likestolaugh Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I've been going out with my gf for about 6 months now... ....for the past 2 or 3 months it seems we talk to each other everyday, in person about 3 or 4 times a week, but by phone anytime that we're not together. The problem is this: the phone conversations last about an hour usually. Sometimes more, but never less that 30 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I love her... but I'm running out of stuff to talk about over the phone, and it's getting in the way of my getting things done at night. I'd like to talk to her, but maybe not for such a long time allll the time. How can I let her know this without hurting her feelings, or being rude about it...?
boogieboy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 After 20 minutes, you tell her "ill talk to you tomorrow, I have to get some stuff done".
CandyGirlXO Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I don't know, but that seems kinda ridiculous! I have been dating my BF for about 6 months also. Sometimes we talk for 20 minutes on the phone but sometimes its just a quick, "Hey I'm going to bed, good night" type of conversation. Seems kinda crazy to ALWAYS talk for a whole hour. Can I ask you for your ages? Just curious. I remember staying up all night on the phone in high school, seems pointless now.
Author likestolaugh Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 we're in our mid twenties... ... and as I said, this has nothing to do with the way I feel about her... I kinda get the sense that maybe she feels the same way I do about these long talks... but neither one of us wants to say it.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 How about, "It was great talking to you. But I have to get going. I'll talk to you tomorrow!" It's not that difficult. If she's mature, this shouldn't be a big deal, nor should it hurt her feelings. My BF and I talk generally a couple hours a day, but we're in a semi-LDR and only get to see each other a couple days a week. So I don't understand "ridiculous," but if it's not your thing, it's just not. I would understand if my BF needed to get off the phone (or even didn't want to be on it all that much). Some people aren't into the phone.
Author likestolaugh Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 My concern is that she is a sensitive person and I don't want her to think that my starting to cut the conversations shorter is a matter of my losing interest in her...
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Well, LTL - when I was a little bit younger I used to need that kind of approval. I would get offended when my BF wanted to get off the phone. As you get older, you realize it's not personal. As long as you don't show a lack of interest in other ways, it should be fine. She'll eventually adjust. As long as you let her know how much you enjoyed the chat and that you look forward to talking to her the next time, seriously - she needs to respect other people's time.
boogieboy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 My concern is that she is a sensitive person and I don't want her to think that my starting to cut the conversations shorter is a matter of my losing interest in her... You can only show her with ACTIONS after cutting her off on the phone to show her that youre not losing interest in her. Like do more interesting things in person.
Confusedalways Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I see your problem , one of my friends who is 23 also requires a lengthy phone conversation with her significant other as well. I'm trying to think of the ways she would not be offended if her boyfriend told her to slim the convo down. Truth be told, she sees this conversations as any less than a 1/2 hr as him not taking the time for her, doesn't want to talk to her, etc. Honestly I think your best bet is to sugar coat the truth. As in, I love talking to you on the phone, but I've got a lot of little things piling up that I'm going to have to cut the phone time down a little bit, etc etc. Make sure to not tell her you will call her back when you're done, because from what I've seen on the female end these phone convo lovers get REALLY pissy really quickly when you don't call them in the next 10 minutes. So in this case, I'd really say go for honesty and tell her what you told us. You love having these long phone convos with her but you do need some time to get your other things done. Make light of it. Good luck!
Author likestolaugh Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 You can only show her with ACTIONS after cutting her off on the phone to show her that youre not losing interest in her. Like do more interesting things in person. my actions in person are fine. I show her (sometimes more than) enough affection and interest.
northstar1 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I've been going out with my gf for about 6 months now... ....for the past 2 or 3 months it seems we talk to each other everyday, in person about 3 or 4 times a week, but by phone anytime that we're not together. The problem is this: the phone conversations last about an hour usually. Sometimes more, but never less that 30 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I love her... but I'm running out of stuff to talk about over the phone, and it's getting in the way of my getting things done at night. I'd like to talk to her, but maybe not for such a long time allll the time. How can I let her know this without hurting her feelings, or being rude about it...? Just tell her that you have stuff to do (laundry, work, reading, whatever it is) and you'll talk tomorrow. Having to talk for an hour on the phone every night, particularly if you are already seeing her a few times a week is needy. Besides, after 30 minutes, what is there to really talk about each day on the phone? Reminds of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer complains about relationships and the mundane discussions: "How was your day?" "Good, How was your day" "Good, how was your day"?
Author likestolaugh Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 An hour a day keeps the other men away good point However, I don't want it to become a tedious "duty" type of thing... anyway, the times that we're together in person is great...
carhill Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 One person's duty is another's pleasure. All signs point to compatibility
2sure Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Put a time limit on the conversations. Or if you cant do that, simply ask her : What time are you going to shut up? Thats what my H does.
Author likestolaugh Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Put a time limit on the conversations. Or if you cant do that, simply ask her : What time are you going to shut up? Thats what my H does. haha that would be great... sadly that won't work lol.
dreamergrl Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Why not just say.. "Hey honey, I'd love to talk more, but there's a bunch of stuff I have to get done if we're going to do *insert next planned activity* I can't wait to see you then!"
Bayern Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Reminds of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer complains about relationships and the mundane discussions: "How was your day?" "Good, How was your day" "Good, how was your day"? I love people on LS forums. There seems to be a Seinfeld in every other thread. Way to go guys - classic show. It makes me laugh everytime I think of these scenes. As for lovestolaugh, I'm not going to echo what everyone else has said. Take the advice...
Sam Spade Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I've been going out with my gf for about 6 months now... ....for the past 2 or 3 months it seems we talk to each other everyday, in person about 3 or 4 times a week, but by phone anytime that we're not together. The problem is this: the phone conversations last about an hour usually. Sometimes more, but never less that 30 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I love her... but I'm running out of stuff to talk about over the phone, and it's getting in the way of my getting things done at night. I'd like to talk to her, but maybe not for such a long time allll the time. How can I let her know this without hurting her feelings, or being rude about it...? "Honey, I got to go. My chinese hooker is at the door."
BobSacamento Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 i love people on ls forums. There seems to be a seinfeld in every other thread. Way to go guys - classic show. It makes me laugh everytime i think of these scenes. As for lovestolaugh, i'm not going to echo what everyone else has said. Take the advice... they're man made prisons!
Author likestolaugh Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 well I talked to her about it tonight... and ironically enough she was feeling the same way. She indicated that it was actually me that was often going on too long... she said that sometimes she actually "felt like a guy":eek: ah well anyway, we both decided that we'd try to limit the time of our conversations, as we agreed that they'd be more special that way.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 well I talked to her about it tonight... and ironically enough she was feeling the same way. She indicated that it was actually me that was often going on too long... she said that sometimes she actually "felt like a guy":eek: ah well anyway, we both decided that we'd try to limit the time of our conversations, as we agreed that they'd be more special that way. LMFAO. Just goes to show - people need to COMMUNICATE more, talk less.
Author likestolaugh Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 well yes. We generally communicate really well, but there seems to be this thing where sometimes we're both afraid of saying something for fear of hurting the other person's feelings.
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