datura_noir Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I am sitting here as a married woman after a long weekend spent in NYC with my three sisters, just doing "the girl thing". I have been approached by three different single men the past few days...one, a four years divorced guy around my age, who owns a farm upstate and would LOVE to find "the right girl" (as he put it).Another young, never married 28 year old with a great job in bio-science, and another man who is younger (36)also and never married, came here from Italy and is working at the U.N. All were above average in the looks dept!! Where were all these great single men when I was out looking??And why can't the women who are in relationships with MM find these gems?? BTW, I told them all I was happily married, but was enjoying the conversation (and no, I didn't meet them at bars!!!!!)
motive2002 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I think that single men put out the "desperate" vibe.. and single women put up the "only in your dreams" vibe. That whole vibe thing changes when you are +1
Author datura_noir Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I understand your thinking, as I was definitely not in the market-in fact, we were also out and about with two of my sisters friends, who are gay, and I was just being myself, wearing comfy clothes and no makeup. BTW, I did tell my H of this whole thing, and he basically said the same-that my "not even interested" vibe was what was drawing them. Who knew??
HsMomma Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I understand your thinking, as I was definitely not in the market-in fact, we were also out and about with two of my sisters friends, who are gay, and I was just being myself, wearing comfy clothes and no makeup. BTW, I did tell my H of this whole thing, and he basically said the same-that my "not even interested" vibe was what was drawing them. Who knew?? It's funny you mention this scenario, Datura! I have found that since becoming involved with my (now) husband - we've been together 11 years, married 3 - apparently, I've become a whole heckuva lot more attractive to men! I agree, it's the whole "never gonna happen" vibe we put out - maybe some of them find it a challenge?
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I think there's a portion of the population, both male and female, who are commitment phobic. In attaching to opposite gender people who are emotionally unavailable, it feels like a safe situation. The irony of these kinds of situations is that in feeling safe, they attach, which causes them pain, which reinforces their commitment phobia, thus causes the cycle to recur with a new person after they get kicked to the curb.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 If you want to hook me up with the 28 year old I won't object.
2sure Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Having previously been a single woman in NYC I can offer you the following: I wonder if you were wearing your wedding ring? I ask only because if you were, these guys were looking to hook up not looking for a relationship with an available single woman. If you weren't, obviously this doesnt apply. In NYC as in any big city, the odds of meeting people are better simply because of the large population. A single woman in a smaller area has last chances to meet available guys. Because there are SO MANY out of towners in NYC and because its easy for residents to remain anonymous....odds are great that one or more of these guys was married. The better he makes himself sound, the greater the odds he is already taken. Agreed, there are plenty of unattached and available fish in the sea so no need to date MM. But as many OW and single women will tell you: Finding them can be trickier than it appears.
asireen Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 It's funny you mention this scenario, Datura! I have found that since becoming involved with my (now) husband - we've been together 11 years, married 3 - apparently, I've become a whole heckuva lot more attractive to men! I agree, it's the whole "never gonna happen" vibe we put out - maybe some of them find it a challenge? If their approach to you seems effortless, most of these guys are punters. The more charming they are, the more experienced they are. They approach you and see if they can score, if not, they move on. I doubt they even give a second thought to the rejection. Dont worry, as you grow older, the advances will reduce ... exponentially.
giotto Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 well "almost" anything;) yes, obviously... I draw the line to necrophilia...
icepop Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 You pose an interesting series of questions, particularly since you are married. Anyway, here goes my .02. The women who are out chasing married men want to be plug-ins. They don't want to start over because they screwed up their former life. They want to take the place of the current incumbent and go down the road to sweetness and happiness. They want an established man with a plan. The men who are out chasing married women find married women to be the ultimate challenge, aka you always want what you cannot have because married women are a great way to social proof a man's masculinity. This raises man's stock to other women ( potentially ) and you are seen as the ultimate alpha male by convincing a married woman to be with you. BTW, I'd be really careful. Single-guys want to F married woman for the same reasons OM's like MW. Safety.
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