Jilly Bean Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Hi, PG! I can see why this would offend you. You feel that his interest is confined to a TYPE, rather than the specific YOU. But, I don't think that's the case with this guy. I mean, has he ever said anything to you about having this inclination? If he were really dating you solely for your Asianness, then I would think he would make mention of it often. And I don't believe that's happening, correct? I do hope this isn't a bit of self-sabotage, though.
Star Gazer Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I can definitely identify with that. There's something very disturbing about a guy who appears to like you because he generally likes people like you, and not you as a person. Do you like tall guys? Or fit guys? Or guys with nice smiles? Broad shoulders? Or any other physical quality? How is this any different? There are literally millions of women who fit PG's outside. What makes her PG, and what makes her special, is what's on her inside. Me thinks *that* is why this guy likes HER. Just a hunch...
clv0116 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 .... and killer with his sword. Cuz all Asian guys are!! Should "sword" be in quotes? Just asking.
AlektraClementine Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Do you like tall guys? Or fit guys? Or guys with nice smiles? Broad shoulders? Or any other physical quality? How is this any different? There are literally millions of women who fit PG's outside. What makes her PG, and what makes her special, is what's on her inside. Me thinks *that* is why this guy likes HER. Just a hunch... SG, you could be right. And hopefully you are. I think there is a distinction, however between the above physical traits mentioned and what PG is talking about. Like I said, I'm a red head. There's various rumors without any real foundation that red heads are firecrackers in bed. They've even made little rhyming poem-ish lines about them. When some men compliment my hair or take notice of it, there's a certain insinuating grin on their face. Certain traits, or ethnic backgrounds or what have you, are associated with sex sometimes. Again, it's kind of awkward for those who have said traits.
Author pandagirl Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Hi, PG! I can see why this would offend you. You feel that his interest is confined to a TYPE, rather than the specific YOU. But, I don't think that's the case with this guy. I mean, has he ever said anything to you about having this inclination? If he were really dating you solely for your Asianness, then I would think he would make mention of it often. And I don't believe that's happening, correct? I do hope this isn't a bit of self-sabotage, though. I know this guy likes me for me, but I also feel like he only pursued me because I'm Asian. It just bothers me that so many of his exes are Asian! Granted, I have mostly dated non-Asian people, but that includes blond hair/blue eyes, dark hair/brown eyes, Jewish boys, half-Asian boys, etc. Only dating Asian girls is like...me only dating Eastern European guys...or something....haha. I'll have to think about the self-sabotaging, JB. I like this guy, but I'm not crazy about him and I know that has to do with my inabilities to emotionally open up. The only guys I have been crazy about were those that were unavailable.
monkey00 Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I think you have a right to be over-reacting under certain circumstances. However everyone has a personal preference when preferring what race they want to go out with/be with. I think it's normal. But I find yellow fever to be a pretty quick growing phenomenon no matter which part of the world I'm in. I have friends and have met a number of people over the years who are non-asian but into asian girls. Honestly I'm an asian guy and I don't see what the big fuss is all about.
Jilly Bean Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I know this guy likes me for me, but I also feel like he only pursued me because I'm Asian. It just bothers me that so many of his exes are Asian! Granted, I have mostly dated non-Asian people, but that includes blond hair/blue eyes, dark hair/brown eyes, Jewish boys, half-Asian boys, etc. Only dating Asian girls is like...me only dating Eastern European guys...or something....haha. I'll have to think about the self-sabotaging, JB. I like this guy, but I'm not crazy about him and I know that has to do with my inabilities to emotionally open up. The only guys I have been crazy about were those that were unavailable. Well, that's what you FEEL, PG. It would be like someone I dated finding out all my ex's were dark, brawny Italians (because most of them are). I just happen to be attracted to that type. So, he may find Asian women totally hot, and that may translate to the exterior only, in which case, it's no different than someone preferring a blonde or brunette. Think about the self-sabotage. I think you *might* be onto something there. I totally get how we can get a little nuttier over the guy who drives us crazy, but I have faith that you can move beyond that. Awareness is a powerfully great start!
