugh and enjoy things again. I've gone to therapy three days a week since he left and it's definitely helped -- please do it if you're not already!!

 

I look at it like this: I'm okay being single. I've had love and sex and romance, so it's not like I never got to experience it, and there are some people who never do. I have great memories of a wonderful person who allowed me to love him for a brief period of time, and I am honored to have known him. Most of all, I know that I can survive when the worst thing I can imagine happens to me! I know without a shadow of a doubt something most people never learn for sure: I am one strong-ass mofo!!!