Alpha Female Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Was chatting with a guy from a dating site for about a week. He asked me to meet for dinner, and I said yes. Then he started asking me where I'd like to go. I said I'd let him decide. He asked what area, and I specifically said that xyz area was a real pain for me to get to, but anything in the abc area would be fine (abc area is 30 minutes away from me and closer to where he is. It's not my immediate neighborhood). He writes me back, and suggests a place that is in betweem abc and xyz. I said that was perfect and he said 7:30. Then he writes me again, asks if I like Indian food (I said yes), then suggests we meet at a place that is is xyz. Which I had already told him was tough for me to get to. I'm kind of taking this to be a blow-off. Like he doesn't really want to meet. I wrote him back that it took me over an hour to get to xyz (had to say this again, since he seemed to disregard it the first time I said it), and I avoid that area because of it. I explained that most guys I date are closer to me, as many will tell me I live too far out to date, and I have no problem cancelling if he feels I live too far away. I think the whole thing doesn't sit well with me because I had already said this area was horrible for me to travel to, but, it happens to be about 5 minutes away from where he works. Just seemed really selfish and unaccomodating. I didn't expect him to drive to my neighborhood (though a real gentleman, or someone interested would I suppose, since most guys have done that before), but meeting at a midpoint, as I suggested specifically, seemed to be a good first date compromise. Now I'm pretty turned off and not really interested in him. He didn't seem interested enough to consider my travel time and it was all about him.
OpenBook Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I think it WAS selfish and unaccommodating on his part. But I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. He's not blowing you off; he's just being lazy and not a good listener. This isn't about you... just a big red flag about his character. I would just reply back to him "Why don't we do this another time" - and then don't waste another minute of your precious time on him; be unavailable from here on out. NEXT!!
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Not knowing him, I can't say for certain, but if it were me, it wouldn't be about selfishness. If I invite a girl out to dinner, the first time or two, I generally do take her somewhere in the area of where I live or work. Not because it's closer to me, but because I've probably been there before and know they have good food and good service. I'm already nervous about a first date as it is; I don't want to be afraid that the food will be cold or the service will be horrible. I want to take her where the staff maybe knows me, so we get to skip the line, we get a better table, our food comes out first, and the staff is very friendly with us. I want everything to be as smooth as glass. If I were him, that would be my reason for recommending a place in xyz.
loveslife Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 He should have said something like, "hey, I know it's not convenient but I know this great Indian restaurant. Anyway it could be okay just this once? Feel free to say no and we'll come up with someone else." At least that's what I'd expect. Seems like you feel the same way. Not sure how I'd respond but either he's a bad listener, inconsiderate or absent-minded.
Author Alpha Female Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks. I'm not sure what he was thinking. We had agreed on meeting at the midway point, and then he wanted to change it up to meet somewhere else. I had taken it as being selfish, but you're right. He could have been absent-minded. I'll see how he responds to me email, if he does at all.
Phateless Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks. I'm not sure what he was thinking. We had agreed on meeting at the midway point, and then he wanted to change it up to meet somewhere else. I had taken it as being selfish, but you're right. He could have been absent-minded. I'll see how he responds to me email, if he does at all. I would redirect this and reply with something along the lines of "sorry that's too out of the way for me on X night. If that day's too inconvenient for you, we can reschedule if you like? I can do Y location on Z day." Or something to that effect. Rather than discuss location just switch the day until he's willing to meet you someplace neutral.
loveslife Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks. I'm not sure what he was thinking. We had agreed on meeting at the midway point, and then he wanted to change it up to meet somewhere else. I had taken it as being selfish, but you're right. He could have been absent-minded. I'll see how he responds to me email, if he does at all. It sounds like you got kind of defensive and pissed at him in the email. Maybe next time step back and ask yourself why he would possibly be trying to blow you off.
