This board sounds like an UNEDUCATED BROKEN RECORD

[sally4sara]

I wanna beat the heck out of EVERY person on this board who say things, referring to a break up, like "its for another person".

 

LISTEN NUMBSKULLS. I asked for a break/broke up with two of my girlfriends in the past, and it was NEVER FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Then my recent ex asked for a break, and I know the real reasons, and it wasn't for someone else.

 

SO STOP SOUNDING LIKE AN UNEDUCATED BROKEN RECORD.

 

You don't know psychology, and you aren't a master of why someone breaks up with someone.

 

THATS the harsh truth. Just because you got screwed, doesn't mean we all screw over people like that.

 

I broke up with my first gf because she had mental troubles that wouldn't go away. (Borderline PD)

I asked for a break from my second gf because I couldn't keep up, it was a failure on my part.

My recent gf broke up with me from pressure through her parents to apply herself for grades/other time restraints.

 

 

To all you new people who were broken up with: DON'T LISTEN TO THE JADED PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD WHO SAY ITS 99% OF THE TIME FOR SOMEONE ELSE. That's a failure on the parts of those saying it; they're making generalizations and assumptions because their minds apparently can't comprehend the many scenarios that can cause a break up.

 

/End rant

 

Stick around fella!

By the time this forum is done with you, not only with your break end up BEING for someone else, but it will also be because she is a raving misandrist who took all your money and kids! :lmao:

[Thomas X Forever]

I think you're mistaken heavily Island Girl. First off, I was being genuine when I said sorry that she has to be on this board. To be on this board basically means you're hurt and in pain. What way did you look at it...?

 

But if you're one of the people who this topic is aimed at, Island, (the people who tell everyone that they were left for someone else) then I am glad you were offended by it. Hopefully it will get you to open your eyes. If you aren't one of the people who go around telling everyone this, then why are you offended by this topic?

 

And I am generally kind, but above all else GENUINE, thus why I'm standing up for the people who are being fed bs. I don't hate it here, I hate the people who spread falsehoods such as what this topic regards, here. So you can look at it that I'm being mean to people who spread negativity/falsehoods, or you can view it as I'm defending truth with a necessary (not kind, though) approach.

 

So tell me then, do you see the glass as half full or half empty?

[Island Girl]

I think you're mistaken heavily Island Girl. First off, I was being genuine when I said sorry that she has to be on this board. To be on this board basically means you're hurt and in pain. What way did you look at it...?

 

THAT is a generalization that is completely false.

 

There are plenty of people who have been here for YEARS (Ahem) that are not here because they are hurt or in pain.

 

A lot of the regulars here provide support and answers to those who seek assistance with hurt and pain.

Stick around for a while and you'll see.

 

 

But if you're one of the people who this topic is aimed at, Island, (the people who tell everyone that they were left for someone else) then I am glad you were offended by it.

 

I am not one of those people.

 

But I do find your generalizations offensive.

I believe many people you are speaking of do not post to feed others bull. They have an opinion and this is an opinion forum. So they post it. All are encouraged as long as they stay within the guidelines.

Sometimes those opinions are dead on right.

Sometimes they are wrong.

 

I am generally kind, but above all else GENUINE overall, thus why I'm standing up for the people who are being fed bs.

 

I hope you are genuinely kind.

 

But what it seems you are saying is that those people who have the presumption that there may be another person behind a break up shouldn't post that opinion because you think they're wrong.

 

I don't hate it here, I hate the people who spread falsehoods such as what this topic regards, here.

 

Those posters aren't always spreading falsehoods.

 

Sure, they could be wrong sometimes. Couldn't you be as well?

 

So you can look at it that I'm being mean to people who spread negativity, or you can view it as I'm defending truth for the benefit of the people who are victims of being told they were left for someone else.

 

I think people who are posting here can speak well enough for themselves.

And if they feel the opinions given are wrong I have seen plenty of times where they say so.

I doubt these people need a self proclaimed defender.

 

So tell me then, do you see the glass as half full or half empty?

