AlektraClementine Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Panda Girl - I get you. I really do. I think it's something that can only come from experience. And it is different than just anything physical. When that something physical is associated with sex, it can make you feel icky. Case in point. I'm a redhead. Do you know how many times in my adult life, I've been given that line about redheads? Retarded. Or how many creepy sex looks I've gotten because of the color of my hair? I realize for guys, it's hard to control making the association, but it really does give a girl the ickies.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 But pandagirl, you prefer caucasian guys. I sometimes wonder if you're comfortable in your own skin, as in race. Be proud of who you are, instead of considering it a handicap.
Author pandagirl Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 But pandagirl, you prefer caucasian guys. I sometimes wonder if you're comfortable in your own skin, as in race. Be proud of who you are, instead of considering it a handicap. OK, maybe you are right. Not in the sense that I am uncomfortable with my race, but I am uncomfortable with my appearance, perhaps. For a long time, I didn't see myself as an attractive person and I thought guys only liked me because of my personality. So, for someone to like me based on certain aesthetic preferences, does make me a little iffy.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 OK, maybe you are right. Not in the sense that I am uncomfortable with my race, but I am uncomfortable with my appearance, perhaps. For a long time, I didn't see myself as an attractive person and I thought guys only liked me because of my personality. So, for someone to like me based on certain aesthetic preferences, does make me a little iffy.As someone who's battled with feeling objectified, I can understand that feeling. But it's rooted in distrust. Believe in yourself, know that you'll survive and watch for the signs of shallow behaviour. If all his compliments to you are superficial, he doesn't value what's within. More than likely, he either hasn't got the capabilities or hasn't bothered to look within. If so, that's when you have to worry. Right now, I don't see anything to worry about so relax and don't push him away with your fears.
Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Think of it this way: how would you feel if someone only liked you for the way you looked, and not only that, only liked you because you were a certain ethnicity, one that stereotypical symbolizes passivity and certain sexual inclinations. I think you're assuming a LOT here. There are tons of Asian women in the world. What makes you YOU, is why he likes YOU and wants to be with YOU, and not some other Asian girl.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I'm battling with the right words to express this, so bear with me, if it sounds off. Maybe a component of it, might be as follows. You also don't want to be held to some imaginary standard, one that has aspects you don't necessarily respect. Is there a combination of fear of being found lacking and distaste?
WineCountry Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Japanese society is so great because all the feminazi BS still hasn't found it's way there. Perhaps it never will. It's a country where women act like women... haha.. Perhaps that's why I spending so much time there. If some feminists tried to overturn the society there like they did here, they'd probably get laughed at. And THERE is probably the reason the OP feels weirded out by men with Asian fetishes. That stereotypical attitude that Asian women will be 'submissive'. The words " where women act like women" and the jab at feminism shows you the insecurity with this type of guy. God forbid you be an independent woman with your own thoughts and ideas. That's just scary to men like this. They want you to walk on a leash like a dog, and sit and roll over when they tell you to. Yes..there's a good girl. <pat-pat> After reading this guy's post, I clearly understand why the OP is worried.
Surfer Dude Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 And THERE is probably the reason the OP feels weirded out by men with Asian fetishes. That stereotypical attitude that Asian women will be 'submissive'. The words " where women act like women" and the jab at feminism shows you the insecurity with this type of guy. God forbid you be an independent woman with your own thoughts and ideas. That's just scary to men like this. They want you to walk on a leash like a dog, and sit and roll over when they tell you to. Yes..there's a good girl. <pat-pat> After reading this guy's post, I clearly understand why the OP is worried. There's one funny phenomena in Japan, that I've never seen fail, not once: When a white guy and his girlfriend move to Japan, everything is fine and dandy during the first month or so. Then the guy, enthralled with the quantity of hot feminine women, bags his first J-chick and breaks up with his American/European chick. The dude gets laid like a king, while suddenly, for the first time in her life, western chick can't get a boyfriend. Lo and behold, her attitude is scaring away Japanese men and her feminazi bitching certainly isn't helping, while white men won't even give them the time of day anymore. They usually bitch and BS around for a few more months and then they pack their things and go home. Some of them stay and work as hostesses (escorts), but that's a different story though.
