Do his actions and words say he still loves me?

[Everglow]

My ex and I broke up a month ago - we had been dating for almost 3 years. Before the breakup, we took a two week period to think things through, but then sadly, the breakup was his decision. He said he is too hurt by what happened between us (fights, arguments, and disagreements on how to raise kids for example). He told me that his heart is cracked and closed for now, and that what he needs to focus on right now is buy himself a house and rebuild his life alone with his kids. (He has two kids from a previous marriage).

 

The thing is, he doesn't want to shut me out of his life completely, he wants us to remain friends and still talk to one another. The breakup was quite painful - definitely the hardest thing I've ever been through, but it ended very well and it was amicable and calm - we were really able to talk about our feelings, etc. It was actually pleasant for a breakup, definitely a first for me.

 

During our last discussion, I told him that I agree we both need to take time out for ourselves and take care of ourselves individually. I also told him that I want him to be happy and that I want him to enjoy being with his kids and taking care of them as he wishes. I also told him that I understand and accept his decision, but that at the same time I still think it's possible to work things out and that maybe spending some time apart we'll find each other again one day. Following my last sentence, he told me that if he realizes he's made a mistake, that he would be man enough to tell me and that he'd be able to come back to me - he swore that on his kids. He also said that in life there are no guarantees and that he doesn't want me to stay hung up on him, that he wants me to take care of myself too and try to move on. I told him to not worry about me, that I AM taking care of myself and working on some realizations that I saw about myself, but that I still have hope for us. You see, we did have problems but they aren't things that can't be fixed ... I strongly believe that with a couple of months or even a year between us that we could get back together ... but that's me. He said that we'd see but that in the meantime that is what he needs to do and I have to move on as well - that again there are no guarantees, but that time will tell.

 

In closing, he asked me if during the two week break we took to think about things before he made it official to breakup, if I gave any thought to marriage and kids with him. I told him that if it happens it happens and if it doesn't -- then as long as we're happy together (this is true). I believe he asked me that because often marriage and kids were subjects he and I had talked about in the past a lot, and it was something we both wanted -- maybe with all the fights he got scared by that and realized that maybe it's too soon or he's not sure if he can give me that anymore.

 

Now my question is: If he is breaking up with me, why did he ask me about my thoughts on marriage and kids towards him? Can you explain to me from your perspective what this means? Could this mean he might be considering getting back together one day? Why did he ask me that if we are breaking up?

 

Also, we work in the same office but in different departments. I noticed in his office that he took out 2 photos of us from the frames on his desk, but that he still has a picture of the two of us on his cubicle wall panel next to the one of his kids. What does this mean? Does this mean that he is still considering our relationship, or that he simply forgot to take the picture down? I mean, you can see it when you walk into his office … so it's not like he doesn't know it's there. Since he was taking the other 2 pictures down, shouldn't he have taken down that one as well? I really need your help on this one, as I am quite confused. Do you see these things as signs that he still loves me and wants things to work out in time … or does it mean something completely different?

 

Please help … I would appreciate your advice and guidance.

 

Thank you,

[Thomas X Forever]

It's possible he asked you that because it was a factor in the break up. Maybe he thought you weren't ever interested in kids/marriage with him, and that's what initiated the break up. Maybe he had second thoughts about the break up while it was occurring, and wanted to ask you about it.

[Everglow]

We both had talked about kids and marriage while we were still together, and it was somethnig we both wanted. So I don't think the breakup occured because he didn't think I wanted either with him.

 

What do you think about the picture that still remains in his office. He took down the other two, but kept one up. You can see it when you walk in, so it's not like he doesn't know it's there. What does that mean?

[Thomas X Forever]

Ah I see. Is he in this picture with you? Or is it JUST a picture of you?

[Everglow]

It's a recent photo the two of us gazing into each other's eyes, around a tree, while holding hands. But what's weird is that he took the initiative to remove two other pictures from frames in his office, but he left that one up, which is the easiest to remove because it's just pinned to the wall panel.

 

Being a guy and all, would this mean that he still cares or that an interest in us is still present?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Hard to say really. exH and I have pictures of each other up like that and are a daily part of each other's lives and love each other very much - but... not in the way that would support us being a couple again. Love is a tricky thing in that there are different types and levels, some of them work for folks and others don't. It is the most painful thing when those levels and types don't match each others'.

 

It is clear he cares for you, that much is for sure. Does he want you back in that way? It isn't sounding like it at the moment.

 

Why did he ask you about marriage and kids? It may well have been to put some things in his head and heart to rest for himself.

 

Will you get back together eventually? Hard to say. Chances are good if he continues on in this way and doesn't start dating.

[Lyssa]

Sometimes being apart from one another can put things into perspective.

[Everglow]

What makes you think that he doesn't want me back? Do you think it's because he still needs time?

 

I don't understand why he would take down 2 pictures but leave one up. What's the reason for that?

[Thomas X Forever]

Maybe he's a narcissist, and likes how he looks in that picture. Maybe he gets compliments on it by co-workers.

[Everglow]

I don't think so ... There must be a reason why it's still up.

[Lyssa]

I don't understand why he would take down 2 pictures but leave one up. What's the reason for that?

