sea Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Hello, I am new to the site and I am pleased to meet you! So here is the situation: The beginning: After two months of searching for work, I got a call from this lady telling me to come in for a interview, and so I did, I was glad because I thought I would be jobless for another summer... I met her at the company. She is 13 years older than me and I'm 23. When I saw her for the first time but never felt anything. The the second and third time I saw her and talked to her my feelings grew. I don't know what happened, for days I lost appetite, lost interest in all other things; it just kind of unexplainable, she is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and last thing I think about when I'm in bed; she is just such down to earth, heart warming woman, genuine and loving. The detective work: I don't know if she is married or not but I have a good guess that she isn't; I saw no ring on her fingers except for some ring for decorating/styling, no pictures in her office which is weird because all other co-workers there got pictures of their family and children etc... on their desks and in their cubicles; the co-workers were even teasing her while I was in her office doing paper work because she didn't have any pictures, so they made some cardboard box and drew bunch of stick figures on it and hanged it on her wall. She was even saying to me, " they are teasing me because I don't have any pictures". All these tell me that she is definitely single, and I must not let chance go. Just something I read off the bulleting board because she was person of the week or something like that, she trains for marathons, and likes to do yoga. The problem: I will be returning to university in September to do my bachelor of education, I am planning to become a teacher. It is gonna be 2 hour drive from work to my university and I don't have a care as bad as the situation is. So in this such short amount of time, how am I suppose to get to know her better? Her office is like right next to the entrance of the building whereas I work in the back of the plant. Also I get different shifts each week, so the chances of seeing her or have an excuse to talk would be slim to none. How is she going to accept this, I mean even if I don't care about the age gap, she might feel uncomfortable and think I lack maturity. To be honest, I am quite mature compared to the guys in my age group. In fact, I don't even act like those people and my friends, I feel like an old man ready to settle down and live life. So my fellow members, I definitely need help on this. It kinda drains all my energy, that is probably why I got low energy ever since this started. I do appreciate sincere help and input. I will keep this updated as much as I can.
dreamergrl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Maybe I'm just a downer, but I think the age difference is just icing on the cake. I'm sure others will have different opinions, but I don't see this working out. It's a work situation, you'll soon be far apart, she interviewed you for the job... then there's the age difference. Now some ladies like younger men. But, me, if I were 36, I'd have no interest in a college kid. At 27, I have little interests in guys under 25. Different places in life, maturity, wanting/needing different things...
Bejita463 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 The the second and third time I saw her and talked to her my feelings grew. I don't know what happened, for days I lost appetite, lost interest in all other things; it just kind of unexplainable, she is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and last thing I think about when I'm in bed While that would be sweet if you knew the person to any reasonable degree, it is just creepy when you don't. You are creating something inside your head that does not exist. Maybe she is awesome, but you don't know that. So my fellow members, I definitely need help on this. It kinda drains all my energy, that is probably why I got low energy ever since this started. I do appreciate sincere help and input. I will keep this updated as much as I can. Do you think you are in love with this person?
dreamergrl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 While that would be sweet if you knew the person to any reasonable degree, it is just creepy when you don't. You are creating something inside your head that does not exist. Maybe she is awesome, but you don't know that. Do you think you are in love with this person? Ooo kind of like the start of an obsession.
Author sea Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 While that would be sweet if you knew the person to any reasonable degree, it is just creepy when you don't. You are creating something inside your head that does not exist. Maybe she is awesome, but you don't know that. Do you think you are in love with this person? I don't think you can call it love when you don't know the person yet. I will tell her about how I feel once I feel the time is right, if she rejects then I will move along.
Bejita463 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I don't think you can call it love when you don't know the person yet. I will tell her about how I feel once I feel the time is right, if she rejects then I will move along. NO NO NO, god no. Horrible idea. If you want to get to know the person, let them know you are interested and ask them out. Telling them what you've shared here would be a disaster. If they ask how long you've felt this way, play it down. Don't go admitting you are losing sleep over them.
