Jersey Shortie Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 As my wife, she will inherit all that is mine (and ours), and that will not change. But if you spend it all on girls stuck in a third world country to sleep with them she won't be inheriting that much. That's the real tradegery here. By your responses I know that a large majority of you would condemn my actions, I understand that. We agree to disagree. A small minority (thanks Angel1111), probably some 40+ men like me, those who can empathize with my situation, may give me silent approval I think man or woman, people can empathize with one partner being denied something that is important to them. Where the empathy stops is when one parter decides to blind-side their partner, forcing a life style on them that they wouldn't have choosen, in the spirit of doing anything they can so that the end justifies the means. You are not pleased with how your wife is treating you regards to sex. Yet you have decided to treat her the same way by overriding her own life choices to make yours more important. I will ask again, how would you feel knowing your daughter had a husband or boyfriend that decided to treat her the same way you are deciding to treat your own wife? I think the fact that you've ignored this question speaks for itself.
Author asireen Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 Reply (at last!) to JerseyShortie : I would not like if my daughter’s husband would treat her that way. I would wish she marries some day, has kids and lives happily ever after. I hope she finds a good man and takes care of him, and he takes care of her. I hope her future husband would support and take care of all the children he brings into the world, and does not abandon any of them or their mother. But if she treats him like how my wife treated me, I would still not like it if he cheated on her, but I would look the other way.
HsMomma Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 I will ask again, how would you feel knowing your daughter had a husband or boyfriend that decided to treat her the same way you are deciding to treat your own wife? I think the fact that you've ignored this question speaks for itself. I agree - OP - don't you have an 18 year old daughter? What would happen if she hooked up with a guy & for whatever reason, couldn't/wouldn't have sex with him (whether it's an emotional thing, a physiological thing or whatever the root cause might be) and you found out that he'd gone to Thailand, Vegas, Timbuktu or Podunkville, Nowhere, to pay for sex with another girl? If you're anything like most men I know (including my exH) who have daughters, you'd hunt the s.o.b. down, rip his "thang" off & serve it to him with scrambled eggs for breakfast. But, this scenario is what you're proposing as a good solution to your own problem??
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Your request that I no longer reference God is respectfully denied. There may be others who are not authentically God's children and who have taken the Lord's name in vain through their actions, however I am not one of those and will continue to live true to what is ostensibly a truth that cannot be denied. If you wish to look to examples I respectfully suggest you turn to the life of Jesus Christ and the Madonna not to the flawed human beings that walk the face of this earth. Individual morality is a fallacy and the ultimate invitation to the slippery slope. There is a standard of conduct we will each be held to and it is better to accept this truth while one has a chance to rectify their life rather than waiting until it is too late. Gamine do what you feel is right. I just said, I respond by ignoring posts that invoke God. That is my opinion. A person needs to be raised with morality, and this may or may not include a religious background.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Wow, this man has no problem with cheating on his wife, but he'd rather do that then instead of sitting his wife down and making her realize he needs sex, passion and intimacy in the marriage. And would turn the other way if his daughter was cheated on by her spouse?!?! Really???? Wow some father of the year he is... Wow. this man is just so disgusting. I mean he has a window of opportunity to enhance his marriage but is willing to just go out and have sex with some anonymous poo-tang, because he doesnt want to ruin his marriage? unbelievable. I'm not sitting on a high horse or nothing but damn what stupidity. he's gonna do what he wants to do.
HsMomma Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 And would turn the other way if his daughter was cheated on by her spouse?!?! Really???? Wow some father of the year he is... AND, this is the same man who is using this daughter as an excuse not to divorce? As if he cares too much about her to leave his wife...but would turn his head & look the other way if this same daughter's S.O. acted like the OP wants to act. Am I the crazy one here or what????
redtail Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Your request that I no longer reference God is respectfully denied... Gamine, I appreciate your posts, and for what it's worth, I tend to agree with your intentions. But I have to agree with Toodamnpragmatic, in this context I too tend to turn off when one references their god as reason for their morality. Because I too respectfully disagree with the basis of your logic that one can only find morality by believing in your god. I'm glad you do, be glad for others that find morality in other ways. My moral compass is rooted in the idea that integrity is what one does when they think that no one else is watching or when they assume no one will know. I'm moral because I will know. This message is also intended for the OP, because it doesn't matter that no one finds out, you will know...