 

There could be a number of reasons why he left one up. Wondering about petty things like this won't help you. It's a bit unhealthy, IMO.

[Everglow]

I know you are right Lyssa, it doesn't make sense that I worry about that kind of thing, but I just thought it was weird or maybe a sign that he took down 2 photos, but left one up. I keep thinking that maybe he's still mulling things over and still thinking about did he make the right decision.

 

The fact that he asked me about marriage and kids while we were breaking up, and the fact that he still has that picture up of the two of us makes me feel like there still might be hope for us. Do you think so? I mean, he also told me while we were breaking up, he was the first one to say that if he made a mistake he would come back to me and would be man enough to do it ... do you think we stand a chance?

[Lyssa]

Everglow, do you really agree with all the things you told him? That you both should take some time to take care of yourselves individually, that if it happens, it happens (marriage) etc?

 

He probably needs some time to think about what's best for him, his kids and perhaps, you. You mentioned that you both have different views on bringing up the children - could that be the main issue for him?

[Everglow]

Yes. I do believe in everything I told him and I meant it when I said it to him. Marriage is not an obligation to me and I meant it -- if it happens it happens. Same for kids ...

 

I agree with you that he needs to spend time alone with his kids and show them that he can be a good father and provide for them, as he told me. It could be as you said, that he just needs to figure out things for himself, his kids and if I'm lucky enough, he may even think about factoring me in his thoughts.

 

We did have some disagreements about how to raise kids: sometimes he felt that I was too strict and sometimes I felt he was too mellow. But things were getting better with the kids ... but I don't know. He seems to think that we don't see eye to eye on that matter, but I think that it's workable ...

[Thomas X Forever]

Sounds like you cared more than he did, which is unfortunate. Hopefully he'll open his eyes.

[Everglow]

Thank you. I really hope that with a couple of months between us that he'll realize that we deserve a second chance and that the issues that we had in the past would be no more. I'm taking all this time to work on myself and work through my own things ... it's helping a little.

 

I just really hope he realizes that we do deserve that second chance and that we can be happy together and overcome our troubles. Do you guys things that's possible?

 

I just hope it's not too late ...

[Thomas X Forever]

You know what I hope? I hope that the time apart DOES in fact make him see how much he needs you.

 

But I hope it shows YOU how much you DON'T need HIM.

 

That would be poetic justice.

[Everglow]

Thank, I really do hope he realizes he misses me and wants me back with time ...

[Everglow]

Thanks for what you wrote LucreziaBorgia,

 

After reading my story (the first post). Being a guy and all, do you think that it's possible that this could work out in the long run? Do you think that with what I wrote that there's reason to hope that it will work out?

 

I just feel it deep within my heart and if he gives us a chance it really will work this time. Specially with time apart and each other focusing on our own self ... he just needs to see that on his own that it's possible. Do you think it could be?

[Lyssa]

Yes. I do believe in everything I told him and I meant it when I said it to him. Marriage is not an obligation to me and I meant it -- if it happens it happens. Same for kids ...

 

I agree with you that he needs to spend time alone with his kids and show them that he can be a good father and provide for them, as he told me. It could be as you said, that he just needs to figure out things for himself, his kids and if I'm lucky enough, he may even think about factoring me in his thoughts.

 

We did have some disagreements about how to raise kids: sometimes he felt that I was too strict and sometimes I felt he was too mellow. But things were getting better with the kids ... but I don't know. He seems to think that we don't see eye to eye on that matter, but I think that it's workable ...

 

It's really hard to tell, Everglow. He could be asking you about marriage because he really wants to know what you think of it, maybe he wants to see if marrying you would be a good idea or not - so many reasons.

 

Now, this is only me - I would let him have his time, let him sort his things out and while he does that, I will sort my things out - maybe do some soul-searching or so to speak.

 

Maybe you both will get back together , maybe not. Who knows what the future holds for you both, right?

 

Don't ponder over the pics or anything else that is petty. Give him the time/space that he asked for. In due time, you will know if you guys are meant to be or not.

[Exit]

I think you're going through the same thing I am, reading too much into the little signs and thinking that it's a sign of hope. You end up driving yourself crazy by doing that.

 

I wish the best for you. Give it time and resist messing with things.

 

When you plant a seed, you don't dig it back up every day to check if it's growing. You water it and care for it and trust that it will grow. So "plant your seed", tell him you want this to work out or whatever, but then leave it alone. Don't call every day to check on the progress.

[Everglow]

I am giving him his time and I have been. We broke up at the end of May and I haven't called, pleaded or begged for him to come back since that day. I've been giving him the space and time he needs, and am working on things on my side as well - I bought a few books to help me through the process and am taking time for myself as well to work some things out on my own.

 

The picture was gone this morning, he must have taken it down sometime yesterday. I guess that makes things a little clearer, and I won't be worrying anymore about what it meant that it was still up for so long after the breakup.

 

The last time we spoke I told him that I still had feelings for him and that I still would like things to work out, so as you said I did "plant my seed". I will take your advice and let things grow with time ... maybe he'll realize with time that we can give it another shot. Hopefully ...

[Dexter Morgan]

Maybe he's a narcissist, and likes how he looks in that picture. Maybe he gets compliments on it by co-workers.

 

I'm surprised he's not a model:o