torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Turns out the guy I've been dating and I have a mutual friend...I asked her about whether she thinks he is a nice guy, and she said she dated him for a really brief time a while back!-and that although she thinks he is really good company, she should warn me that he is a bit of a player. Hmmm...should I just run? What do you think?
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Are you looking for something serious? Going out with a player is a big no-no for me. Then again, what does she mean by "a bit of a player"?
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 If there was some truth for you to what she said, then you should consider whether or not you want to stay in the relationship. But don't run just because someone who got jilted by him says that he's a player. What do you think?
Author torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I guess I don't know him well enough to judge, as we've only been on a few dates...he seems like a nice guy, but then again, I also don't want to be stupid and avoid this type of advice! I'm meeting the girl for drinks in a few days so maybe she can give me more of a heads up then.... If I wanted just a casual fling I wouldn't care about this feedback! - but I'm looking to date and see where it goes, so I'd rather not get invested in a guy who is the commitment phobic type...but you're right, maybe not the best thing to dismiss out of hand, either...
2sure Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Ran into an old friend of mine from college once while out with my H. In the ladies room she couldn't wait to tell me that she knew for sure he was a confirmed bachelor. Imagine her surprise when I explained we had married 6 months ago.
loveslife Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 You know the signs to look for. Just see this as a heads-up to look out for yourself. Is he attentive? Does he make an effort? Does he do nice things for you? Is he consistent? Stuff like that.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm meeting the girl for drinks in a few days so maybe she can give me more of a heads up then.... Do that. I'm sure you can tell if he's worth it or not when you find out more about him.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Ran into an old friend of mine from college once while out with my H. In the ladies room she couldn't wait to tell me that she knew for sure he was a confirmed bachelor. Imagine her surprise when I explained we had married 6 months ago. Yeah, that's the thing about hearing things about someone from someone else!
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Players are so much fun to...PLAY...but not get serious with. Where's there's smoke, there's fire. Also, many players aren't even aware or self-admit what they are. While they used to be my fave catch and release game, I've been burned a couple of times too. It's as usual. If words and actions don't mesh, player or not, you've got a problem.
2sure Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I should add however...that being married didnt automatically stop him from being a player.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Hey, great advice guys! A lot of that made me smile. And I love that story, 2Sure! I think what I might do is reserve judgement but be cautious - I think I will generally sit back and let him come to me, I'll continue to date others (we're only 4 dates in) and I'll be wary of signs - if I see anything dodgy I'll bail. Despite it being early days, I know myself well, and I could definitely see myself getting invested in the guy, so it's at least useful to hear this now, so I can keep a check on all that and be cautious. This is the whole point of dating, I guess...to find out these things along the way. And heck, if he's a thrill of the chase guy, being cool will probably work anyway, haha! How does that sound?
Island Girl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 My husband was a player until he met me. He was a professional athlete. And that brought women. A lot of women but they all seem a lot alike. And there were times, when I look back on them, where I suppose he attempted a bit of his player tricks. He didn't get the reaction I am sure he always did before. He got stuck - as did I - end of story. I always made up my own mind about the guys I dated. I know women act/react differently in relationships and I could never take the opinion of a woman unless I had all the back story of how she operates. A strong woman who isn't afraid to stand up for herself and doesn't cater to a guy while she gets little to nothing - then yes, I'd take her opinion. But a "people pleaser" or somebody with "daddy issues" (just to name a couple) no way.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Yes you are right...guess I should make up my own mind....I don't actually know this girl well at ALL so hard to gauge where she's coming from on all of this... It is at least nice to have the mindset of retaining a little bit of control over the situation though - just to keep my eyes open...
Island Girl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It is at least nice to have the mindset of retaining a little bit of control over the situation though - just to keep my eyes open... This should always be the case. ALWAYS.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Yes defo, I agree....though hard sometimes, as there is such little info to go on. Then you think you're in control, but you don't have the bigger picture and sometimes you realise you're not....It's nice to have a heads up!
Island Girl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yes defo, I agree....though hard sometimes, as there is such little info to go on. Then you think you're in control, but you don't have the bigger picture and sometimes you realise you're not....It's nice to have a heads up! If you don't have enough info to go on then you keep your wits about you and don't get caught up in the sparks. You don't hand over your heart or anything else until you have a really good idea of who you are handing it over TO. Look at words and actions with yourself and others in his life. They should match. If he lies to his friends there is a good chance he will lie to you on occasion, etc.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Yes I agree...I do that as much as I am able to. Of course there are the rare stories of guys that REALLY lie and someone's done as much as they can to have taken care...sometimes you just can't completely know. But yes I agree....keep your wits about you!
Jilly Bean Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I wouldn't condemn him based off of a comment from some chick. Friend or not. You don't know if she's bitter because he dumped her. Also, a lot of women don't like their friends to date someone that they have. I would judge him on how he treats you. Not the words of someone else.
Author torranceshipman Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Yes, you are right about that....
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