Author sea Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 NO NO NO, god no. Horrible idea. If you want to get to know the person, let them know you are interested and ask them out. Telling them what you've shared here would be a disaster. If they ask how long you've felt this way, play it down. Don't go admitting you are losing sleep over them. I am really inexperienced at this, should I tell her that I am attracted to her by her qualities then ask her out? she could reject me because she doesn't really know me.
dreamergrl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I am really inexperienced at this, should I tell her that I am attracted to her by her qualities then ask her out? she could reject me because she doesn't really know me. Or because she interviewed you, or because you are 13 years younger then her, or because you wont be around much in a few months, or because she doesn't mix relationships in to her work place. I don't understand how you know her qualities when just being interviewed by her.
Bejita463 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I am really inexperienced at this, should I tell her that I am attracted to her by her qualities then ask her out? she could reject me because she doesn't really know me. I'm not going to claim a high level of experience asking people out, but do try to remember the entire point of a date is to get to know a person. Knowing them beforehand is really not a prerequisite. However, I'm going to be honest with you, she can reject you for any number of reasons, but I'd be prepared to be rejected because of my age alone if I were you. If she is your boss as well (interviewers don't always end up being your actual boss) that really does not help. If you absolutely have to ask this person out, keep it cool and relaxed, and don't go feeling you have to explain anything. You don't convince people into wanting to date you.
Author sea Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Or because she interviewed you, or because you are 13 years younger then her, or because you wont be around much in a few months, or because she doesn't mix relationships in to her work place. I don't understand how you know her qualities when just being interviewed by her. observation.
Author sea Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I'm not going to claim a high level of experience asking people out, but do try to remember the entire point of a date is to get to know a person. Knowing them beforehand is really not a prerequisite. However, I'm going to be honest with you, she can reject you for any number of reasons, but I'd be prepared to be rejected because of my age alone if I were you. If she is your boss as well (interviewers don't always end up being your actual boss) that really does not help. If you absolutely have to ask this person out, keep it cool and relaxed, and don't go feeling you have to explain anything. You don't convince people into wanting to date you. she isn't my boss, she just works as a human resources person at the company and she is new to the company too, like been there for 3 months.
dreamergrl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 observation. You know what she is like as an interviewer, not anything OUTSIDE of work. You know her 'work' qualities at best.
Author sea Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 You know what she is like as an interviewer, not anything OUTSIDE of work. You know her 'work' qualities at best. she didn't really do the interview, it was the super. I got to know through normal conversations non work related.
dreamergrl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 My personal honest opinion.... I think you're trying to convince yourself that this could happen and work. I'm doubtful. But do whatever you want.
Author sea Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 My personal honest opinion.... I think you're trying to convince yourself that this could happen and work. I'm doubtful. But do whatever you want. I am not trying to convince myself anything, if it works, then all the best. I am trying to get help/advices/tips to increase my chances, even if it doesn't work out, at least I know I tried and I will have no regrets. Bejita463 is the one that really offered some good advices whereas you keep posting here as if you are bored and got nothing to do. You really described yourself well in your first post, a downer, pessimistic woman. Your picture speaks the truth.
dreamergrl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I am not trying to convince myself anything, if it works, then all the best. I am trying to get help/advices/tips to increase my chances, even if it doesn't work out, at least I know I tried and I will have no regrets. Bejita463 is the one that really offered some good advices whereas you keep posting here as if you are bored and got nothing to do. You really described yourself well in your first post, a downer, pessimistic woman. I'm just giving you my honest opinion man. It's a downer because I'm looking at the facts. You're love sick over a woman who is 13 years older then you, in your work place, and that in a few months you wont see really. You're at a completely different place in life then she is. Not to mention you've only talked to her a few months... and your losing sleep over her? Just being realistic. And I never called myself pessimistic
Author sea Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 I'm just giving you my honest opinion man. It's a downer because I'm looking at the facts. You're love sick over a woman who is 13 years older then you, in your work place, and that in a few months you wont see really. You're at a completely different place in life then she is. Not to mention you've only talked to her a few months... and your losing sleep over her? Just being realistic. And I never called myself pessimistic Every time you post something, I have to follow up to straighten out the facts. I seen her for like 3 days, 4 if including interview day. Wouldn't you want a man that loves you that much? I can clearly see that the whole age thing is the biggest barrier and if that is the case for all women, I guess Demi Moore wouldn't have been with Ashton Kutcher.
