pandagirl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Ok, had another date with my guy tonight. Fun, chemistry great, blah blah blah... but, from what information I have pieced together from our previous conversations, I have evidence that most of his ex-girlfriends have been Asian! (If you haven't figured it out, I am Asian.) Also, by looking at facebook (damn you, facebook), he has a lot of Asian friends that are girls (who may or may not be his exes). I have to say, this bothers me. I have never dated a guy with a "thing" for Asian girls. It makes me feel kind of gross, like it's the only reason he likes me. It makes me feel insecure, which I understand is something that I control. I understand that people have a "type," bet it blonde, tall, big boobs, etc., but there is something about a guy who particularly likes Asian girls that makes me feel very uncomfortable. Am I over-reacting?
Bejita463 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Am I over-reacting? I am having a lot of trouble understanding why you would have a problem with a guy you are interested in having a fetish for something you ARE. I could understand this thread from someone who is not Asian, but why does it matter to you? I don't get it. I really don't.
Author pandagirl Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I am having a lot of trouble understanding why you would have a problem with a guy you are interested in having a fetish for something you ARE. I could understand this thread from someone who is not Asian, but why does it matter to you? I don't get it. I really don't. Well. It's probably because you are not an Asian female! haha. Think of it this way: how would you feel if someone only liked you for the way you looked, and not only that, only liked you because you were a certain ethnicity, one that stereotypical symbolizes passivity and certain sexual inclinations. And then you find out that most of their exes "look" like you. It makes you feel less...special. Objectified.
Bejita463 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Well. It's probably because you are not an Asian female! haha. Think of it this way: how would you feel if someone only liked you for the way you looked, and not only that, only liked you because you were a certain ethnicity, one that stereotypical symbolizes passivity and certain sexual inclinations. And then you find out that most of their exes "look" like you. It makes you feel less...special. Objectified. I am pretty good about thinking outside my own beliefs when I choose too, and had already done that... but I WANT my partners to be physically attracted to me, and if it just so happens their exes are all tall white guys with blond hair... in that case I know what they like and I'm it. In my opinion, his behaviors are not likely to change because of WHY he is attracted to you. Would you have the same problem if he just preferred the way you have your hair, and all of his exes had hair the same way? Where's the line, and why does it matter? A guy knowing what he wants is not objectification any more than it is for a woman.
Surfer Dude Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Asian girls are hot, they look young and they have perfect bodies. What's wrong with seeking out that specific type of woman? The guy's qualification is that his girlfriend must be Asian, and that's reasonable. Beyond that, I'm sure he sees you as a person, not an object. Many women won't be with guys who don't own a car, a house, earn 6 figures etc. In Japan, there are so called "gaijin hunters", J-chicks who love white guys. I've been with such women. They liked me because I'm white, but if I was Asian they wouldn't give me the time of day. Am I pissed off? Why would I be? They have the right to have their own standards. All that really matters is that two people connect on a really deep level... and share amazing, exciting and unique experiences together. Everything else is of secondary importance.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 PG, having asian friends aren't an indication that he has an asian fetish, it merely means that he has more friends that are asian. Unless he says he is or makes certain demands of you, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I understand where you're coming from, it's always hard to weed the ones who likes you for you and not because of your race. But then if that's the case, it would make more sense if you just dated another Asian guy. Always, always listen to your intuition, and even then make sure you have enough evidence that supports your claim before you do anything rash. Aside from that, I think you're okay, and you're merely trying to find faults with this relationship ( your previous herpies thread) and faults with him ( fetish?).
Lyssa Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I wouldn't worry about it. I'd worry if he's into BDSM or something freakier - but that's just me. You have great chemistry, both have fun together - why worry about something like this?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Asian girls are hot, they look young and they have perfect bodies. What's wrong with seeking out that specific type of woman? The guy's qualification is that his girlfriend must be Asian, and that's reasonable. Beyond that, I'm sure he sees you as a person, not an object. Many women won't be with guys who don't own a car, a house, earn 6 figures etc. In Japan, there are so called "gaijin hunters", J-chicks who love white guys. I've been with such women. They liked me because I'm white, but if I was Asian they wouldn't give me the time of day. Am I pissed off? Why would I be? They have the right to have their own standards. All that really matters is that two people connect on a really deep level... and share amazing, exciting and unique experiences together. Everything else is of secondary importance. You're talking about a completely different area of the globe where japanese girls are more attracted to the ideals of Western pop culture. The problem with most men who have asian fetish is their stereotypical view that asian females are submissive. While that may be the case, western- sino relationships have expanded alot of feminism ideals into many asian countries.
