life_is_life Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 ... my very first "true" love met with a slow and painful end. My fiance and I were having a long-distance relationship because I was studying in a different town. We managed to pull through for nearly a year, seeing each other regularly and calling / mailing each other every other day. For the last three months, however, he grew cold and distant... and when I finally confronted him about it, he said that he didn't love me anymore and that he needs "time". That was a month ago. After that, he pretended we were just friends. I played along for a while -- it was killing me though. So last night, we talked again. I asked him if there was any point and if he'll ever feel like he used to about me. He said that at this point... no. "OK", I said. "Maybe we should end it for good." And that was the hardest thing I've ever said in my life. I realize that what I'm going through right now is nothing more than a "phase", and that it will go away, but I have no friends I can count on (everyone's busy with work / studies, so there's no-one who really has time to listen to what I have to say). So here I am, venting out on the Internet and hoping that someone will have something nice and comforting to say. Bottom line: I'll be OK, but it's gonna take time. Wonder how long, though.
ai75 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Bottom line: I'll be OK, but it's gonna take time. Wonder how long, though. From your "bottom line", you are in a GREAT spot. You cannot make anyone love you, they either do or they don't. There's a great and popular book out there called "The Four Agreements". The second agreement is "don't take anything personally". He doesn't love you anymore? Yes, it hurts but is not a reflection on you. The two of you are not meant to be together. We all deserve to be with someone we love, and who loves us back the same way. If you can wake up every morning, look in the mirror and truly love what you see... then you have arrived. Be who you are, love yourself and be okay by yourself. Be secure with yourself, pursue the things that make you happy, try to be outgoing, and you will meet the one you are looking for along the way. I can understand where you are coming from, BELIEVE me. I'm in the middle of it right now... just check out my posts. Mine situation sucks a bit more IMO Best advice - you still have feelings for him, how is the whole 'friends' thing working out for you? Not well I assume... no contact (NC). Prepare for it then let him know that you need it for your own well-being and sanity... to move on.
Author life_is_life Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Yeah... sadly, I realized I can't make anyone love me no matter how much I love them. Quite the contrary... send out a heartfelt letter and expect to receive one of those "I'm glad you feel that way, but..." phone calls soon enough. (I did that.) I don't have any issues with myself -- I don't love myself, then again, I don't hate myself either. I just try to live on and put up with the daily grind as best as I can. When I do hang out, I usually hang out with guys (largely because Japanese girls are about as interesting as a wet brick). The "just friends" thing was a big flop -- it was hurting me more when he told me he's meeting with this or that girl, and doing things we used to do together. So last night we talked about it on the phone, and shared a laugh thinking who we'll be dating next. I made a promise to myself that I won't call him "just to talk" like I used to, and I'll send him back all of his stuff by mail. Problem is, whatever should I do with all of his presents? (there's a bunch). I don't want to throw them away, then again, I don't want to keep them, either. *sigh*
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 What AI said is exactly true. He doesn't love you anymore, but it is NOT a reflection of you. Loving another person, and to what depth is an ability we hold within ourselves, or lack there of. You hear about these dickhead men, who treat women awfully, yet the women who once loved them still do. Why? Because their love is an ability in and of themselves. We don't love or stop loving someone because of something they did; if our love ends it is something internally with us. Be glad you didn't marry, this guy isn't in it for the long haul. At least not in this point in his life.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Oh, and about the gifts. That is up to you. The night things ended with my ex, I packed everything he'd given me over the course of things in a suitcase and dropped it in the trash. I just couldn't bare to have a reminder of him everyday, not to mention; his gifts now seemed patronizing to me. Some people like to hang onto things as a sentimental reminder of the past, I'm not one of them. Maybe if it was something home made, but I've never recieved a home made gift. The way I see it, that chapter in my life is over and I prefer to close the door.
Author life_is_life Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I'm really glad we didn't marry, and I'm also glad I didn't spend more time in this relationship. He was thoughtful enough to end it when I couldn't, so we wouldn't waste any more time and hurt each other more. As for the gifts... *sigh* I'm a pack rat usually, but I guess I'll send some of them along with the rest of his stuff, and throw away the rest.
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