dreamergrl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Every time you post something, I have to follow up to straighten out the facts. I seen her for like 3 days, 4 if including interview day. Wouldn't you want a man that loves you that much? I can clearly see that the whole age thing is the biggest barrier and if that is the case for all women, I guess Demi Moore wouldn't have been with Ashton Kutcher. You can't compare normal relationships to celebrity relationships - that's fantasizing. You and her are not Demi and Ashton. And I said, yes there are woman who like younger guys, but I don't think that's the case often. She's in a career, you're working on getting a degree - that type of thing. Get what I'm saying? Ashton has his career, as Demi does. Ummm I wouldn't want a man who's only talked to me a few times (ooo 3 or 4 days counting interview day) losing sleep over me. That's freaking creepy. And that's not love. That's the start of an obsession.
Author sea Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 You can't compare normal relationships to celebrity relationships - that's fantasizing. You and her are not Demi and Ashton. And I said, yes there are woman who like younger guys, but I don't think that's the case often. She's in a career, you're working on getting a degree - that type of thing. Get what I'm saying? Ashton has his career, as Demi does. Ummm I wouldn't want a man who's only talked to me a few times (ooo 3 or 4 days counting interview day) losing sleep over me. That's freaking creepy. And that's not love. That's the start of an obsession. I need to clarify on that, what I meant was wouldn't you want someone love you that much after you have dated for very long time? Plus, what you are replying is always from your point of view, personal, biased angle. If you can step in someone else's shoe, look at the situation rationally and objectively, your comments would have been much more constructive.
Citizen Erased Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 In your case worrying if the age difference is important or irrelevant is...well, irrelevant. You've barely spoken to her, no matter everything else including your work at the same company, you will be moving etc. You're considering things that it is too early to be considered.
dreamergrl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I need to clarify on that, what I meant was wouldn't you want someone love you that much after you have dated for very long time? Plus, what you are replying is always from your point of view, personal, biased angle. If you can step in someone else's shoe, look at the situation rationally and objectively, your comments would have been much more constructive. You do understand that this is a place where people can give their view to your situation when you post it right? Don't expect to start a thread, and always hear want you want. My point of view is my opinion. Just like everyone is entitled to theirs. It's a forum. Would you reply to another person's thread and tell them what they want to hear, or give them an honest answer from what you think?
Author sea Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 You do understand that this is a place where people can give their view to your situation when you post it right? Don't expect to start a thread, and always hear want you want. My point of view is my opinion. Just like everyone is entitled to theirs. It's a forum. Would you reply to another person's thread and tell them what they want to hear, or give them an honest answer from what you think? I never asked to give me comments I want to hear, read what I said in the end of my very long first post; I said I need help in this situation. I didn't ask for answers in which the relationship is gonna happen or not. You clearly just read the title and then glanced at the post and started writing. I do appreciate your honest personal comments, but please stay on topic and address questions accordingly.
BobSacamento Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Depends what kind of person you are. Do you like to be dominant or submissive in the relationship? Prepare to be submissive.
dreamergrl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I never asked to give me comments I want to hear, read what I said in the end of my very long first post; I said I need help in this situation. I didn't ask for answers in which the relationship is gonna happen or not. You clearly just read the title and then glanced at the post and started writing. I do appreciate your honest personal comments, but please stay on topic and address questions accordingly. The only real questions you asked is.. If age was important and irrelevant. So Like I stated... but you did not want to hear... I think in this case it is important. And how to get to know her better... and I stated I don't think you have much of a chance - given the entire situation. It's a forum.. get used to opinions and views.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 sea, I'm confused. Is this the woman that interviewed you?
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