Bejita463 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 You're talking about a completely different area of the globe where japanese girls are more attracted to the ideals of Western pop culture. The problem with most men who have asian fetish is their stereotypical view that asian females are submissive. While that may be the case, western- sino relationships have expanded alot of feminism ideals into many asian countries. You've asked these men yourself to come to that conclusion then? No offense is intended there, but I appreciate the general cast of Asian features (I like the eyes) and it has nothing to do with submissiveness. I lived in Japan on an Air Force base and very few people there that I spoke with actually believed Japanese women were submissive, even though the outward appearance suggested it. Not saying you are wrong, but "most men" is a pretty bold statement.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 You've asked these men yourself to come to that conclusion then? No offense is intended there, but I appreciate the general cast of Asian features (I like the eyes) and it has nothing to do with submissiveness. I lived in Japan on an Air Force base and very few people there that I spoke with actually believed Japanese women were submissive, even though the outward appearance suggested it. Not saying you are wrong, but "most men" is a pretty bold statement. That's why I wrote " stereotypical view". Of course Japanese women are not submissive, most of them have come a long way to step out from Japan's patriarchal society to being strong women. But alot of women are still being underminded because of their culture beliefs that women are better suited as housewives, hence why most men with asian fetishes are attracted to asian women in general, because they hate how most western women are more independent and " Sex and the City" followers. And yes, I dated someone once with said fetish and he told me himself he disliked dating white girls because asian women were more " submissive" and docile. His exact words. Needless to say, I was immediately turned off by his comments and there were no second date.
Shock Me Sane Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I'm not Asian, but I'm still a girl and I can understand why you would be creeped out by a guy with an Asian fetish. I'm creeped out by guys with Asian fetishes, as well as anyone else with a fetish for a particular ethnicity. It's cool if you have a physical "type," but when your "type" is so limited and is based on stereotypes about a person's personality, I don't know about that. However, I know a lot of guys that are into Japanese cinema and culture that are totally obsessed with Japanese girls, and in their case, it's pretty much harmless because it's mostly a physical attraction. I would just ask him flat out what it is he likes about Asian girls and you'll know if it's an issue by what he says.
Bejita463 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 And yes, I dated someone once with said fetish and he told me himself he disliked dating white girls because asian women were more " submissive" and docile. His exact words. I've heard that ignorance as well, but my experience showed that attitude to be the minority, rather than the majority. I concede I may have had good luck with it though.
Surfer Dude Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Japanese society is so great because all the feminazi BS still hasn't found it's way there. Perhaps it never will. It's a country where women act like women... haha.. Perhaps that's why I spending so much time there. The whole Judeo-Christian bull**** about sex is nonexistent there and it's probably the only place where women are hornier than men and love talking about sex constantly. It's probably heaven on earth, sex-wise. The only bastion of sexual sanity left in this world. If some feminists tried to overturn the society there like they did here, they'd probably get laughed at.
Lyssa Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Japanese society is so great because all the feminazi BS still hasn't found it's way there. Perhaps it never will. It's a country where women act like women... haha.. Perhaps that's why I spending so much time there. Out of curiosity, SD - how do women in Japan act? What do you mean by women act like women? Don't all women around the world act.. womenly?