Thornton Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 When a white guy and his girlfriend move to Japan, everything is fine and dandy during the first month or so. Then the guy, enthralled with the quantity of hot feminine women, bags his first J-chick and breaks up with his American/European chick. The dude gets laid like a king, while suddenly, for the first time in her life, western chick can't get a boyfriend. Lo and behold, her attitude is scaring away Japanese men and her feminazi bitching certainly isn't helping, while white men won't even give them the time of day anymore. They usually bitch and BS around for a few more months and then they pack their things and go home. Some of them stay and work as hostesses (escorts), but that's a different story though. So the white guy likes the Japanese girl because he "gets laid like a king"? Not because Japanese girls are more intelligent, or more fun to be with, or more loving and kind, the main thing is she lets him shag her every which way? Such a viewpoint is demeaning to Japanese women as well as to white women, and just typifies the attitude that Asian women are submissive and open to sexual manipulation. If a guy can't handle a girl with a mind of her own, a girl who isn't prepared to be submissive and servile, then he's a little pathetic. It's usually domineering men who can't handle western women who feel the need to exclusively date Asian women who they see as being more docile and easily manipulated. I know there are guys who just like the look of Asian women, and that's fine, but those who like them because of their reputation for being submissive are kind of sick. I know a guy at work whose second wife is Chinese. His first wife was white, and they had kids, then they divorced and he married this Chinese girl. I once asked him if they planned to have more kids, and he said god no, he didn't want bi-racial kids... he said this Chinese girl makes a good wife but he would never have kids with her. So obviously this Chinese girl is good enough to be his submissive little wife and satisfy him sexually, but she isn't good enough to bear his kids... she's basically his sex toy, not his wife. People like that make me sick. Pandagirl, I think I understand why you're concerned. If your guy has an fetish for Asian girls, it's not necessarily just about the way they look, it could also be because he may expect them to be stereotypically servile and submissive and sexually open. You're concerned that he may expect you to be servile and submissive and willing to please him sexually, while you see yourself as a modern Western woman who has a mind of her own. You want to be seen as a woman, not as a little wife and sex toy. Is that right? I think you need to question him about the nature of his affinity for Asian women, and find out whether he just thinks they look pretty or whether he has a lot of other stereotypical assumptions about them which don't fit with how you see yourself.
Surfer Dude Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Thornton, most men just want to spend time with women who don't have hangups about sex. However, true pleasure never comes from manipulation, and sex has nothing to do with it. If a woman is feminine and acts feminine, she will be much more attractive to guys than some woman with a magic pussy syndrome who sees sex as a reward to man, and limits the amount of sex in relationship, trying to retain upper hand at all times. Surely, such women have low self esteem and mental issues. Such women can be weeded out effectively though, no one has to spend time with them.
Samari Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Is this really any different than people feeling more comfortable dating people of their own race? Like someone else advocated, men (and women for that matter) are instinctual creatures. As a guy I know that a big part of my attraction to females results from certain aesthetics. That being said there is a reason I chimed in on this thread. I'm 21 and my current girlfriend is Asian. A lot of my friends are Asian. The past three crushes I had in high school were Asian. I'm a black guy. And I'd be hiding something if I didn't say that my attraction usually garners towards Asian women. It's true. However that doesn't mean that I only like Asian women, or I am attracted to them because of some dumb stereotypical reason such as "Asian women are good in bed" or "Asian women are submissive". That is far from the truth. As far as I'm concerned, I grew up with a lot of Asian people and white people surrounding me in the area I live in here in the San Francisco bay area. So it wasn't surprising that a good deal of my friends were of Asian ethnicity. As for my attraction to Asian females, that is just the way I am I suppose. Every guy has certain attributes about females they like. Whether it's large breasts, short height, big lips, etc. The same applies to ethnicity. That doesn't mean I'm in any way racist or that I wouldn't go for a girl that isn't of Asian heritage. I like all women. It just happens to be that my eyes draw more towards women with Asian physical features. That is all. It really isn't a big deal.