Author Alpha Female Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 That's a good solution, Phateless! He just wrote me back and said that they just opened up a new location for the Indian restaurant that is closer to abc area. He also said he doesn't mind driving (I had given him an out and said if he lived down by xyz, then he might not want to date me because of the distance). 5 minutes later, he sent another email. "Lets stick to the original plan. That's also closer to my house. I almost just bought up near you but someone beat me to the punch." Once again we are back to a location that close to his house! But, I agreed to go there. It's 20 minutes from where I live. Now I can't help but be a little turned off to meeting him. I know I need to snap out of it.
Phateless Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 That's a good solution, Phateless! He just wrote me back and said that they just opened up a new location for the Indian restaurant that is closer to abc area. He also said he doesn't mind driving (I had given him an out and said if he lived down by xyz, then he might not want to date me because of the distance). 5 minutes later, he sent another email. "Lets stick to the original plan. That's also closer to my house. I almost just bought up near you but someone beat me to the punch." Once again we are back to a location that close to his house! But, I agreed to go there. It's 20 minutes from where I live. Now I can't help but be a little turned off to meeting him. I know I need to snap out of it. Thanks. Honestly, I'm guessing he wants to be able to get you to his house, lol. Rather than go into this a little bit pissed already, either reschedule until you're happy or cancel the date. Going into a date already irritated is never going to end well.
Author Alpha Female Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks. Honestly, I'm guessing he wants to be able to get you to his house, lol. Rather than go into this a little bit pissed already, either reschedule until you're happy or cancel the date. Going into a date already irritated is never going to end well. Oh! I'd be surprised if he was thinking to bed me. It's only a tuesday night after all! ha ha. You're right going into it irritated isn't a good thing, but I'm a woman, and I have 6 hours before the date to get over my mood. Lots can change.
Phateless Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Oh! I'd be surprised if he was thinking to bed me. It's only a tuesday night after all! ha ha. You're right going into it irritated isn't a good thing, but I'm a woman, and I have 6 hours before the date to get over my mood. Lots can change. lol, touche! I've heard it said "change her mood, not her mind." I hope he at least pays for dinner.
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Honestly, I'm guessing he wants to be able to get you to his house, lol. When I was single I had planned dates around my side of town for that very reason... It sounds to me that the guy just wanted it on his side of town for whatever reason.. maybe he has another date and trying to do a 2-for-1 on that night.. Either way just tell me where you want to meet him and let him comply.. ALPHA FEMALE
marlena Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 This isn't about you... just a big red flag about his character. I would just reply back to him "Why don't we do this another time" - and then don't waste another minute of your precious time on him; be unavailable from here on out. NEXT!! Totally agree with the above. NEXT!!!!!!!! Who wants a man who can't even be courteous enough to spare you an inconvenience, especially on a first date? It most definitely speaks loudly about his character. This happened to me. I showed up and told him he's damn lucky that I did show up and that this wouldn't happen again. And it didn't. I refused every single invitation after that. I am most definitely worth an extra ten minute drive. Sheesh! Some men should stay away from dating.
Mary3 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Its pretty simple really .. He is an Online Date. He is dating alot . The last thing he wants to do is drive across town wasting his precious gas. He likely asks alot of girls out. Its interesting that he keeps trying to get you near his house . A few posters suggest getting you near his house in case he gets to have sex with you that night. You DO realize that a vast majority of the men on the on~line dating sites are out for sex , right ? ( Nobody yell at me , I was online dating for 3 years and YES alot of the men are looking for hangouts and easy sex opportunities. ) One click of a button OP and he has another date tomorrow . He's not going to sweat this. I must say though. 90% of my dates met me where I WANTED. Very FEW if any said " Nah sorry . lets not go out " lol !