tinklebell Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 PG, I know what you're talking about. There's nothing wrong with preferring a type or ethnicty but it just makes you wonder if he likes you for who you are or what you were born as. I would be bothered too. But does it bother you enough to not want to date him because of that? You may want to weigh the pros and cons to decide.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I understand that people have a "type," bet it blonde, tall, big boobs, etc., but there is something about a guy who particularly likes Asian girls that makes me feel very uncomfortable. Am I over-reacting? Okay, tell me something. If it turned out that he was initially attracted to you because of your height, would you feel any different? What about if it was your eyes, or how big your boobs are? They're still things that you can't control; would it make it any less creepy, though? Men are initially visual creatures. Some men (yes, myself included) find Asian women to be generally beautiful. Visual attraction is enough to warrant talking to a girl. However, since you've been out with him more than once, that means that he found more than just visual stimulation from you. It doesn't matter how pretty a girl is; if there's nothing to her under the surface, we will tire of them in very short order. The fact that he's gone out on multiple dates with you means that there's something about who you are that he likes. PC - trust me; although some guys do fall into the stereotypical "Asian women are submissive and docile" thing, most of us know better. Not having been across the pond, I don't know first-hand what the culture's like in Asia, but most of the Asian girls I know who live in North America are mentally strong. They won't give you grief, but they won't take it, either.
Lucky_One Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Unless he can only get an erection or have sex with Asian women, I wouldn't necessarily call it a fetish.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I can understand why it concerns you because I am quite petite and sometimes worry that's the reason a guy is into me because some guys will say something about it. I will say though that my best friend since we were little girls has a major thing for asian men. Lately, that's all she has been dating. Maybe this will help you put it in a little more persepective. And like Lucky One said, if he can only get an erection over asain woman, I don't think he is objectifying you.
Sam Spade Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Well, I used to not think too much about asian chicks until I started dating one, and now, given a choice, I'm probably not going back. Best skin in the world, and 'progress' or not, the behavior IS way more feminine than what you typically find in the west.
Sam Spade Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 They won't give you grief, but they won't take it, either. Yes, but that's only fair, and thus a huge breath of fresh air .
Author pandagirl Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I get people's points, that it's just an aesthetic preference, but it's much different than if you had blonde hair or blue eyes. When you are a certain ethnicity, it is -- in a sense -- who you *are*. Blonde hair doesn't define you. Being Japanese does. It just makes me feel like the only reason he messaged me on the online dating site is because I am Asian. Like, he clicked "asian" in the preference box and there I showed up. I guess if things progress with us, I'll feel better that he likes me for ME, but as of now, it's very new, so I can't help feeling a bit weird about it.
Author pandagirl Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Well, I used to not think too much about asian chicks until I started dating one, and now, given a choice, I'm probably not going back. Best skin in the world, and 'progress' or not, the behavior IS way more feminine than what you typically find in the west. I find this offensive. Let's just set back feminism a few decades. Japan is still a completely misogynistic society, which is why Japanese women act like that, and why my mother and her sisters moved to America when they all turned 19.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 It's really not different Pandagirl. No offense but you're not that special. Everyone has a certain look that people react to. I have a friend that is 5'11 and she also gets treated a certain because of her height. I have another friend that talks like mini-mouse and people react to that! Or my friend that has muscular arms. Or whatever. Being liked for somethign physical isn't just about what nationality you are. And pretty much everyone has something about them that can cause people to react to them in different ways. My size is part of what makes me who I am. I am and often I get treated a certain way because I am petite! You are just going to have to wait it out and see if the guy is okay then. Do you think my best friend, the men she dates should feel objectified because she purpoesly likes to date Asian men?
bayouboi Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I get people's points, that it's just an aesthetic preference, but it's much different than if you had blonde hair or blue eyes. When you are a certain ethnicity, it is -- in a sense -- who you *are*. Blonde hair doesn't define you. Being Japanese does. It just makes me feel like the only reason he messaged me on the online dating site is because I am Asian. Like, he clicked "asian" in the preference box and there I showed up. I guess if things progress with us, I'll feel better that he likes me for ME, but as of now, it's very new, so I can't help feeling a bit weird about it. I'm pretty sure you can check a box for hair & eye color as well. Also, ask blonde women if their hair doesn't "define" them when they're dealing with others & see what they say to you. I agree with the other poster that said you're just trying to find something wrong with him in order to justify that you don't think he's "the one".
Sam Spade Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I find this offensive. Let's just set back feminism a few decades. Japan is still a completely misogynistic society, which is why Japanese women act like that, and why my mother and her sisters moved to America when they all turned 19. And I find it hilarius - to infer that "feminine" is an anathema to "feminism" :lmao::lmao:
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