 

Half full as a matter of fact!

[Island Girl]

Stick around fella!

By the time this forum is done with you, not only with your break end up BEING for someone else, but it will also be because she is a raving misandrist who took all your money and kids! :lmao:

 

S4S I nearly choked on my tea! :lmao:

[Trialbyfire]

Thomas, whether you believe me or not, Island Girl is one of the more balanced advice givers on LS, where she believes in strength and self-empowerment, regardless of gender.

[Island Girl]

Thomas, whether you believe me or not, Island Girl is one of the more balanced advice givers on LS, where she believes in strength and self-empowerment, regardless of gender.

 

Thank you TBF. What a wonderful compliment.

[sally4sara]

S4S I nearly choked on my tea! :lmao:

 

What?

 

You know its true! He just hasn't noticed the lack of childrens and moolah yet!

 

Oh, and just because the new young laddie is a mango, it doesn't mean I don't hate him!

 

I'm militant that way you know

[boogieboy]

I am one of the people you are talking about Thomas, too bad you wouldnt mention names.

 

I have been on this board for a few months and I have seen the same breakup topic start and be updated by heartbroken posters. And its usually the same thing. One month, they post that they were put on Break status, the next month, they found out someone else was in the picture for the end of theior relationship. I've only posted the non-false-hope because of the many stories I've seen here. Pattern of behavior.

 

Ive also seen the result of 90% of the reconciliations posted here end up breaking up again in a few weeks. so GENERALLY...the dumpers bailed for a reason, and they dont move backwards for long.

 

Thats why I personally dont see the point of giving people false hope of a reconciliation. People get themselves sick from hurting over and over again when they signs they state are obvious to everyone but them. My opinion is to stop them from getting heartbroken again and to learn from their mistakes. And Im not even gonna mention the exceptions. So its not unfounded, its case studies from this board, and from what ive seen from me and people around me. And personally, I havent seen anyone I know bail out on a relationship to be by themselves YET.

 

So you can stay on your soap box and rant, and keep telling your story of how NC worked for you, you somehow being the 1% that worked, and until you start making a noticable difference, I will keep trying to bring reality to people.

[Island Girl]

What?

 

You know its true! He just hasn't noticed the lack of childrens and moolah yet!

 

If he does stick around, and I hope he does, he'll see those posts soon enough I'm sure.

 

Oh, and just because the new young laddie is a mango, it doesn't mean I don't hate him!

 

I'm militant that way you know

 

Yep, yep! I do know that! Mango!! You kill me.

 

 

OP - if you stick around here you'll find that some here make generalizations but there is a cross section of opinions most of the time.

 

Sometimes people will shy away from certain forums for a period of time simply because the threads seem to get repetitive for a time and if you answer 20 threads of the same problem it can get tiresome so it may be time for a break.

And then others may have a fresh experience (like being dumped for someone else) and for a time are drawn to post on those threads that speak to the similarities.

 

Perhaps that makes sense to you?

[Mr. Noname]

Thanks Thomas,

 

My ex gf dumped me 8 weeks ago, she said it wasn't for someone else, her mother said it also and I believe her. Eventually she will find someone new of course, but it was not the reason to break up with me!

 

For my own sake I will believe this, and it's very nice that you say it isn't always true that people leave you for someone else!

[WineCountry]

I am one of the people you are talking about Thomas, too bad you wouldnt mention names.

 

And personally, I havent seen anyone I know bail out on a relationship to be by themselves YET.

 

So you can stay on your soap box and rant, and keep telling your story of how NC worked for you, you somehow being the 1% that worked, and until you start making a noticable difference, I will keep trying to bring reality to people.

 

 

Too bad we dont know each other. I have NEVER left someone to be with someone else, and im usually the dumper. I can remember a real intense relationship were I WAS the one being dumped, and it was NOT for someone else. I am 110% sure of it. I knew the reasons why he left..and quite frankly, I couldnt blame him.