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 Wow, this man has no problem with cheating on his wife, but he'd rather do that then instead of sitting his wife down and making her realize he needs sex, passion and intimacy in the marriage. And would turn the other way if his daughter was cheated on by her spouse?!?! Really???? Wow some father of the year he is... Wow. this man is just so disgusting. I mean he has a window of opportunity to enhance his marriage but is willing to just go out and have sex with some anonymous poo-tang, because he doesnt want to ruin his marriage? unbelievable. I'm not sitting on a high horse or nothing but damn what stupidity. he's gonna do what he wants to do. Actually he is being honest.... Do I agree no.... Do I believe for a second his wife will care if he tells her "enough is enough"? No.... I think Thailand is wrong, less so Escorts... I'd tell him to give it one shot, divorce or have affairs..... Geez he's basically gone 18 years without.... 13 x 12 = 156 + 0 the last 5 years...... Poor guy.....
Gamine Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Gamine do what you feel is right. I just said, I respond by ignoring posts that invoke God. That is my opinion. A person needs to be raised with morality, and this may or may not include a religious background. However, it may apply to this man if he is Jewish or Christian. It is in the spirit of this that I am posting my comments as a reminder to him of his eternal salvation and what his decisions mean in light of the same. Anyone living with morality (true morality) is commended regardless of where they receive their guidance. Biblically speaking, the only grounds ever offered for a legitimate divorce in the eyes of God is infidelity... not lack of nookie. If he believes in God my post will not fall on deaf ear. If he doesn't it may be irrelevant to him. However, only he can be the arbiter of his own fate. He certainly cannot claim ignorance in the face of his maker if he does not choose wisely.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Poor guy..... You speak like he has no choices. "Poor guy" are phrases that should be saved for men that lost an arm in the war. Came home to find his wife boinking the pool boy. Or a man that had a tough year all around. A man that isn't getting sex from his wife and isn't willing to put in the real work to fix it, that man doesn't deserve a "poor guy". This man has choices. Although they might be difficult ones. He is choosing to possibly force a life on a woman that will unknowingly go on OP, thanks for answering my question about your daughter. I am disheartened that as the girls father, you would turn your cheek so that her husband could get laid. And as another poster pointed out, you lamenate on wanting to protect your daughter but would turn the cheek on something that can be 10 x more emotionally and possibly physically threatening to her health then a parents impending divorce. I hope the women in your life find some kind of protection. I don't think they will be finding it from you sadly.There are more important things in life then just the financials.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 You speak like he has no choices. "Poor guy" are phrases that should be saved for men that lost an arm in the war. Came home to find his wife boinking the pool boy. Or a man that had a tough year all around. A man that isn't getting sex from his wife and isn't willing to put in the real work to fix it, that man doesn't deserve a "poor guy". This man has choices. Although they might be difficult ones. He is choosing to possibly force a life on a woman that will unknowingly go on OP, thanks for answering my question about your daughter. I am disheartened that as the girls father, you would turn your cheek so that her husband could get laid. And as another poster pointed out, you lamenate on wanting to protect your daughter but would turn the cheek on something that can be 10 x more emotionally and possibly physically threatening to her health then a parents impending divorce. I hope the women in your life find some kind of protection. I don't think they will be finding it from you sadly.There are more important things in life then just the financials. I'm on LS, "Poor Man" is a relative term. To me someone who is sexual who in 18 years has had sex 156 X's (and none in the last 5 years) is that in my book.... You are right in the grand scheme of things is it that important???? Probably not.... I am only responding on this forum....
