keepitdeep Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks for taking the time out, this has been bugging me for a few month now. Ive been with my Girlfriend for 2 1/2 years now, and its the first real relationship ive been in....she was my first and im now 22. Unfortunately i wasnt her first and after speaking about it, she Claims to have only slept with 4 Guys..Three of whom were her BF at the time and 1 random "Mistake". Before me she was with a guy for about 9 months until she came to uni and the distance and him not making any effort was the last straw for her. I started talking to her when things where complicated and as soon as they had finished there relationship, we grew close...always talkin on Msn and about 3months later we were offical.....Ok.....So about 1yr 1/2 into our relationship she left her facebook on and as Us nosey people do i had a snoop and found msg's between the two, most of it was light banter but at times it started to seem like light flirting("when am i gonna come see you house?")...I always am open with her as i sed id be from the start of the relationship...i told her what i saw...she asked me if id prefer her not to spk 2 him and i said yes....Ok..so about 5 months later,for some weird reason i was getting dodgy vibes from her whenever she was on facebook (never checking inbox Etc), so being a IT guy i hack her FB (Not proud) and i found more msgs between them...it involved her being v.curious about how many girls he'd gotten with on his recent holiday,asking more than once (WHY THE INTEREST!??)...and the KILLER blow..he said "i see your ina relationship,hows that going?" She said "Ahh you know thats how i always have my status" :astonish::astonish::astonish::astonish::annoyed: Once again i confronted her and said it was over...She went hysterical..crying apologizing...saying he means nothing to her....Her main excuse was "i Only wanted to see if he'd come onto me so i could reject him!, as he treated me like **** in the past!" As a guy i don't understand that..however girls Ive talked too seem to. I Love this girl with all my heart and this all happened 2weeks before our final year at university exams!!I Have no idea why but after all the argument i thought too myself that i wouldn't break up with her now...id ride it out and break up with her after we finish as i didn't want her 2 Fail because of a break...IT MAY SOUND STUPID but that's EXACTLY what went through my mind!! So obviously for the next few days she was doing everything to make it up 2 me and over time and after speaking about it many times i began to forgive her and deal with it, She deleted his number removed him from FB and even blocked him..so it seems genuine????!! ANYWAY ive managed to get her email address password and i vowed to myself if i ever saw anything dodgy id end it!(She gets facebook updates to her hotmail!) Now we in summer and we live 2hrs apart driving and we only see each other once every 2wk... Just tonight i went on her Hotmail and i saw a msg from 1 guy(another guy who i saw sending her flirtatious message in the past but shes adamant hes just a friend, nothing was ever bad on her part thou) the msg said "Hey Young lady you better stop poking me or im gonna poke you 4 real!!..lol" OK I know that isnt really Bad and isnt anything to cause a fuss about but after everything thats happened it just brings up everything thats happened in the past. Theres me thinking - "why is she poking this guy!!!???" "is she just looking for attention again?IF so how far will she go for attention!?!?" Ok i love this girl with all my heart but i Think how im feeling and acting isnt healthy....can this relationship carry on? if so how!?!? how can i get past this all?how can i fully trust her again???Am i over reacting!?? Im really sorry about the length of this Thread..there's 1 more bit but ill only add it if someone wants to know...please advice would be great...cheers
motive2002 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 You are massively overreacting. I didn't see anything in those messages that wasn't totally harmless. The BEST thing you could do is NOT look at any messages at all. You've invaded her privacy, and shown that you absolutely have no trust or faith in her at all. It's controlling behavior. You want this guy deleted off her Facebook. Why? Are you so insecure that you think she's just gonna hop right back to this ex that was a creep? If you love this girl with all of your heart, you had better start TRUSTING her, and let her do whatever she's doing on her computer. If you try to control her behavior and give her the third degree all the time I can GUARANTEE you that she will leave you. I mean how do you think you'd feel if you hadn't done anything wrong and yet she was constantly spying on you.. assuming you were up to no good? It would drive you crazy.
motive2002 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 she asked me if id prefer her not to spk 2 him and i said yes... My dear old Dad said something to me that I've had my own learning to do from. "You don't own anyone" She can be friends with whomever she wants. If it's her creepy ex, so what. Who is she going home with? For God's sake, don't hack into her e-mail and Facebook. Don't go snooping around!! Do you do that with your friends? Relatives? Have some faith my man. Let her have her friends and her privacy. Give her some breathing room to be her own person without deciding who she gets to talk to. I mean, what if I told you you couldn't talk to your ex-girlfriend? You'd probably tell me to get lost, right? It isn't any different. If she says she loves you and nobody else, take her word for it unless she proves to you otherwise. If a person is gonna cheat, they are gonna cheat, and all the snooping and controlling behavior on your part isn't going to change it. In fact it may make it more likely a person would cheat. Who wants the punishment for a crime they didn't commit, unless they get to actually go through with it, right? Sorry for the tough love, but you are walking a dangerous path. If you really want to make her crazy and leave you, keep on doing what you're doing.
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