Surfer Dude Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 When are you going to stop sabotaging yourself? Is your ego so big that you can't compromise even a little? A lot of women in this thread are saying "NEXT HIM!", but for all I know they might be jealous and bitter, trying to sabotage you. You should go meet him. Let's say 5 years from now, looking back on today... you'll say "Oh boy, I'm really glad I met that guy, I would've made such a horrible mistake to blow him off".
carhill Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Next time such a chat starts, merely say "call me" I'd pass on this one, TBH....
Lindarose84 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Definitely not a blowoff- he's just selfish. I don't know what guy (on a first date) doesn't just go to where the girl is located. I think this is the case whether it is online dating or not. You always want to make a good first impression no matter how many dates you can get for that week since the person you're potentially flaking on could be "the one". I met this guy online who lived an hour from me. I suggested we meet at a halfway point and he insisted we just meet at a restaurant near me. Obviously, out of fairness, we negotiated on meeting points after that, but it spoke volumes about his character that he wanted to start off on the right foot by just coming down near me (it also meant he wasn't trying to get me to his bed on the first date). I can understand why you're turned off by this guy already.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Then he writes me again, asks if I like Indian food (I said yes), then suggests we meet at a place that is is xyz. Which I had already told him was tough for me to get to. I see a few possibilities here: He wasn't paying very good attention to what you said about XYZ.He is lazy and/or inconsiderate.He is going to try to take you home for sex.He realizes it's inconvenient for you, and doesn't care. None of these is too great. I'd pass.
Phateless Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Talk about overanalyzing. I see nothing wrong with going to him the first time as long as he's willing to come to you in the future.
Citizen Drawn Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Does it matter? If it's inconvenient, don't go. This is internet dating after all and chances are he's a dork. PS if you want a date I'll see you in the north atlantic.
mortensorchid Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Well he should have been more considerate when considering your feelings about the place you were going to suggest a location in xyz when you said it was hard to get to. Saying to meet another place is better on his part. Do tell how it went.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 Hey all. The date was a big dud. He was attractive enough in person. Though he was one of those who doesn't make consistent eye contact. He also wasn't that bright. He told me that his job was very hard to explain, and then said he worked in IT, and found people jobs. So I said you're a recruiter! And he was shocked that I knew this. Wouldn't take a genius. Some of his comments were pretty crass and he took out his phone within the first 10 minutes, explaining how someone was working on his house, and he wanted to be available in case they called. Sure. Whole thing lasted an hour and a half. He walked me to my car, gave me a hug, chatted some more, then asked for my number. Phateless: yes. He bought dinner.
Mary3 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Hey all. The date was a big dud. He was attractive enough in person. Though he was one of those who doesn't make consistent eye contact. He also wasn't that bright. He told me that his job was very hard to explain, and then said he worked in IT, and found people jobs. So I said you're a recruiter! And he was shocked that I knew this. Wouldn't take a genius. Some of his comments were pretty crass and he took out his phone within the first 10 minutes, explaining how someone was working on his house, and he wanted to be available in case they called. Sure. Whole thing lasted an hour and a half. He walked me to my car, gave me a hug, chatted some more, then asked for my number. Phateless: yes. He bought dinner. This guys screams * indifference * when it came to you...Keep searching , there are some good guys out there but you have to look...
loveslife Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Hey all. The date was a big dud. He was attractive enough in person. Though he was one of those who doesn't make consistent eye contact. He also wasn't that bright. He told me that his job was very hard to explain, and then said he worked in IT, and found people jobs. So I said you're a recruiter! And he was shocked that I knew this. Wouldn't take a genius. Some of his comments were pretty crass and he took out his phone within the first 10 minutes, explaining how someone was working on his house, and he wanted to be available in case they called. Sure. Whole thing lasted an hour and a half. He walked me to my car, gave me a hug, chatted some more, then asked for my number. Phateless: yes. He bought dinner. Hahaha sorry for laughing but this guy sounds like a real dud and it's kind of funny the way he didn't think you'd understand what a recruiter is. Oh, a re-crew-ter, that must be someone who works as a crew member on a "ter," right? Whatever.
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