struckby Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Hello, I dated a wonderful girl for the past two months..due to summer break for college..we were only able to see each other every two weeks or so but managed to talk and text often. We casual hung out by ourselves during school and right when the semester ended we started dating. I wasn't sure if she was interested in anything more at first but she kept saying yes to me when I asked her out. I said something like I'd like to take you to dinner, etc, so it was pretty obvious it was a date, and she later acknowledged she knew they were dates as well. After the last date, we were about to pull up to where she lives and she tells me that she is not ready for a relationship right now because she feels she is too young at this point in her life (she has never dated before I dont think and is 19, im 21) and that she would still continue to get to know me. I was really unsure what she meant and didn't get a chance that night to talk to her about it because it was really late and she had to get up early the next morning. So when we talked the next day through email, something we had done quit regularly due to schedules, etc. and because I thought it would be easier for her to answer my questions rather than put her on the spot on the phone (I never asked her out over email, text btw). I had directly asked her if she was interested me as something more than friends and she responded by saying that she was only interested at this point(?) in getting to know me more as friends. She also said she would still like to go out once in awhile to catch up and what not. Right now I am really confused about everything. There are two things that concern me: Why did she not tell me early on (when she clearly knew that we had gone out and were going out on dates) that she was not interested in a relationship with me?What could I have done wrong to cause this? She obviously knew we had and were going out on dates so should I have asked her from the get go if she was interested in anything long term? Right now I am not sure really how to feel. I'd like to get over everything but I can't help but wonder if I am at fault at this or what else I could have done differently. Thanks for any insight you can provide! -struckbylove
Bejita463 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Hello, I dated a wonderful girl for the past two months..due to summer break for college..we were only able to see each other every two weeks or so but managed to talk and text often. We casual hung out by ourselves during school and right when the semester ended we started dating. I wasn't sure if she was interested in anything more at first but she kept saying yes to me when I asked her out. I said something like I'd like to take you to dinner, etc, so it was pretty obvious it was a date, and she later acknowledged she knew they were dates as well. After the last date, we were about to pull up to where she lives and she tells me that she is not ready for a relationship right now because she feels she is too young at this point in her life (she has never dated before I dont think and is 19, im 21) and that she would still continue to get to know me. I was really unsure what she meant and didn't get a chance that night to talk to her about it because it was really late and she had to get up early the next morning. So when we talked the next day through email, something we had done quit regularly due to schedules, etc. and because I thought it would be easier for her to answer my questions rather than put her on the spot on the phone (I never asked her out over email, text btw). I had directly asked her if she was interested me as something more than friends and she responded by saying that she was only interested at this point(?) in getting to know me more as friends. She also said she would still like to go out once in awhile to catch up and what not. Right now I am really confused about everything. There are two things that concern me: Why did she not tell me early on (when she clearly knew that we had gone out and were going out on dates) that she was not interested in a relationship with me?What could I have done wrong to cause this? She obviously knew we had and were going out on dates so should I have asked her from the get go if she was interested in anything long term? Right now I am not sure really how to feel. I'd like to get over everything but I can't help but wonder if I am at fault at this or what else I could have done differently. Thanks for any insight you can provide! -struckbylove I'm confused.
boogieboy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 She is either using you for attention, or she is SO unexperienced that she is moving really slowly. I would say you can keep seeing her, but go find someone that likes you more and knows how to show it until this other girl comes around and is more comfortable with you. You might be more objective when you see how someone acts around you when they want to get physical.
Bejita463 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Actually, I misread that line "getting to know me more as friends" as "getting to know me as more than friends." Oops. Well, in that case I would say it is just one of those things that happens. Whenever possible I like to remain friendly with my exes as well. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Author struckby Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 You might be more objective when you see how someone acts around you when they want to get physical. Can you be more specific? I have never really been in a serious relationship before and I am a bit new to the dating thing. Thanks
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 She may have gone on dates with you hoping that something would develop on her end (chemistry). Looks like she realized it wasn't happening. Don't take it personal, though. Some people click romantically, some don't. It's not a personal attack and it's not even necessarily something you did wrong.
boogieboy Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Can you be more specific? I have never really been in a serious relationship before and I am a bit new to the dating thing. Thanks When a women likes you, you will know it. She touches you, smiles alot, laughs at all the funny things you say, looks directly into your eyes. Thats all subjective depending on the personality, but All I can tell you is you get a warm reaction from the woman as opposed to the cold one youre getting from this girl. Its something that is hard to decribe, you just have to experience it. So dont wait around for this one. They also dont tell you that they arent ready for a relationship.
luvbugged Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 It sounds like she wants to date and not be in a serious relationship, i.e. be boyfriend/girlfriend. It may be that she doesn't feel strongly enough about you, or it may be that she's hesitant to take the next step. I don't think there's any fault here, necessarily. You're just not in the same place.
Author struckby Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 When a women likes you, you will know it. She touches you, smiles alot, laughs at all the funny things you say, looks directly into your eyes. Thats all subjective depending on the personality, but All I can tell you is you get a warm reaction from the woman as opposed to the cold one youre getting from this girl. Its something that is hard to decribe, you just have to experience it. So dont wait around for this one. They also dont tell you that they arent ready for a relationship. I think this is why maybe I am confused about everything. She does laugh at everything I say. We talked recently about everything because we both wanted to be on the same level and have our friendship where it was. She told me she would love to go out with me to "catch up" and asked if I would like to go to a friends party together as well so its confusing. The only thing she doesnt do that you described is touch me, everything else is spot on.
redant Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 touch her and see how she responds. Not aggressively, but try to get close. She may be scared or she may see you as a friend, she may not feel any chemistry as soul said.
Left in a Lurch Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 It seems like she fell out of interest. From experience, if you go to the party be prepared if she ignores you or some guy hits on her and occupies all her time all night. She won't think about you much and it's hard to have fun when someone you like thinks of you as a friend, you want more, and you subject yourself to seeing her be possibly interested in someone else in front of you. Some guy may be all over her all night and then she'll come up to you and say "hey buddy, how are you" and that's all you'll get. If you keep hanging out with her it will happen eventually. She said she was not ready to date but if your luck is anything like mine, she'll be engaged in 6 months. If she felt it for you, she would never stop dating you. I think it's pretty clear she was letting you down easily and she gave a clear signal that she doesn't have any romantic feelings for you. You said you are new to dating, but "let's just be friends" is a classic for a reason, it's how people dump you without having to actually come out and say they don't like you romantically.
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