Samari Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Pandagirl, I think I understand why you're concerned. If your guy has an fetish for Asian girls, it's not necessarily just about the way they look, it could also be because he may expect them to be stereotypically servile and submissive and sexually open. You're concerned that he may expect you to be servile and submissive and willing to please him sexually, while you see yourself as a modern Western woman who has a mind of her own. You want to be seen as a woman, not as a little wife and sex toy. Is that right? I think you need to question him about the nature of his affinity for Asian women, and find out whether he just thinks they look pretty or whether he has a lot of other stereotypical assumptions about them which don't fit with how you see yourself. That would really make her come off as paranoid in my opinion.
Jaytb Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Is this really any different than people feeling more comfortable dating people of their own race? Like someone else advocated, men (and women for that matter) are instinctual creatures. As a guy I know that a big part of my attraction to females results from certain aesthetics. That being said there is a reason I chimed in on this thread. I'm 21 and my current girlfriend is Asian. A lot of my friends are Asian. The past three crushes I had in high school were Asian. I'm a black guy. And I'd be hiding something if I didn't say that my attraction usually garners towards Asian women. It's true. However that doesn't mean that I only like Asian women, or I am attracted to them because of some dumb stereotypical reason such as "Asian women are good in bed" or "Asian women are submissive". That is far from the truth. As far as I'm concerned, I grew up with a lot of Asian people and white people surrounding me in the area I live in here in the San Francisco bay area. So it wasn't surprising that a good deal of my friends were of Asian ethnicity. As for my attraction to Asian females, that is just the way I am I suppose. Every guy has certain attributes about females they like. Whether it's large breasts, short height, big lips, etc. The same applies to ethnicity. That doesn't mean I'm in any way racist or that I wouldn't go for a girl that isn't of Asian heritage. I like all women. It just happens to be that my eyes draw more towards women with Asian physical features. That is all. It really isn't a big deal. Yeah, same situation for me actually. My school had a lot of Asians, so I sort of gravitated towards them. And I'm white, and my girlfriend is Asian. And is it really a problem for a man to have likes or dislikes or preferences when it comes to dating? What is the real problem if I like how Asians look?
Thornton Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Thornton, most men just want to spend time with women who don't have hangups about sex. However, true pleasure never comes from manipulation, and sex has nothing to do with it. If a woman is feminine and acts feminine, she will be much more attractive to guys than some woman with a magic pussy syndrome who sees sex as a reward to man, and limits the amount of sex in relationship, trying to retain upper hand at all times. Surely, such women have low self esteem and mental issues. Such women can be weeded out effectively though, no one has to spend time with them. Fair enough, you want a feminine woman who doesn't use sex as a weapon - but it's wrong to suggest that Asian women are like that and American/European women aren't. I know plenty of feminine and well adjusted American/European women. Personally I don't understand why a woman would use sex as a weapon anyway, because if she witholds it then she isn't getting any either! I can understand why a woman wouldn't want sex with a man who wasn't being nice to her, but all things being well in the relationship there really is no reason for a well adjusted female, Asian or non-Asian, to withold sex. Unless, of course, the man is crap in bed and she sees sex as a favour to him which she can do without because she gets very little out of it
Epsilon Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 I am white but I speak many Asian languages, have many Asian friends, and like Asian women. Would I have a fetish? I think not. I just happen to really click with and identify with many things that are Asian. I love the languages, get along well with my friends, and I find Asian features more attractive. It doesn't mean, though, that I objectify such women at all. I have the utmost respect for them just like I would any other woman. It's no different from someone who likes tall men or blonde women or intelligent people. It only crosses the line into "fetish," in my opinion, when you stop looking at them as human beings and more as accessories or objects (for sexual pleasure or for not). Regardless, I would not be worried too much, even if he is attracted to Asian features. Those are simply his preferences and it doesn't mean he would objectify you or treat you any differently or with a different level of respect than he would another human being. You can still have a perfectly loving and happy and mutually-respectful relationship. I mean, I find women with dark features attractive too (dark hair, fair skin, almond-like eyes, body frame), but Asians tend to have all these things in one package, so it's no surprise to me that most of the women I am attracted to are Asian. It doesn't mean it's a problem. Again it would only be an issue if he's not paying much attention to your thoughts/feelings/personality/etc.
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