beesue Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I was with my boyfriend for about 3 months before I discovered he was cheating on me. It was a whirlwind, I had never in my life felt so complete with him. I fell in love with him immediately, he was everything I wanted. He took me by storm. The smart thing for me to do at the time was leave him. It was early in the relationship so we didn't get in too deep, although I really really loved him so. I was so into him, and he was sooo into me. At least I thought. I was tipped off by a friend of his to check out his phone for text messages. So I did and there were awful and sexually graphic texts saying what sexual things they wanted to do and proffessing her love for him and that she was "so happy to have him as her man". Also to find out that she was only 17 and attended highschool with his children!!!! He's 37 at the time. He denied the whole thing of course and called her in front of me and told me that it was just a joke and that she was sorry but her and her friends were just playing around and drunk. Honestly I really wasn't buying it but in the mean time I also discovered that I was PREGNANT! What great timing. We had a long discussion and I decided to give him another chance and we should get married and have the baby together. Well not even a week later I found more texts on his phone from her, but they didn't really say anything bad, they just said "hey?" and quotation marks. I didn't really understand it. I confronted him about it and he was first angry that I looked at his phone but then said " I don't know why she texted me, I asked her not to anymore. I think she just has a crush on me or something". I was pissed but blew it off. Then I began feeling uneasy about things, my gut was telling me something was definitely not right. I had a feeling he was still talking to her or something "funny" was going on. He was acting strange and we started arguing more. He was always angry about things. If I asked him anything he would flip out and get defensive, even the most harmless questions or comments. Sometimes he would just disappear for a couple hours. He went out of state for work on occasion, ( I knew he was legit for that) but I noticed when he came home he left his suit case out and I snooped and found his phone bill. I debated with myself for several hours wether or not I should open it. And finally I just tore it open and low and behold several calls back and forth on a daily basis. It was confirmed. I confronted him once again. He never admitted to it, but didn't deny it either this time. He wouldn't give me a straight answer. I told him this was the last straw and that if he ever had contact with her again I would leave him. A few months went by and nothing really happened things seemed to be getting back to normal and we were getting along great again, just like in the begining. Then the private calls to my phone began. I also noticed that he was keeping his phone locked out in his truck, he would get angry if I asked to see it. Or he would check it before he handed it to me. Things started to go downhill quickly as my pregnancy progressed he was less interested in me, sex, less affectionate, always staying out late. In one instance his truck broke down and he had to use mine to get to work. He decided stay out at the bar after work. He didn't answer my calls or texts, he finally showed up at 7am with the front of my car smashed. The next day I was doing laundry and noticed "white spots" on his underwear and knowing that we hadn't had sex also clued me in that this was becoming a serious affair. I felt so stupid, but he was such a good liar. The signs were all there, plain as day obvious. I'm not a stupid person by any means but he really had my brain wracked with the excuses and lies he came up with. At that point in my gut I knew...he knew that I knew, but I was also pregnant and had no where to go. His children stopped talking to him because they would see him texting her all the time when I wasn't around. They were embarrassed and pretty much everyone in their whole school knew what was going on. I finally ended up moving in with my mother because things got so bad. I was still was "seeing" him on a daily basis. He would go to my o.b. appointments and that was about it. Sometimes we would be intimate together. But most of the time he always said he was "in a hurry" or had "stuff to do". I finally had my daughter, and he barely came to the hospital. We didn't have much contact except arguing on the phone. A week later there was rumor that he had proposed to this girl but she didn't accept because of her parents. I found the ring in his truck. He "went away" (not because of her) for a few months and wrote me almost every single day about how he was sorry and that he would do anything to save our relationship and give us a great family life. When he got out we talked and got back together. He's changed in so many ways for the better, but I don't think I will ever trust him again. I'm starting to feel more at ease but EVERYTHING reminds me of the affair, and he doesn't ever open up about it. I'm so worried this will happen again. But he has definitely changed and has been alot better with me and the kids. I don't know what to think or do. I think about it and I get a flashback and I get so angry I want to leave him. And whenever we argue I just want to leave him because of how bad he hurt me. I'm so confused. It's been about 6 months since we've been back together. What should I do?