 

The fact that he left me just because of issues we had, and NOT for someone else, does not mean that I would automatically have false hope of getting back together. Hell, I almost have to wonder whats worse, to be left when there IS nobody else, or to be left FOR someone else. Because if the person leaves when there is no one else, you KNOW its just all about YOU. Ugh.

 

When I left people, it was because of things in the relationship, and NOT because of someone else. I just cant ever see myself doing that. Never say never, i know, but im not a cheater...and you would kinda have to cheat in order to know that you want to leave for someone else.

 

So, i can understand when Thomas says what he says. Perhaps he just wants folks to know there ARE other reasons for people to leave.

[Kamille]

 

Sometimes people will shy away from certain forums for a period of time simply because the threads seem to get repetitive for a time and if you answer 20 threads of the same problem it can get tiresome so it may be time for a break.

And then others may have a fresh experience (like being dumped for someone else) and for a time are drawn to post on those threads that speak to the similarities.

 

Perhaps that makes sense to you?

 

So true. We often gravitate to our own vulnerabilities on here and read ourselves onto the original posters. As a result, I have a tendency to see commitmentphobes everywhere.

 

Much the same way, someone who was left for someone else is more likely to be drawn to threads where is a probability that the ex-so left for someone else.

[boogieboy]

So true. We often gravitate to our own vulnerabilities on here and read ourselves onto the original posters. As a result, I have a tendency to see commitmentphobes everywhere.

 

Much the same way, someone who was left for someone else is more likely to be drawn to threads where is a probability that the ex-so left for someone else.

 

I tend to do the same, but the problem with second chances, is that in Thomas' case, it takes so long (months) to happen. And I looked for more cases like his in older posts and couldnt find them. (i was looking for hope at the time). You know why? people couldnt stick to NC. So what canya do.

[Trialbyfire]

I tend to do the same, but the problem with second chances, is that in Thomas' case, it takes so long (months) to happen. And I looked for more cases like his in older posts and couldnt find them. (i was looking for hope at the time). You know why? people couldnt stick to NC. So what canya do.

NC and branch swinging are two consistent drones that aren't always applicable. If you're always using one of the two, you're not looking close enough at the opening post.

[boogieboy]

NC and branch swinging are two consistent drones that aren't always applicable. If you're always using one of the two, you're not looking close enough at the opening post.

 

Im not always using one of the two, I look closely at what the story is of the poster first, I know that not all the stories are the same.

[Trimmer]

Man I feel bad now. Let me clarify this topic is ONLY aimed at a select few who do this...... YOU AREN'T ALL GUILTY OF THIS, SO DON'T TAKE THIS TOPIC FIRST HAND... It's more to defend the majority of you, than to bash you.

 

Sorry if unnecessary people were offended. It seriously was just aimed at the very select few people who consistently say "people leave you for another person".

... then you did yourself a disservice, and immediately screwed up your ability to initiate a meaningful discussion on the topic, by leading with:

 

This board sounds like an UNEDUCATED BROKEN RECORD

[Trialbyfire]

Im not always using one of the two, I look closely at what the story is of the poster first, I know that not all the stories are the same.

Have you ever advised low contact or maintaining contact with the ex? Have you ever advised that people should take another shot at a second chance?

[boogieboy]

Have you ever advised low contact or maintaining contact with the ex? Have you ever advised that people should take another shot at a second chance?

 

As a matter of fact, I have.

[Trialbyfire]

As a matter of fact, I have.

Then, apparently, you're not one of the members Thomas is making issue with.

[Thomas X Forever]

Ah trialbyfire, I hereby endow you one of the most intelligent people on this board. Not that I think most of you are unintelligent, because I DON'T. I just think some people are heavily mislead and are being what I would like to refer to as "sheepified".

[xpaperxcutx]

Thomas apparently you haven't been on LS that long. You just have to learn how to weed out the good advice from the bad. Normally, the advice from veterans are ones you can trust because they've been here the most and they've seen their fair share of breakups and heartaches to know what's what. Newbies on the other hand, are more empathetic towards you because they're going through their own share of problems so their advice won't come off straight forward and harsh.