WineCountry Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I get people's points, that it's just an aesthetic preference, but it's much different than if you had blonde hair or blue eyes. When you are a certain ethnicity, it is -- in a sense -- who you *are*. Blonde hair doesn't define you. Being Japanese does. It just makes me feel like the only reason he messaged me on the online dating site is because I am Asian. Like, he clicked "asian" in the preference box and there I showed up. I guess if things progress with us, I'll feel better that he likes me for ME, but as of now, it's very new, so I can't help feeling a bit weird about it. I get what you are saying, Panda. Other people just dont. Hate to say that, not trying to be difficult. But seriously.. someone liking blondes and someone only wanting or liking Asian women is NOT the same thing. It IS different. I get that. Some folks just wont understand. I am a minority, and have dealt with issues like that, so i get it. If a lot of this guys exes have been Asian, and he also singled you out online, I'd say he is probably into Asians. I mean, I dont think that is a coincidence. You will have to ask yourself if that kind of person is someone you are comfortable with dating. I am black, but very lightskinned with green eyes. As you probably know, there are huge issues in the black community about skin color. Lightskinned people get favored by black men sometimes. BUT..if i met a guy and all his exes were lightskinned, and it seem like he liked me for that, id be turned off too. Some people dont understand that. It goes deeper than just say liking a certain hair color, etc. I just dont like stuff like that. So, i do understand.
WineCountry Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 There's one funny phenomena in Japan, that I've never seen fail, not once: When a white guy and his girlfriend move to Japan, everything is fine and dandy during the first month or so. Then the guy, enthralled with the quantity of hot feminine women, bags his first J-chick and breaks up with his American/European chick. The dude gets laid like a king, while suddenly, for the first time in her life, western chick can't get a boyfriend. Lo and behold, her attitude is scaring away Japanese men and her feminazi bitching certainly isn't helping, while white men won't even give them the time of day anymore. They usually bitch and BS around for a few more months and then they pack their things and go home. Some of them stay and work as hostesses (escorts), but that's a different story though. Oh for Gods sake men like you make me puke! If a guys girlfriend is a B--ch, then perhaps he needs to get himself ANOTHER girlfriend, period! Why blame it on her race, or the fact that she is an American, or the fact that she has blue eyes, one leg, a long nose, etc etc?? If you have been meeting difficult women here in America, perhaps you need to choose different women. Perhaps the poor women that you thought were cute, but just not hot enough for you, would have made great girlfriends. But you never gave them the chance! Who knows what kind of man YOU are? Perhaps YOU are the one who is difficult to deal with! If you or anyone else needs to leave the damn COUNTRY to find a girlfriend that you can 'handle', obviously your skills as a MAN are lacking. Men like that are weak and insecure. They need someone bowing at their feet in order to make them feel important. Your egos cannot take a woman that has her own mind, thoughts, etc. That is threatening to you. A woman can be your lover, your friend, your companion, your heart, without her having to submit to you like a common servant. Is that what a relationship is to you? If so, by all means, run to whatever country you feel offers that for ya! Good riddance!
BeautifulMan Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 wannnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhh He likes me cause i'm asian!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure you and the other 90% of asian females like the specific guy because he's caucasian with blue/green eyes.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 There's one funny phenomena in Japan, that I've never seen fail, not once: When a white guy and his girlfriend move to Japan, everything is fine and dandy during the first month or so. Then the guy, enthralled with the quantity of hot feminine women, bags his first J-chick and breaks up with his American/European chick. The dude gets laid like a king, while suddenly, for the first time in her life, western chick can't get a boyfriend. Lo and behold, her attitude is scaring away Japanese men and her feminazi bitching certainly isn't helping, while white men won't even give them the time of day anymore. They usually bitch and BS around for a few more months and then they pack their things and go home. Some of them stay and work as hostesses (escorts), but that's a different story though. Oh boy. Please share with us more entertaining stories about how much the evil white woman gets what she deserves while the staid and wonderful white man runs off into the sunset with his hearts desire fullfilled.
Surfer Dude Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 @Winecountry: Truth is, we just like spending time with affectionate, caring, feminine women. So in essence yes, if a woman gives me too much sh*t, I will run. You're right. But it has nothing to do with race, the above example was just an interesting thing that happens. And besides... a man with true "skills", as you put it, will never waste those skills on women who give him hard time. Because he will always have options. Just as you women wouldn't waste your time on some boring supplicating chump who can't tie his own shoes. @Shortie: I kid you not. You'd be surprised to hear what kind of stuff people pull off. I don't really care about those people anyway, I was merely stating an observation.
clv0116 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 .... how would you feel if someone only liked you for .... certain sexual inclinations. Wow, the things you learn - what sexual inclinations are Asian girls famous for?
Author pandagirl Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 @Winecountry: Truth is, we just like spending time with affectionate, caring, feminine women. So in essence yes, if a woman gives me too much sh*t, I will run. You're right. But it has nothing to do with race, the above example was just an interesting thing that happens. And besides... a man with true "skills", as you put it, will never waste those skills on women who give him hard time. Because he will always have options. Just as you women wouldn't waste your time on some boring supplicating chump who can't tie his own shoes. Surferdude, what are you really describing is Japanese culture -- very polite, courteous, generous and kind. Many women of all ethnicities are affectionate, caring and feminine.