jnj express Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 i WOULDN'T TAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP ANY FURTHER, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE LAWS IN YOUR STATE IN/RE: BEING WITH YOUNG GIRLS. He cannot be trusted, and he could have cut her off completely at anytime AND DID NOT. He has already shown you a history of disrespecting you, and wrecking your life----Just end it with him, he has changed now, maybe, maybe not, for what reason who knows, Can he answer you the deep down WHY HE DID THIS TO YOU, THE HOW COULD HE DO THESE THINGS TO YOU. My guess he has plenty of problems, the self assured, confident man DOES NOT MESS AROUND WITH UNDERAGE GIRLS. Just make sure he pays his child support, and get far away from him.
ForumFool Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Get out now.....you are not happy now...weren't with him before and 15 or 20 more years ...you will be saying the same things....you won't be happy with him...Go ....
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 He's changed in so many ways for the better Has he? What did he do to make real changes, besides tell you that he has changed and acting the part?
Owl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 OK, somethings to consider here. This guy "went away" for crimes unspecified, and then came back into your life. But before that, he was cheating on you...with an underaged girl the same age as his kids. All of this in the last year. Change takes TIME, and it takes MONUMENTAL EFFORT. LB has it right...what MONUMENTAL EFFORT have you seen from him? My advice to you is simple...leave him, and start looking for a GROWN MAN...one without a record of jail time. You can do better...why sell yourself so short by sticking with a man like this?
hurtinguy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I am on board with the opinions so far. Get rid of him!!! Anyone that has problems like he has had needs help, and needs it badly!!! I wouldn't trust him. Doing what he has done with someone so young is just plain wrong!!! Please get out while you can. I really think it would be for the best. Don't let him talk you into anything. Please
Author beesue Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 I know that the majority of people in the situation as I am should get out. Why is it so hard for me though? We talked more last night about the whole affair, and apparantly he was seeing her before he met me. He told me he had feelings he didn't know how to let go of with her, but he was so in love with me and didn't want to lose me. I'm sorry but what the f*@k does a 37 yr old and 17 yr old have in common? I mean I know love knows no boundaries....but for real???
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 At this point, I'd seriously be considering telling her parents (if her father is even around - I'm guessing that he isn't). My kid isn't too much younger than that and if some 37 year old lech was messing with her, I'd want to know.
Author beesue Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 as a matter of fact, my boyfriends ex-wife and I both tried talking to her parents about this ordeal. On several occasions. Anytime there was proof that this was going on, such as me finding his phone bill, text messages etc.. The only thing they did was not believe us. They believed their 17 yr old daughter even when she would leave nasty messages on my phone all the time telling me my kids were ugly and I was a stupid B and a dumb C. I'm sorry but my daughter would never talk like that to an adult. I tried telling them and so did his ex. They didn't want to even hear it, then ended up slapping a ppo against his ex-wife, when she did nothing wrong but try to talk to them. I don't know what is wrong with them. And on his part the changes have been significant, but I can't consider them monumental. I just needed someone to talk to about this, I needed someone's advice/opinion on what I should do. It's been driving me crazy for a long time. All my friends are so far away, they can't really do anything for me.
PhoenixRise Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I wonder exactly what you are confused about? There is nothing anyone on a message board can tell you that you don't already know. You know this man is bad news. You know he has a bad history. You know he has a liking for young girls You know he proposed to a minor. You know he didn't come to the hospital when your child was born. You know this is not the kind of man you would want your daughter to grow up and attempt to make a life with. What are you confused about?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 If her parents won't listen, I'm sure the police will. That would be my next call.
jnj express Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 You have your answer about the 17 yr. old by her parents reaction, obviously the apple has not fallen far from the tree----Just end this whole part of your life and move onto another chapter---You DO NOT NEED THIS KIND OF MESS IN YOUR LIFE.
Author beesue Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 I know that everybody is telling me the right thing to do. But it is so hard because he really has changed. I'm afraid to leave because I wouldn't really have anywhere to go and I have 3 kids. I'm totally embarrassed I don't really want my family supporting me anymore. I just don't know how to go about this. I really wish I could be a man for one day and just beat his ass and slap her momma!
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