hendy01 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Me and this girl first met around 2 years ago and immediately hit it off, but for some reason either she's had a boyfriend or i've had a girlfriend whenever the other one's been single. Eventually we were both single and decided to try it together. We were so happy when we were together, it was like 2 whole years of feelings finally put to use and it felt so good! However, I stupidly got paranoid over little things for no reason which led to arguments and one day, a month into the relationship she said this wasn't what she wanted and ended it. I was devastated! In the days following the break up, all her emotions came out at once. She got angry and told me she hated me, then the next minute she would tell me that it wasn't my fault she just wanted to be single for a while. Looking back on the break up, I think i've done everything I shouldn't have, for example, telling her i've changed and even begging her to take me back! It's been just over a month since the break up but i've seen her several times since and kissed her, unplanned just spur of the moment. She's admitted to me that she feels guilty afterwards because she thinks she's leading me on, however she came back to mine the other night and we watched a DVD and we got so close to each other like the "old days"and we kissed again but the difference between this one and the others was that she didn't hesitate and in fact pulled my head closer. I rang her earlier today to tell her that something in my head finally clicked. I asked her if I should move on and she said it was up to me. I said "no" and she "ok". She didn't tell me not to move on but at the same time she didn't tell me to move on. Surely if she has no feelings left for me she would have told me to move on but she didn't. I asked her if we would be able to try again some time but she said she can't predict the future again not giving me a definite "no". I really care about her and would literally do anything to have her back. In my shoes, is it best to leave the situation for a while and accept the fact that for the minute she's gone or should I give up completely? She's admitted she still has a soft spot for me and i'm almost certain that if I do the right things I can help develop that soft spot once again into something more. Any advice would be greatly appreciated but please don't be really blunt and say "move on" because it's really not as simple as that.
LisaUk Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I think she does still have feelings for you, she has kissed you on two seperate occasions since she broke it off and even enjoyed your company enough to watch a dvd with you. It sounds positive, I think perhaps she would like to be with you, but is a bit apprehensive that you haven't changed your ways and will return to the arguing and bickering over small things, that you mentioned. If you want to reconcile with her, you need to rebuild her trust in you and your relationship. I would suggest taking this very slowly. Don't play games and ignore her etc. Perhaps next time you speak to her you could maybe say that you have thought a lot about what went wrong last time and you understand why she had to end it. If you got back together, you wouldn't want to return to the relationship the way it was, to do so would mean you are doomed to fail again. Actions speak louder than words and you want to show her you have changed. Ask her if she would like to date? Then take her out and (to use an old fashioned word) court her, romance her, spolil her, have fun together, nothing too heavy, let things develop naturally and with time, don't push. Hopefully, this will rebuild her trust in your words (followed through by your actions) and she will want to go exclusive again. I wish you the best of luck, keep posting, let us know how it turns out.
samspade Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Any advice would be greatly appreciated but please don't be really blunt and say "move on" because it's really not as simple as that. It really is that simple, my friend. Everyone thinks his situation is "unique." But the facts are these: 1. You dated her long term. 2. She got bored and dumped you. 3. You tried like a chump to "win her back." 4. She started hanging out with you again, kissing you and acting cryptically toward you regarding her supposed "feelings" for you. That's pretty textbook. Always remember that a woman's BEHAVIOR is her message to you. If she is not acting like somebody who wants to be with you beyond the shadow of a doubt, well, there's more than a shadow of a doubt. Don't listen to the nonsense coming out of her mouth; she will always leave herself an escape clause when it comes to her verbal communication. Your ex is stringing you along, probably out of some combination of boredom, emotional fulfillment, and (maybe) sexual need. You might squeeze a couple of lays out of her, but if she was disinterested enough to dump you once, you're done. Advice: Withdraw from her and start looking for other options!
The straw Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Whether she's worried about your old behavior, or stringing you along, you need to listen to that 'click' in your head. Whether you give up on her for the minute or forever ... for now you should probably get busy with something else.
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