Citizen Drawn Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Lots of cultures tend to date within. What's the problem if he has a preference for another culture? You make it sound primarily sexual and on top of that perverted.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Lo and behold, her attitude is scaring away Japanese men and her feminazi bitching certainly isn't helping, while white men won't even give them the time of day anymore. You are sooooo full of ****, it's not even funny. A friend of mine (white) worked as an ESL teacher in Japan for 3 years, and she is as feminist as they come. She could not keep the men away -- Asian and non. Her Western female friends had similar experiences.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Oh boy. Please share with us more entertaining stories about how much the evil white woman gets what she deserves while the staid and wonderful white man runs off into the sunset with his hearts desire fullfilled. This Fantasy Land is called Surfer Boy's Imagination. Don't you love the type who strike out so bad with women that they have to move to another country -- where women are a little more desperate for their money -- to score?
hoping2heal Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 This strikes me a bit odd. You are worried he may have an asian fetish which would equate him liking YOU specifically, only because you're asian. You've also stated he has a ton of asian friends, which means; you are hardly the only asian he has "access" too. Well, my bf is a different ethnicity than I. I'm very turned on by men of his ethnicity, and of a few others as well. I think at one time he was worried I only liked him for being a "brown guy". There's a million "brown guy's" in the sea, I liked him for specific reasons that had to do with his charachter and what's inside, the fact that I found him to be so sexy was only a bonus. That said, I've found american men sexy still, some japanese men sexy, etc. So just because I find it so sexy and exotic, didn't mean I had a fetish, and it had nothing to do with WHY I chose him.
click1953 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Ok, had another date with my guy tonight. Fun, chemistry great, blah blah blah... but, from what information I have pieced together from our previous conversations, I have evidence that most of his ex-girlfriends have been Asian! (If you haven't figured it out, I am Asian.) Also, by looking at facebook (damn you, facebook), he has a lot of Asian friends that are girls (who may or may not be his exes). I have to say, this bothers me. I have never dated a guy with a "thing" for Asian girls. It makes me feel kind of gross, like it's the only reason he likes me. It makes me feel insecure, which I understand is something that I control. I understand that people have a "type," bet it blonde, tall, big boobs, etc., but there is something about a guy who particularly likes Asian girls that makes me feel very uncomfortable. Am I over-reacting? Yes, you are over-reacting. Be proud of who and what you are. You have a great heritage, and if a good guy loves you for it, and you have a good time with him, then don't let these details bother you. Look for honesty, communication, and genuine attraction. Look if you can work together, live together, and still have fun. Don't let anything else bother you.
Surfer Dude Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 You are sooooo full of ****, it's not even funny. A friend of mine (white) worked as an ESL teacher in Japan for 3 years, and she is as feminist as they come. She could not keep the men away -- Asian and non. Her Western female friends had similar experiences. This Fantasy Land is called Surfer Boy's Imagination. Don't you love the type who strike out so bad with women that they have to move to another country -- where women are a little more desperate for their money -- to score? You remind me of the little princess Leia in her tight little leather jacket, getting all feisty when someone disagrees. Here's the deal, we can go to Asia together then, with my skills and your money we can pick up any chick we want! What do you say? We'll be unstoppable! I'll be Han Solo and you be Leia! *all X-wings prepare for takeoff!*
clv0116 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I've been around Asia a bit. While I do see the cute white chicks scoring over there, the vast majority of white people, male and female, who visit Asia have not in my experience been fantastic physical specimens. In other words, you're both right but my hottie little British chick friend in Tokyo and RS friend are are atypical examples. Whereas a foreign woman almost has to be cute to score in Asia, a foreign guy just has to show up and not be a decrepit troll. So you're both sorta right in my experience.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 This Fantasy Land is called Surfer Boy's Imagination. Don't you love the type who strike out so bad with women that they have to move to another country -- where women are a little more desperate for their money -- to score? Yeah, it is pretty telling! I love fables and Surfer spins some entertaining ones. It's like a cautionary tale to conform to Surfer's personal life views. "Now, now women, be quite little mouses that are eager to serve and have no real needs of your own that fit outside my own narrowlly defined ideas about what a woman should accept. Otherwise all the men will be able to run off to Japan and live a life full of love, happiness and no worries while you will end up toiling away in the coal mines just to survive." Bahahahahaha.
Shygirl15 Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I can definitely identify with that. There's something very disturbing about a guy who appears to like you because he generally likes people like you, and not you as a person.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 You remind me of the little princess Leia in her tight little leather jacket, getting all feisty when someone disagrees. Here's the deal, we can go to Asia together then, with my skills and your money we can pick up any chick we want! What do you say? We'll be unstoppable! I'll be Han Solo and you be Leia! *all X-wings prepare for takeoff!* I'm not sure whether I find your response annoying or endearing. Because I'm a rock star and have a weakness for surfers, I'll err on the side of fun. But I don't want an Asian woman. I want an Asian man -- you know, a genius at math, supplicating, and killer with his sword. Cuz all Asian guys are!!
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