Islandgirl03 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It's been pretty much 10 months since he broke up with me - won't get into the reasoning, cause I still don't understand and quite frankly over the past few months I've just stopped caring. It's been a long haul, complete with me making horrible mistakes such as answering his texts, and calls, and even visits, as well as taking his flirtations and suggestions as him actually wanting me back. He didn't want me back. I told him how I felt about him again back in January and he still didn't want me back. So why continue to contact me. I know the reason - because I'm silly enough to let him. Because I respond to him. He contacted me a few weeks ago asking to hang out with me, I turned him down the first 2 times, the 3rd time I accepted. As it got closer to the night we were supposed to hang out he told me he couldn't meet up that night. We haven't talked since (which I'm fine with). This is the stuff he does though - he throws me a line everynow and then to make me think he still wants me. Meanwhile I'm less and less sure I actually do want him - because how could he be so mean to mess with my feelings. So selfish. So the reason I'm writing is because of the text that I got today. He wrote: "Hi, I know this is random, but I still think about you and your the one that got away. To this day I always regret what I did and I always compare everyone I meet to you to you and what we had and nobody comes close. You are definitely a special girl. - brian" Why write this. Why tell me this. What kind of answer does he want. What kind of better feeling is he getting in doing this to me. Does it make him feel less guilty if he tells me that I'm special? Does he think this is helping me any. he can't honestly be that stupid to think this is beneficial for me at all. I've not responded to him, and I don't think that I want to.
wow123 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It doesn't make any sense. He dumped you, blows you off, makes no effort to get back together but you're the one that got away? If he really thought that he would be doing everything he could to get back together with you. He's really messing with you im sorry hes putting you through this he's a jerk!
Beeotch Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It's been pretty much 10 months since he broke up with me - won't get into the reasoning, cause I still don't understand and quite frankly over the past few months I've just stopped caring. It's been a long haul, complete with me making horrible mistakes such as answering his texts, and calls, and even visits, as well as taking his flirtations and suggestions as him actually wanting me back. He didn't want me back. I told him how I felt about him again back in January and he still didn't want me back. So why continue to contact me. I know the reason - because I'm silly enough to let him. Because I respond to him. He contacted me a few weeks ago asking to hang out with me, I turned him down the first 2 times, the 3rd time I accepted. As it got closer to the night we were supposed to hang out he told me he couldn't meet up that night. We haven't talked since (which I'm fine with). This is the stuff he does though - he throws me a line everynow and then to make me think he still wants me. Meanwhile I'm less and less sure I actually do want him - because how could he be so mean to mess with my feelings. So selfish. So the reason I'm writing is because of the text that I got today. He wrote: "Hi, I know this is random, but I still think about you and your the one that got away. To this day I always regret what I did and I always compare everyone I meet to you to you and what we had and nobody comes close. You are definitely a special girl. - brian" Why write this. Why tell me this. What kind of answer does he want. What kind of better feeling is he getting in doing this to me. Does it make him feel less guilty if he tells me that I'm special? Does he think this is helping me any. he can't honestly be that stupid to think this is beneficial for me at all. I've not responded to him, and I don't think that I want to. Girl..... These people sometimes....who knows what they are thinking???!! But I agree that you should not respond to him. I think we go wrong when we follow them up on every little positive action...so they either become complacent and think getting in our good graces is going to be easy...so they drag their feet and take things at their own pace feeling quite comfy that we will be around whenever they choose. I vowed not to give my ex that privilege. I boosted his ego earlier in the breakup by always being available to talk,go out, have sex, etc but when I wanted him he was NEVER available. I stopped and I don't think he is quite sure how to handle it....and I LOVE IT! My motto is that you need to come to me CORRECTLY with PURPOSE or leave me alone...I don't care about your halfhearted flirtatious comments and advances...unless you come to me seriously...u can take that shyt somewhere else. Who knows what your ex wants. He might be truthful...but that doesn't matter. Unless he wants you back he needs to stop and if he DOES he needs to put some serious effort and act like it.