 

Then you have the OP to blame. Sometimes because they're going their own pain, they tend to post threads that are emotionally driven which leads certain posts to be interpreted different ways by different people.

 

I remind you, each person sees a situation differently, so attacking their " education" or knowledge of something isn't a great way to go about it. Afterall LS is all about giving advice and opinions that might or might not differ from what the OP had sought out to hear.

[SilverLining]

Thomas, I do understand what you are saying. Most of us are on this board because we are in pain and are reaching out for something, anything. Sometimes advice, sometimes to rant, sometimes because you feel like you are in a black hole and you're trying to fight your way free. And some are kind souls who have 'been there' and they want to help. When you look though these posts, you see that there are a lot of similar experiences and it can be easy to generalize...but you can't reduce years of a committed relationship with its ups and downs, your own broken heart and shattered dreams, and the trials and tribulations you have dealt with in said relationship to two paragraphs and get solid advice. People look through these posts and respond to what resonates with them. That being said, the 'other woman/man' is coincidental. There were cracks in the relationship and the person would not have dumped you if the cracks were not there. People don't like to jump without a safety net, especially if they lack confidence. It is incredibly frustrating for me personally to try and explain what I'm going through and get "there's probably another woman". That's irrelevant; there will be another woman eventually, right? If someone is finding condoms or he's out late every night sure...there's probably someone else. But when you are posting about commitment issues or problems with family or lack of communication it grates to have it reduced to an affair. It feels like you poured your heart out and not only did the person not even really read it, but they felt the need to respond with a trite comment that you feel they probably posted on every other person's thread regardless of the situation. It might be more to the point to, rather than state the obvious - that the dumper or dumpee is moving on, either before or after the actual breakup - to perhaps discuss how things even got so far in the first place, and offer advice on how they themselves can heal and move on.

[Girlygal]

Well i am glad to see that this thread has gotten a bit calmer. I spent a bit of last night really reflecting on this thread. And you know i think that he may just have a point. While it may have come off a "bit" nasty his remarks were never the less a bit true.

 

i know that i have been guilty of taking face value and making assumptions. But sometimes these posts can be so spotty that we are forced to fill in the blanks and make those assumptions. Not only on this board but also in life these assumptions are made.

 

I personally have never broken it off with someone for another person. Nor have i been broken up with for soemone else. Yet i DO often find myself comforting a friend or LS with the hopes that the break up is because of someone else. And i think i do this because it seems nicer to say to someone that it is because of someone else not because of your own inadaqucies (totally spelled that wrong). But is it really better? Probably NOT.

 

Do i think that everyone is guilty of this? NO.

 

Do i think that a majority of these threads give bad advice. NO

 

Do i think that we sometimes tend to get overly offended and downput others advice? Hell Yes.

 

It is frustrating when you take the time to attempt to be helpful and give advice based on your own experience and someone comes along and rips you apart as though you are some type of idiot. That is what gets me.

 

So Thomas, while you may have come across rude and offensive, i must say i truly appreciate you putting this out there.

[Thomas X Forever]

Thank you. I do apologize for coming off rude and offensively to the innocent people. But to the perpetrators, they needed it. They have to realize that their specific scenario doesn't = 99% of people. I've never left someone for someone else, nor has anyone left me for that reason.

 

Anyways, being single sucks none the less.

[Art_Critic]

If I feel that the breakup happened because the other person had someone in the wings then I will post it regardless of what you think I should post Thomas X.

When a person posts asking for advice they aren't only asking for certain advice.. they get advice from all different scenarios.. since experience shapes those experiences then sometimes people will advise that they were left for someone else..

 

Many times you can see it a mile away that someone else is in the wings or on the back burner.. and while you may feel you have never been left for someone else you cannot know for sure as people a lot of the times don't tell the truth..

 

Many times someone will want to date another specific person so they breakup with whom they are dating in order to make room for the new person.. it happens all the time over and over in life...

 

Thanks though for expressing your uneducated rant j/k