Jersey Shortie Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 That isn't even what I said Tood. I didn't say in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. My point *is* that there are men out there that do deserve a "poor guy" and understanding. This guy is choosing to be lazy and self-indulgent. I don't think it's fair that he hasn't gotten that much sex. But that is not justification to go out and do something crappy back. He has other options. More difficult ones, but they are still good options. There is no need to feel sorry for this guy when he isn't exactly taking charge of his life in a responsible manner.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 But if she treats him like how my wife treated me, I would still not like it if he cheated on her, but I would look the other way. As is often the case with people in a relationship, you have two conflicting wants - the desire for a normal sexual life and/or the need to honor the commitment to your marriage. Unless you can budge your wife from her stated position (seems unlikely ), you'll have to pick one of the two sides. Any attempt to play both ends down the middle (escorts, sex trips, etc) will only end up in disaster. If you think divorce would be emotionally hard on your 18-yr old daughter, how about "Mommy caught Daddy sleeping with someone else"? Or "Daddy has contracted a possibly fatal STD"? Mr. Lucky
Ruby Slippers Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Unless you can budge your wife from her stated position (seems unlikely ), you'll have to pick one of the two sides. Any attempt to play both ends down the middle (escorts, sex trips, etc) will only end up in disaster. If you think divorce would be emotionally hard on your 18-yr old daughter, how about "Mommy caught Daddy sleeping with someone else"? Or "Daddy has contracted a possibly fatal STD"? Agreed. Divorce, and deal with the fallout. It's the only sane choice.
Author asireen Posted July 2, 2009 Author Posted July 2, 2009 Agreed. Divorce, and deal with the fallout. It's the only sane choice. Yeah right !! And give away half my net worth. I think the issue does not seem to be what I am planning to do, but that I will get away with it.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Yeah right !! And give away half my net worth. I think the issue does not seem to be what I am planning to do, but that I will get away with it. What about your "worth" as a person? Your satisfaction and contentment with your life? You continue to be focused on the wrong things... Mr. Lucky
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Again, I agree with Mr. Lucky. I guess your integrity isn't worth as much as half of your net worth, huh? People can be so disappointingly predictable.
HsMomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Yeah right !! And give away half my net worth. I think the issue does not seem to be what I am planning to do, but that I will get away with it. So, asireen, let me see if I'm understanding this correctly...you don't want to work at trying to (re)establish intimacy in your marriage, you won't divorce because of a) the effect it might have on your adult daughter, and it seems mostly because b) you would have to "give away half your net worth" which you stated earlier your wife would inherit anyway...do I have this right? If so, I have only two words to say...disgusting and pitiful. Both seem apt here.
GemmaPWM Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Don't waste your money paying for sex outside your marriage and paying for STD's. Put your money to better use and find a good sex therapist. Begin seeing the therapist now even if your wife isn't willing to go along. Being a 'good guy' doesn't entail begging for sexual crumbs that fall from the table. Be proactive and push for change. The loving thing is for you to keep pressing the issue with your wife. Find a good professional to help, someone who's in favor of healthy sex in marriage. Don't allow your wife's life as the receiver of sperm and other physical provisions to be comfortable. She needs to learn that you also have needs. Have you asked her why she bothered to marry you if she had no intention of having sex? I'm speaking from 25 of personal experience as a sexual refuser. My refusing ended for good 2 1/2 years ago. It's never too late to change but you must be proactive and quit allowing your wife to be the sexual gatekeeper.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Don't waste your money paying for sex outside your marriage and paying for STD's. Put your money to better use and find a good sex therapist. Begin seeing the therapist now even if your wife isn't willing to go along. I think that would require work and true dedication instead of just going out and buying some to make himself happy first.
GemmaPWM Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I think that would require work and true dedication instead of just going out and buying some to make himself happy first. Yes, it would; I agree. But before I'd resort to paying for sex outside the marriage, I'd give it a shot and put my money on a good sex therapist. I'd aggressively pursue a mended marriage before throwing in the towel.
SuicideBlonde Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Before you go hiring an escort and get some God-awful STD, can you go to counseling with your wife? Every relationship needs tweaking now and then, and perhaps a 3rd party could help your wife see that a sexless marriage is not healthy. Good luck!
vox Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Okay, I think you all you moral high grounders are missing some very important points here. He HAS talked to her before and she told him to leave her alone and take care of it himself. Do you think a person with this attitude would even agree to counseling? She sounds frigid and repressed. I'm not advocating adultery, but damn people, give the man a break. He's not the antichrist. And Gamine, really, no place for the G-word. Thanks
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