Author Islandgirl03 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I completely agree! I needed to vent because it just makes me angry that he says these things to me. If he really wanted me he would have made an effort, not just thrown me a line every now and then. As I said though, I'm silly enough to take it. This time I think not though.
Beeotch Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I completely agree! I needed to vent because it just makes me angry that he says these things to me. If he really wanted me he would have made an effort, not just thrown me a line every now and then. As I said though, I'm silly enough to take it. This time I think not though. Great! If he wants you back he would need to come groveling and begging
Author Islandgirl03 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I'm happy to say this but I'm not so sure I'd take him back anymore. I can't be 100% sure obviously because I haven't been faced with that, but he dumped me - for a reason that he could never give me - who's to say that he wouldn't do it again. And, I really was never mad at him when he broke up with me. You know, as much as it hurts, if you know you don't want me, I'd rather know sooner than later. What's made me mad is how he's treated me afterwards. He's got to know what this is doing to me, and now it's just selfish. If he wants me he should be working for it (a hell of a lot harder than this). and with hope I'll say "NOPE".
Thomas X Forever Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Where are you from? I'll help you get over him
Narf Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Argh!!! I will never understand a guy that dumps you doesnt want you back but calls you the one that got away... I think you are doing the right thing by not answering, cause really he cant feel that way... If he did then he would be with you and not looking and comparing. He would have you! Not talking when you think they are reaching out like that is HARD! I would try focus on the stuff that makes you question his intentions... Why invite you out then cancel? Unless he had an awesome reason i would try my best to turn the situtation around to how you feel and what you are thinking... So him standing you up... Would you do that to him if rolls where reversed? If you thought no one compared to him would you still be looking for someone that does? Even if you did have feelings for him would you txt him leading him on, even though you know you arent going to follow through with anything real? I know it is hard believe me! But please try to stay away... Only when he wants to talk with you about something real or when you feel you are over it and can be friends would i suggest starting the roller coaster again
LisaUk Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 You may want to have a look at a book called He's Scared She's scared by Stephen Carter, all about commitment phobia. See if it applys here, think you may find it will!
Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 My ex does this and every time I responded I ended up getting hurt Ignoring him was hard the first few times and I even responded "quit with the stalking I am with someone new" and he still carried on but I ignored and now he has stopped! Ignore is the only way, or if you are serious then change your number!
Serena2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I think I was involved with an older version of your guy. Take a look at my recent posts and see if you see any similarities. I agree with LisaUK, the classic signs and symptoms of commitment phobia. Fortunately, I've read Steven Carter's books on this affliction. BUT . . . it's still not easy! They are the MOST romantic and just as the relationship peaks, they panic and they bail leaving the dumpee in an emotional heap. Once they've created distance, the panic subsides and they feel comfortable to pursue again. It's a cyclical pursuit/panic cycle. My guy is 46, never been married and told me of one long term "on again/off again" relationship that lasted 8 years. I wonder how many women he's done this to. My break-up is more recent than yours but I'm set on NC until I'm emotionally distanced enough to really set him straight once and for all, for my benefit as well as for any woman that comes into his life after me. It is bizarre and incongruent that he tells you "you're the one that got away" and yet shows no genuine interest in working on re-establishing the reationship. He can't commit to you, but he can't commit to not having you either! That's what it's all about. The "mixed signals" of the commitment phobic can really raise emotional havoc as you try to understand why. It's twisted. DON'T let it twist you!!
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 (. . .) I've not responded to him, and I don't think that I want to. The best response to this would be two words, but they're extremely rude and the second one is 'Off'.... You really do need to prevent him from contacting you in this way. You've said so yourself that it's a dumb thing to do. Do yourself a favour: Change your e-mail account, and phone. (House and mobile). Then, stop. Just stop it.
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